Woman Upset After Husband Plans Guys' Trip On Same Weekend As Annual Holiday Tradition

The holidays are a busy time with so much to plan.

As much as everyone loves the festivities, sometimes the calendar gets a little too full.

So sometimes some plans have to be rescheduled.

That can put many relationships in a tough position.

Redditor Miserable-Light-3444 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

"AITA for asking my husband to prioritize our family tradition over his new friendship?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"My husband (35 M[ale]) and I (32 F[emale]) have a very small but meaningful tradition we started the first year we got married."

"It's nothing major, but it's important to me."

"Every November, on the weekend before Thanksgiving, we take a day trip to this lakeside town about an hour away."

"We spend the day walking, talking, and picking out a new ornament for our Christmas tree, something that's meaningful to our year."

"It's just one day, but it's one of those things that makes the holiday season special for us."

"My husband recently became great friends with a guy from his gym."

"They hit it off quickly, and I think it's great because my husband doesn't make new friends easily."

"He seems like a genuinely nice person and shares a lot of his interests, like hiking and gaming, and I know it's refreshing for my husband to have someone he clicks with so well."

"Here's the issue: My husband's friend invited him to go on a weekend trip for the exact same weekend as our tradition."

"My husband seemed hesitant to bring it up at first, but eventually, he asked if I'd be okay with us rescheduling our tradition to another weekend so he could go on this weekend with his friend."

"I was caught off guard, and I told him that it kind of hurt my feelings that he'd even consider moving it."

"He told me it's not a big deal for us to just go another weekend, and he's right in the sense that it doesn't really affect anything logistically."

"But this trip has always felt like 'our thing.'"

"It's not that I don't want him to have fun or make new friends, but I kind of feel like he's minimizing something that's special to us, or at least special to me."

"When I told him that, he looked surprised and then frustrated, saying I was overreacting."

"He ended up agreeing to keep the weekend for our tradition, but I could tell he was disappointed, and I feel guilty for that."

"Part of me wonders if I'm being stubborn about a little ritual that maybe only I care about as much as I do."

The OP was left to wonder:

"So, AITA for asking him to prioritize our tradition over his new friend?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

"NAH - but I'd just let him go."

"Making friends as an adult is hard and sometimes takes a tiny sacrifice in your personal life to build that foundation."

"I think if you can see it from that perspective, you can enjoy your tradition on a different day, and he can build a new friendship that could potentially last a lifetime."

"I understand initially being upset as it's sentimental, but I do think it's not as big of a deal as you viscerally felt." ~ razcalnikov

"NTA, but you said yourself this may only be a ritual you care about."

"Sit your husband down and talk to him about how you feel about it, that it's become an important, meaningful tradition to you, far beyond just a 'thing' you do together." ~ takatine

"NTA. It's not just a random trip; it's a tradition that's been part of your marriage for six years."

"Asking him to prioritize something that's meaningful to you isn't being unreasonable—it's about honoring the connection you share."

"It's great that he's making new friends, but it's also important to nurture the things that make your relationship special."

"Hopefully, he'll see it as a small but important compromise for the long-term happiness of your relationship." ~ kindaracat

"I don't think you're necessarily an a**hole, but I do wonder why it feels so bad to move it?"

"Like it seems like you are in a position where you can have the wonderful thing that you want, and you can support him in having something that he wants."

"It's not your anniversary, you both have the power to choose when this happens."

"He wasn't asking you to cancel the tradition."

"He just wanted to have both."

"If it were me personally, I don't think that I would be quite as upset about it, and I think that I would probably be happy to move it, given what you said about him having trouble making friends."

"Are you invited on this weekend away?"

"Typically, in my relationships, I try not to treat situations as 'either or' whenever 'both' is possible."

"Often, in relationships, you really are forced to choose between two things that cannot coexist, both of which you want."

"In those moments, you have to make sacrifices."

"And when you make sacrifices, it's helpful to look back on all the wonderful times."

"So make as many wonderful times as possible, and be as generous as you in those moments where it doesn't hurt anybody."

"It helps you build up a bank of Goodwill." ~ FindAriadne

"I personally feel very put out when something is planned and established and it gets moved, especially if the proposal is 'non-disclosed different date' because unless a new plan is made."

"I know it isn't happening."

"Especially for traditions, it might seem small to miss it or move it for one year but to me, that feels like a snowball for 'well if we cancel this year, then it won't be seen as important next year because the streak was broken and the momentum lost and now I'll have to fight for it to happen because people think the rules can be bent to their convenience.'"

"It's happened to many, many events in my life." ~ Smart_Measurement_70

"I agree with this."

"I think OP's tradition sounds absolutely lovely."

"But life is complicated and you have to be flexible sometimes."

