Money is such an issue.
It’s a necessity of life but creates so much strife.
As much as everyone tries to downplay its importance, there is no escaping its DNA on the daily.
That’s why when people steal it, there tend to be repercussions.
Particularly if that person shares your DNA.
Case in point…
Redditor toss-out-123 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for asking my husband to file a police report against my deceased F[ather] I[n] L[aw]?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (M[ale] 30) and I (F[emale] 27) are preparing to buy our first home.”
“We both work full time, making above minimum wage, but not enough that either of us can get a home with our single income.”
“Yesterday, in a conversation with the bank, we were informed that there are 4 collection accounts in my husband’s name, all going back to 2018.”
“Power, internet, and two credit cards.”
“After a few hours, we were able to link each of these accounts to his father’s previous address. “
“The bill is just shy of $6,000.”
“After multiple conversations, we have realized the only way to clear this debt from causing issues to his credit rating is to file a police report for fraud.”
“His father died suddenly last September, and my husband doesn’t want to tarnish his father’s name and is afraid his family will look down on him for doing this.”
“He is on the fence about how this will look if it gets out.”
“I look at it differently.”
“We took a massive hit paying for the funeral (F[ather] I[n] L[aw] had no money, and no life insurance).”
“I know it’s his dad, but we will be years recovering from the implications of this.”
“None of the recovery agencies are willing to give us a bill paid in full.”
“And even if we do pay this debt, we will lose the down payment we have busted our behinds to raise again over the past seven months.”
“We aren’t even close to having the buying power we had last September because we only saved about half of our original down payment.”
“It’s not an ideal situation, but how much more can I let his father’s poor financial decision in life impact our future, especially now that he’s gone?”
“So, AITA for asking him to make the police report.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“And even if they pay off the $6k, there is no guarantee the collections agencies will remove it from OP’s husband’s record.”
“Those collections accounts can negatively impact their buying power for the next seven years.” ~ mad_libbz
“When I worked for a credit card company, if someone said a family member used their card (or we found proof it was a family member), a police report had to be filed by the cardholder against the family member.”
“Otherwise, the charges wouldn’t be removed.”
“Instead, it was considered as an authorized charge by a family member.”
“It’s likely the same in this situation.”
“The culprit is dead. File the report.”
“Otherwise, this will affect you for years. NTA. ~ eirsquest
“That! Send them an email requesting the payment or payment arrangement.”
“If there is no response within 48 hrs, you go and file that report.”
“Giving them the opportunity to pay before going to the police will ensure you will not hear a peep from them.” ~ Sufficient_Watch_574
“NTA. Tarnish what name?”
“A penniless, fraudulent, deceased father?”
“He’s dead. Not to be insensitive, but he’s dead.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Paying 6k of a dead person’s debts is completely pointless.”
“Tell them to take up the debts with his father.”
“Oh wait. He’s dead.”
“Don’t spend a single penny on a deceased person’s debts.”
“You’re quite literally just handing the company money they were NEVER going to get in the first place.” ~ CaptFartGiggle
“Even if it’s paid in full, I can guarantee they’re past the point of collections, and it’ll basically look like they finally paid their outstanding debt, which still negatively impacts credit.”
“The only way to really clear it and be in good standing to purchase a house would be to report it and make it disappear.” ~ texaspretzel
“It won’t even help the husband much if they just pay it, either.”
“The fact that it went to collections will remain on his credit report.”
“A police report is the minimum needed to help remove it.”
“This serves as a reminder to everyone: lock your credit.” ~ MzQueen
“NTA, jumping on this comment to agree and add that they should also be willing to pay for the consequences of a lower credit score, which is long-lasting and expensive.”
“Collections will still impact the score unless disputed(required police report), paid in full help but does not make it go away.” ~ Giraffes-anonymous
“File the police report!”
“The father is dead, I’m sure he won’t mind.”
“If the family tries to say something bad about this, tell them that they can pay the bill or shut up.”
“You’re NTA.” ~ sinfulbunnies
“First off, a father who commits fraud and ruins his child’s credit rating doesn’t have a ‘good name.'”
“Second, he’s dead, so he isn’t going to care about his supposed ‘good name.'”
“Life is for the living.”
“The supposed feelings of a dead person don’t matter.”
“Finally, if you and your spouse don’t blab to his family about the ins and outs of trying to clean up your husband’s ‘good name’ and credit rating.”
“His family will have no reason to look down on your husband. NTA.” ~ AbleRelationship6808
“My mother did this to me.”
“She took credit cards out in my name, maxed them, and never paid.”
“Despite the heartache that caused me for literal years, I still wouldn’t have been able to file a police report on her.”
“It’s hard to stand up to family sometimes.” ~ Anxious_Parking5111
“NTA. He tarnished his own reputation by committing identity theft and fraud.”
“You’re living and need your credit cleared.”
“Dead guy doesn’t care anymore.”
“Don’t bother telling the family.”
“They likely will never even know about it unless you tell them.” ~ Aunty_Fascist
“NTA. The man in question is dead, nothing there to tarnish.”
“And you shouldn’t be required at the expense of your finances to sweep their bad choices under the rug.” ~ Wild_Ad_2495
“Exactly. Even if he were alive, I would still agree with filing a police report.”
“Even if I don’t entirely agree with it, I can understand why someone wouldn’t want to file charges against a struggling family member.”
“But FIL is dead. He won’t face any consequences for his actions.”
“I would have a hard time trusting somebody like my husband with finances if he didn’t go through with this. NTA.” ~ DrWhoop87
OP came back to chat a bit…
“As some of you might have gathered, yes, my husband has heritage reasons for trying to honor his father even in death.”
“He is also a Jr.”
“He is an only child and was raised only by his mother.”
“His father did not sign his birth certificate but was a large part of his life.”
“His father’s estate is gone to probate court to be settled.”
“Because of his accent and his dislike for confrontation, my husband actually had me speak to everyone yesterday.”
“Collection agencies did not have our address or his phone number, which is why we have not even hounded.”
“Everyone I spoke to has told me they have had no success in reaching him since they acquired the debt.”
“So no, he wasn’t hiding something. He didn’t know.”
“We have had complications with the credit bureau for the last three years trying to access my husband’s credit report.”
“We have had to go to the police station and show several pieces of ID and send in letters to confirm his identity.”
“It took the banks to get us to do everything again to resolve the issue.”
“Originally, we thought it was because there was no activity on his credit report.”
“Now we know that at least one account used his father’s S[ocial] S[ecurity] N[umber] with my husband’s D[ate] O[f] B[irth] and these created issues.”
“Finally, for those people who want to know what the price of my bad feelings is, I just paid 18,000 out of pocket to make sure this man wasn’t buried in a cardboard box.”
“I loved my FIL, and had he told us about his financial struggles. We would have helped him.”
“This isn’t even about the money.”
“Yesterday, I asked every agency if they would just put paid in full next to the bill, and I would pay it off.”
“I’ll save the money again.”
“They wouldn’t take the collections off his credit score.”
“It’s not six months worth saving that I’m concerned about.”
“It’s 3-5 years that that record can stick to his account, which will stop us from purchasing any time in the near future.”
“Finally, my husband needed a minute, but he called me today at lunch and said he has to do what is right for our future.”
“He is going forward with the fraud report this evening.”
“Thank you all for the reassurance.”
What an unfortunate situation you’re stuck in.
But it sounds like Reddit is behind you, OP.
And it’s good to hear that you and the hubby will work this out.
Good luck with everything.