Welcoming a baby into the world is a celebration most new parents look forward to. But that isn’t always the case.
Parenthood can be very stressful, and not every marriage can survive the monumental changes that come with a new addition to the family.
Redditor throwawayrightaway73 is seriously considering divorcing her husband after he began exhibiting behavior she was not expecting from a new father.
She turned to the Relationship Advice subReddit and wrote:
“My husband 25 M[ale] is jealous of our newborn son that I 30 F[emale] just gave birth to.”
The Original Poster (OP) explained when their relationship began to dissolve.
“I don’t know where to begin. Since our son was born he always made small comments of me not being appreciative of all he does for me, he even demanded that I thanked him for getting me from the hospital.
“Mind you I just had a c-section performed and because of [the virus] they released me within 24 hours.”
“I told him to go and f*** himself because he is my husband and he is suppose to take care of me without demanding I thank him for giving me a ride while I was pregnant for more than 9 months with our son.”
“Tonight we had a huge fight over our son who was crying and my husband told me to leave him alone and I said no and went to attend to our son.”
“He then started to rant that I give the baby to much attention and how I show the baby more affection than I do with him. He keeps referring to our son as ‘the baby’ which made me take pause. I don’t think I can handle this if it continues he seems to be resenting our son.”
“I’m considering taking our son to my parents house and asking for a divorce.”
Strangers on the internet weighed in with their thoughts.
“This is actually fairly common occurrence, that being said we dont know the specifics here. How old is baby now?”
“Have you had any intimate time together since the birth (not necessarily sex either) Does he help with the baby?”
“This last one is important because unlike a mother, a father needs to bond with the baby after birth, plus it gives you a break from doing absolutely everything yourself meaning you can focus abit more on him.”
“I’m 28 M[ale] with 2 kids now 4 yr and 2 1/2 yr old. Although this may be fairly common to see, having a newborn is very taxing on relationships and a top contributor to divorce. If you can communicate effectively and work it out great, if not than do what you need to do for you a your little one.” – tojifajita
“My husband had a similar freakout. If he wasn’t mad at me for not giving him attention he was upset the baby ‘didn’t like him.'”
“Also you poor thing. I couldn’t even move 24 hours after my C-section. For you to go home and be treated like this.. sometimes people don’t realize how painful a C-section is.”
“I remember my MIL was just like ‘oh you’ll be sore for a few days’ and I think it impressed on my husband it wasn’t a big deal so the night I got home from the hospital he started screaming when I wasn’t helping him clean.”
“I don’t think you should divorce, I think you should try to get someone to come over and help you guys. You both just need a chill out time.”
“Also, if you are close to anyone who is also friends with him and could talk to him it might help. My husband’s friend’s wife had a bad case of PPD, so after I gave birth he called my husband and told him to be on the lookout for it and my husband really did try.”
“But to be honest I think he got it himself. He was so depressed and angry that summer.” – 302Redirecting
“This is true.”
“If this is not your husband’s normal behavior, then I would say that he’s reacting in a way that’s not uncommon. Remember that every person is different.”
“I remember that it took me a while to feel like I love my son. I remember laying in the hospital and seeing other moms all googoo over their babies and I was feeling so bleh. And then I felt guilty for feeling that way, and angry that I wasn’t doing it right.”
“Luckily a Friend told me that it takes time for some parents. Point is – the same applies for dads. Problem is – you don’t have time or space to deal with both. You have a newborn plus you’re recovering from the birth.”
“Let him do things for the baby. Don’t worry if he doesn’t do it ‘right.’ If your husband can bathe the child, that will give you time to relax. He can hold the baby while you shower. Etc. You’ll find the pace that works for you and your family.” – Princess-She-ra
“It’s sometimes called the Jealous Father Syndrome and it’s believed to be pretty common. Now, it feels like somebody has come in between.”
“It can feel like a 3rd party has come into the man-woman relationship. In the animal kingdom, lions devour their cubs where it’s believed that with cubs lionesses won’t mate. Well, that’s the animal kingdom but we are intelligent human beings.”
“Alas, our beastly instincts are with us and ever so often, they can get the better of us.” – Interesting_Cow694
“You all need a serious timeout. It’s a stressful time, during pregnancy and after giving birth. He shouldn’t be treating you that way, but it’s fair to say the entire story is unknown without his input.”
“Sit him down for a serious discussion to acknowledge it’s a high stress moment and to identify each other’s current needs and how you both can meet them.” – astudlymuffin12
“it’s quite possible he has post-partum depression. (more common in the mother but not uncommon in the father)”
“if possible, suggest getting one or both sets of your parents to come and take your new baby for a few hours at a time so you two can have some time together to talk/relax. (and yes, I would advise against sex as a c-section is major surgery, you’ll need some time to recover)” – Superg0id
“Couple’s therapy. Seriously. If he won’t go, then leave. Do you really want to stay with a man who’s going to be jealous of his own offspring? Do you want your son to grow up with someone who sees him as competition?”
“It seems like there’s an underlying cause to all of this that therapy might be able to help with, but don’t be afraid to throw in the towel if your husband refuses to change.”
“I would definitely suggest going to your parents’ house for a few days to cool down and also so that you and your son will be safe. This honestly reads like those classic situations where the woman doesn’t realize how abusive her husband is until she’s ‘trapped’ and he doesn’t have to worry about her leaving anymore.” – danuhorus
“This is a new process for everyone. There’s a huge adaptation stage that is probably going to keep changing every few weeks for a year.”
“Even if it’s true in your mind, I wouldn’t say the child is the most important person that comes first out loud. He’s the most helpless, which means he needs the most attention by default.”
“But the three of you are supposed to be a team, and speaking from my own personal experience, I simply didn’t have a strong connection to my little one for the first few weeks. I was absolutely there for my wife, and not nearly as snippy as your husband seems to be, but I understood that my job was to aid whatever my wife needed and keep my mouth shut.”
“I know it’s difficult because you’re exhausted, and on edge caring for this completely helpless being. But it sounds like you all need to talk and revisit what the game plan was, what each of you expected, and now what it needs to be.”
“Everyone needs support from each other and he needs to understand you are exhausted mentally/physically/emotionally and that as long as the child is helpless, you need to be there for him.”
“If your husband isn’t helping, then he’s harming and maybe not ready to raise a child.” – DonnieRodz
Overall, Redditors thought that the OP going to her parent’s house was a good idea, but the couple should seek professional counseling before giving up on the marriage.