"Moving it a weekend before or after would have been an easy thing to do."

"They would still get their time together, and the husband would get to do something with his friend."

"By being so locked in on the weekend itself, OP is hurt, her husband is hurt, and I feel like it will have a damper on their tradition now."

"To me, what they are doing is the sweet, important part, not which weekend."

"OP, also keep in mind, that you put this hard line in the sand."

"That weekend is now unchangeable."

"So if you are invited to something you really want to go to on a specific weekend, you better tread very carefully." ~ Silent_Coffee_7292

"My family is the opposite- we would rather celebrate things when everyone is free to really enjoy it."

"Dates are arbitrary; family is not."

"I say NAH, because to some people this is important, and to others like myself, it's silly for things to have to be at a specific time."

"I would probably be mad if I were the husband, but I'd also probably bend." ~ almaperdida99

"I'm going to go with NAH."

"However, please take this as a lesson to stop assuming things about your relationship."

"Especially where feelings about things/preferences/level of attachment to events are concerned, and to remind yourself that your WE is still made up of two individuals so that you actually do need to ASK him how he feels about things."

"I think you'll be shocked to learn how many things he doesn't actually like/enjoy, how many things you call OUR thing but he thinks of as YOUR thing but is happy to go along with them because it makes you happy." ~ B3Gay_DoCr1mes

"NTA. I'm a very sentimental person, and traditions and their timing are important to me as well."

"For example, the holidays start for me on black Friday, when my whole family decorates the house for Christmas and sets up the tree."

"One year, we didn't get to do it on black Friday, but that weekend, and I just felt like it wasn't the same."

"After reading your other comments, I'm glad he and the friend were able to reschedule!" ~ deepseasnail

"NTA annual tradition with spouse > trip with new gym bro friend."

"It should not have even been a question.'

"I would be pretty insulted if a brand new friendship derailed an annual tradition with my spouse; what is the foundation of our marriage sand?"

"If you can set aside your spouse for a friend you barely know, that's disquieting." ~ similar_name4489

"NTA- your husband should have told his friend that he wasn't free that weekend."

"My husband has golf buddies that play all the time."

"I'm OK with it but if we have plans he will automatically say he's not free that weekend."

"Marriage should come first instead of a friendship request." ~ mackeyca87

"NTA. He asked you to answer honestly about your feelings."

"You shouldn't be ashamed, you didn't fly off the handle or scream profanities."

"Quite frankly, I don't understand why your husband's auto-response wasn't 'Dang, the wife and I have long-standing plans for that weekend every year. Any chance your plans are flexible?'"

"Why is everyone asking you if you can change?"

"It is ok to prioritize certain relationships over others."

"Yours should be at the top."

"It sounds like he's really loving the feelings of this new friendship, but needs to put this all in perspective." ~ Tressame17

"NTA... for it hurting your feelings."

"But if he is really excited about making a new friend and it is something that doesn't come easily for him, I would make an exception for this weekend and tell him to go."

"Change the weekend this year and then pick up the tradition again on the traditional weekend next year."

"Definitely have a talk and tell him how important the weekend is to you so that he understands your reaction, but sometimes you need to compromise in a relationship to ensure everyone's happy." ~ Impressive_Moment786

"You're not an a**hole, but flexibility could help."

"Communicate your feelings while supporting his friendship." ~ CowboysCutiePie2

OP came back with a few updates...

"I saw some people asking how long we have been married."

"We've been married for six years, and we've been doing this tradition since our first year together, always on the same weekend."

"A lot of people have asked why this specific weekend matters so much to me."

"I think it's because we've kept this tradition on the same weekend for over six years, and to me, the timing feels like an integral part of the tradition itself."

"It's become a marker for the start of the holiday season in my mind, and changing it feels like losing some of the meaning behind it."

"UAFTER A FEW HOURS: I want to thank everyone who shared their opinion."

"After reading the comments and giving myself some time to reflect, I decided to talk to my husband again."

"I told him I felt bad for how things went earlier and that I didn't mean to make him feel like I'm keeping him on a leash."

"I also explained why our little tradition feels so special to me and how I've always seen that weekend as 'our' weekend. He admitted that he hadn't realized how much it meant to me."

"He said he'd been excited about the trip with his friend because it was the first time in a long while that someone reached out to him like that and that he didn't want to let that slip away."

"We both agreed we could have handled the conversation better and that neither of us wanted the other to feel like their feelings didn't matter."

"As said earlier, we've decided to stick to our tradition this year as planned, and my husband is going to plan a weekend trip with his friend in January when the holidays are over."

Sounds like this has a happy ending OP.

It's great that y'all could work this out.

Now the holidays just got brighter. Have fun this festive season!