Tipping is a custom in much of the Americas, but not a universal part of global culture. For waitstaff in restaurants, tipping is customary and expected by servers in Africa and the Middle East in addition to the Americas.
In cultures that do tip, job performance is one factor many customers factor into the size of a tip—or whether any tip is given. Although a lot of advice suggests a miniscule tip—$0.01 or $0.05—is more effective than no tip at all.
No tip could have many explanations—including the customer forgot or never tips anyone. But a paltry sum offers a clear message—the customer was displeased with the server.
A man who disagreed with his wife over a server’s tip turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Specific_Bowler_3159 asked:
“AITA for telling my wife her reaction to a waitress not taking a picture was over the top?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (37, male) met my sister in a commmonly visited city a few weekends back. My wife (37, female) came with me and my two kids (8, female and 6, male).”
“The restaurant was nice, and my wife asked the waitress to take a picture of all of us, but she said ‘that’s not part of the job’ and walked away. I offered to take the picture instead, but my wife wanted all of us to be in it, so whatever.”
“When the bill came, she snatched that sh*t and made sure to put 0 tip because of the picture. I would have tipped her cash, but my wife would have told the waitress to give it back and I didn’t want to embarass her like that.”
“Anyways, when we were driving back to our hotel, I told her that I thought tipping zero was a bit mean. I mean, me personally I would have just taken the picture, but I guess in the job description nowhere did it say ‘take pictures for customers’.”
“I also said her reaction was a bit over the top. She said that if she didn’t want to do stuff like that, working at a tourist city wasn’t for her.”
“Before I could say something back, she put in her airpods and straight up ignored me.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I might be the a**hole because I inserted my judgement when my wife didn’t ask for it.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were divide with a significant number deciding the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“Well, isn’t your wife a charmer. She’s overreacting and you’re NTA for challenging her behaviour.” ~ ladyxochi
“NTA, in my opinion. Having been in the service industry for about 20 years, I know people expect you to do the most ridiculous things for them because ‘if you want the tip, you will’.”
“No, you are not going to hold a tip hostage from me for something not in my job description. I will remember you and your service next time will be the absolute minimum of my job.”
“You want her to do extra, offer an extra tip—don’t have it count for the job she had already done well. You have no idea what is going on in her life.”
“For all you know, another server agreed, dropped a phone, and made the rules change.”
“Aside from all that, your wife has zero communication skills and handled the ‘conversation’ with you about it like a child. She needs to grow up and learn how to communicate, or you two will have more issues down the road.” ~ Champagne88
“NTA. It’s not the waitresses job to take the picture and your wife should’ve been nicer about it. Honestly it’s not the end of the world—phone cameras have self timers.
“Plus you offered to take it. You could’ve easily taken it or figured out a spot for a self timer picture or even after dinner found another tourist on the street to take a group picture.”
“The waitress is there to do her job and she was probably already swamped with other tables too. Absolutely NTA in my opinion.” ~ mellywheats
But the majority thought the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
“The only way that I would tell a customer that taking a picture was not part of my job is if I wasn’t interested in getting a tip. YTA.” ~ time-macheen
“It’s not part of her job, she’s spot on. It’s also not required to provide a tip, it’s at your party’s discretion. YTA.” ~ thesqrtofminusone
“Long time server here and I have been asked literally dozens of times to snap a photo. Is it a pain in the @ss? Usually, especially when I’m busy, but suck it up buttercup.”
“The server was rude as hell and I would have done the same thing as the wife. YTA.” ~ Fine_Disaster3520
“YTA. I’ve never had a server refuse to take a photo. At most they can say ‘I’ll be right back to do it’ or ‘things are really busy right now, but I can do it a little later’, etc…”
“Tips aren’t mandatory—they’re for good service. This server went out of their way to be rude.” ~ T_G_A_H
“As a former waitress, I would never be so rude. I mean, it’s a hospitality job. It is her job to be hospitable.”
“I would gladly take any pictures of groups. It’s literally no skin off my back to do so & is a good indicator people have enjoyed their time—probably means a good tip as well.”
“I don’t think asking for one picture is asking the waitress to be a ‘personal photographer’. I am very anti-tipping wait staff, but to be honest, I could see why this would warrant being stiffed and why your wife was upset.”
“That rude of a response to a harmless request would probably tank the good mood of the dinner. If your wife normally is pro-tipping and this isn’t a regular thing, I do think YTA for not having her back.” ~ plzstop435
“YTA. Your wife didn’t make a scene, didn’t call out the server, all she did was decide not to tip due to poor service. That’s not ‘over the top’.”
“The server was unnecessarily rude about a pretty routine and simple customer request. Personally I’d probably just have tipped less, but that’s not the requirement.” ~ Dschingis_Khaaaaan
“I am with your wife on this one, to be honest. It takes a person what… 5 seconds to snap a photo?”
“And thus probably get a nice tip. Instead the waitress is a snot—she deserved to be stiffed.”
“We are so auto-programmed to tip no matter what, that service and demeanor has gone out the window with some serving staff.” ~ Timely-Profile1865
“If the waitress was too busy, that’s understandable, but she didn’t have to be rude about it. I wouldn’t have tipped based on the rude answer, not the refusal to take the photo.”
“I’m going to assume your wife was self-aware enough not to ask that of her during a busy meal time.” ~ I_luv_sloths
“Having been a waitress, if I truly were too busy, I’d have said, ‘I’m sorry I can’t right now, but if I get a minute, I’ll be over’.”
“Or if, like some servers, she had a boundary against it, she could have politely said ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t’ in a polite way. ‘It’s not my job’ is the worst possible way to word that.”
“As for choosing not to do so, that’s not uncommon. I’ve heard of customers handing over their phone and then claiming the server broke it.”
“Or maybe just an unwillingness to handle someone else’s $1,500 electronic gadget. But, again, there’s much more polite ways of declining. YTA.” ~ Dry_Self_1736
“I’m from a Western European country where 2€/3€ tip on a 50€/100€ bill is highly appreciated but not required as the servers make a fair salary based on hours worked, not on how much their patrons want to hand out.”
“Never had a server refuse to take a picture—actually, more often than not, they are the ones asking if we would like them to take a picture if they see us getting ready for one.
“‘Not in my job description’ is something you would say to an AH boss or an AH patron, never in response to a polite request. YTA.” ~ LightEven6685
“YTA. It isn’t hard to not act like an a** and help your customer out with a pic or politely decline. Unless your wife never tips, listen to her.”
“Tips aren’t required, and they can reflect the service you get. I’ve tipped above the standard for above standard service.” ~ Absoma
“YTA. That waitress was really rude and dumb, to be honest. No tip seems good in this instance.” ~ sooner1125
“As a server, l agree that sometimes it’s ike ‘f*ck, I’m so busy’ but I always say yes or no with no attitude. YTA, I’m on your wife’s side. It was rude.” ~ 6casper9
“YTA. Waitress definitely didn’t need to be that rude. She isn’t obligated to take a picture, but it just takes a few seconds and makes the table happy. And there is a much nicer way to say no.” ~ Elegant_Molasses9316
For most of the people who thought the OP was wrong, the manner of the server’s response was the biggest issue, not her refusal to take the photo.
Considering the OP was arguing the server should have received a tip, the rude response was not likely to be an exaggeration.