It’s always exciting when a new baby is welcomed into a family.
Of course, the baby’s arrival also comes with a fair share of stress and anxiety.
Not only sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and endless crying, but also friends and family members chiming in with unwanted parenting advice.
Sometimes including unwanted opinions or suggestions regarding names.
Redditor Horror_Cell3270 and his wife were expecting a baby.
While the original poster (OP)’s wife felt she had a perfect name in mind for their soon-to-be-born daughter, the OP’s mother was less than thrilled with the idea.
Much to the annoyance of his wife, the OP agreed with his mother.
As the OP and his wife continued to argue about this matter, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for picking my moms side over my wife’s in baby names?”
The OP explained why they found themself sleeping on the couch following an argument regarding the name of their soon-to-be-born daughter:
“I, 37 M[ale] have been married to my wife (34) for 6 years.”
“We’re expecting our second child (first girl, though.)”
“My wife and I have been going back and forth on baby names, but one name she really liked was my deceased sister’s.”
“When I was 4, I had a sister who was a little over a year who died in a car accident that left my father disabled.”
“I don’t really remember much of it, but I remember the hit it took on my mother and father and the years after.”
“Also, to my wife, it wasn’t even about honoring my sister; it was just a plus, she just really liked the name.”
“We were discussing it with my mother, and my mother had asked her nicely, please do not name her that.”
“My wife was upset and said well I really like the name.”
“I took my mother’s side because it was traumatic for her, and I would never want to put that pressure on my daughter as well.”
“When we got home, my wife was furious and said we’re supposed to be deciding baby names, not my mom and I, and how we could name her whatever we wanted, it wasn’t up to anyone else.”
“I defended my mother still and we got into a big argument.”
“She basically told me I should go sleep at my mom’s, then I ended up sleeping on the couch.”
“We are still arguing a bit about it.”
“I didn’t bring my mother into this.”
“We were at my mother’s house, and my wife and mother were discussing the baby.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for taking his mother’s side on this issue.
While some felt that the OP could have handled the situation better than he did, everyone otherwise agreed that this was not an issue of taking sides, but rather being sensitive to a highly emotional memory of the OP’s mother, not to mention the OP himself:
“I was ready to support the wife on this, but naming a baby after someone’s tragically dead sister without them wanting you to?”
“That’s gross.”
“NTA.”- Highfalutinflimflam
“I was ready to read you the riot act.”
“But yeah, NTA.”
“But for your sake, stop talking about it as siding with your mom.”
“YOU don’t want to name your daughter after your sister.”
“Full stop.”- Mushrooms24711
“NTA.”
“Being reminded of your dead child every time you speak your grandchild’s name is a cruelty I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”
“What the hell is up with your wife?”- sbinjax
“NTA, but you’re an idiot.”
“The point isn’t really that it’s not what your mom wants.”
“The point is that it’s not what you want.”- BalloonShip
“Your wife is horribly disregarding your family’s feelings.”
“You are NTA.”- Redmare57
“NTA.”
“Yes, your wife is correct that you two choose the name, not anyone else.”
“But that also means not choosing a name that will be traumatizing to your extended family.”
“It would be one thing if your mom just didn’t like the name or it reminded her of a coworker she dislikes.”
“In that case, she’d have to just suck it up.”
“But not wanting your grandchild named after your deceased daughter seems reasonable to me.”
“And, to be fair, some people would love this.”
“There’s no right or wrong way to feel about it.”- BurnedWitch88
“That’s incredibly insensitive and self-centred.”
“You’re NTA.”
“Your wife’s attitude is very concerning.”- Moose-Live
“NTA.”
“But you need to frame this as YOUR decision, not your mom’s.”
“If you want the name, it’s a yes.”
“If you don’t, it’s a no.”
“Baby names are always 1 no for a no.”- Oatz3
“What’s wrong with your wife?”
“Clearly, the name is associated with familial trauma. Why would she even want a daughter with a name that’s so heavily attached to heartache?”
“She needs some sense and reasoning brought to her.”
“What the fuck Clearly NTA.”- anonalien-
“NTA.”
“Your wife is being remarkably unempathetic about this.”
“This isn’t just ‘some cute name’.”
“There are literally millions of names she could choose.”
“Heck, y’all could just make one up if you wanted.”
“She’s being selfish and short-sighted.”
“She needs to let this name go.”- loloannd
“NTA, this is a really reasonable ask from your mom.”
“If you wanted to honor your sister, that would be something different, but it doesn’t sound like that’s what you want.”
“Names should be a two yes-one no situation, and you don’t want that name.”- North-Perspective376
“NTA.”
“Baby names are 2 yes decisions, no matter the reasons.”
“You are deciding with your wife, you said no, there are thousands more to choose from.”
“It’s also pretty insensitive of your wife to get that worked up over a randomly chosen name, which is that painful for someone that will be in your life.”- Pixichixi
“This is a two-yes, one-no situation.”
“You’ve said no for a very good reason.”
“She needs to move on.”
“NTA.”- Gigafive
“NTA.”
“Explain to your wife that you are not taking your mom’s side.”
“It’s just that your mother will never be able to connect with her granddaughter because every time she sees her, it will only remind her of her dead child.”
“That grief never goes away, no matter how many years have passed.”
“Ask your wife if anything happened to your son, would she be ok with a family member using his name for a child that she would see all the time?”
“Why doesn’t your wife care about your mother’s tragedy?”
“Is she always insensitive to other people’s traumas?”
“Yes she has pregnancy brain, but that is even more reason why she should understand your mother.”
“Stay firm.”
“Depending on where you live, both parents have to sign the birth certificate.”
“Let her know you will not sign off on that name because she is just being cruel.”- Malibucat48
“NTA.”
“I was ready to bring out the pitchfork and torch when I read the title, but wow, your wife.”
“Her lack of empathy and selfishness are stunning.”
“There are an infinite number of names you could name your child, and the name of your deceased sister doesn’t need to be one of them.”
“Why saddle the kid with the weight of family history like that. Is there a trusted family member or friend in her life that could talk her out of this since she won’t listen to you?”- angelaelle
“NTA, this is not a typical case of some gatekeeping a name for a nonsense reason.”
“There is realized trauma for you and your mother around that name.”
“Baby names should be a two yes/ one no situation.”
“Your wife is being unreasonable and kind of showing her a**.”- EpicAcadian
“NTA.”
“Maybe make it clear to your wife that you do not want the name either.”
“That it is not just your mother’s preference, but yours as well.”
“She said herself that ‘we’, as in you both, get to choose the name.”- lifrench
“NTA, there is a name that I love and want to use for a future daughter.”
“However, if I were in a situation similar to yours and it was the name I love, I would not be using it.”-RefrigeratorRare4463
“NTA names are two yes or one no decisions.”
“You don’t want to name your kid that name, so discussion over.”
“Your wife knew it was a messed-up thing to do, which is why she asked your mom.”-thenexttimebandit
It would be one thing if the OP’s wife was specifically to honor the memory of the OP’s late sister.
This was not the case, however.
While parents should be the first and only say on their children’s names, it’s also not unreasonable to consider whether a specific name might strike a nerve or bring up feelings in friends and family members.
Something the OP’s wife will hopefully realize before their daughter is born.