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Indian Woman Upsets Parents By Rejecting Surprise Proposal From Suitor They Picked Out

Upset Indian Woman
Bhupi/Getty Images

Today, marriage is a conscientious decision made by two people to commit to one another owing to their mutual love.

Though marriages weren’t always done purely out of love.

For the better part of history, most marriages were arranged and were intended to either merge two wealthy families together, to ease royal and/or diplomatic relations, or to improve a family’s financial or social status.

With the brides being viewed as property in all these situations.

While thankfully, young women are for the most part no longer viewed as property, there are many people who still have antiquated views of marriage, particularly when it comes to young women.

The family of Redditor Throwaway_81_ was somewhat dismayed at the fact that she was still unmarried, despite her relatively young age.

As a result, they decided to take matters into their own hands.

A decision which, rather expectedly, did not go well at all with the original poster (OP).

Worried that she may have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for humiliating a man and his entire family when he proposed to me?”

The OP explained how she and her family never quite saw eye to eye, resulting in her deciding to try and make it on her own.

“I (28 F[emale]) come from a very traditional Indian family.”

“I left them when I came to the USA for uni because I knew that if I accepted their help in paying my fees they would hold it against me later.”

“I got a part-time job along with the financial aid I was receiving.”

“I maintained low contact and didn’t visit them in person until I was 26 when they contacted me on my younger brother passing uni.”

“For the last two years, I have visited them four times and each time they’ve been talking about marriage although I stated very clearly that I wasn’t interested.”

“They brought up kids and how finding guys willing to marry older women was hard.”

“I said no problem because I’m child-free and that I don’t need/want them to find a guy for me.”

Eventually, it seemed that the OP’s family had turned a tide, and she was willing to reconnect, only to find out that she had, in fact, been set up, in more ways than one.

“January this year, I went to visit them and they said that they had something ‘special’ for me and that I would absolutely love it.”

“The day after I reached their home, they said they were throwing me a ‘welcome home party’.”

“I thought they were trying to fix our relationship and let it be.”

“They invited a lot of people and it had obviously already been planned.”

“An hour in, my parents introduced me to a man in his thirties, F, and his parents.”

“So, next thing I know, F goes down on one knee and whips out a beautiful ring.”

“I’m surprised and angry at my parents for still trying to control my life and putting me in such a situation.”

“I said no, but then our parents began to push my buttons and I exploded.”

“I called F, his parents and my parents low-lives for trying to trick me and basically insulted their views, calling them misogynistic and disgusting.”

“Told them to go f themselves and left.’

“I packed my bags and went to stay at a hotel until it was time for my flight.”

“My mom cried and begged me to stay and said that they had already paid for half of the dowry and ring.”

“I stopped responding to my parent’s calls and texts because I was done with them.”

“My cousins and some old friends have been telling me that I was being unfair by being so rude to F and his parents.”

“Thing is, they were in on it.”

“They expected me to say yes and sent me a lot of insults when I refused to reconsider.”

“They were humiliated and in their tiny group of small-minded people, my parents were being ostracized for raising a ‘whore’ of a daughter.”

“F and his parents were also humiliated because they were rejected by a ‘whore’.”

“I feel like I should’ve handled the situation more delicately, rather than blowing up at all of them.”

“AITA for being so rude?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not at all the a**hole for rejecting F’s proposal.

Everyone agreed that the OP’s family put her in an unfair situation, and needed to catch up with the times and that it was in the OP’s best interest to keep her distance from them for the foreseeable future.


“This was a trap that they knew they were setting and you didn’t fall for it.”

“It doesn’t sound like you owe these people anything and if they think they can use the money to goad you into marriage the least they can do is write a check so you can burn it.”- PoorCorrelation


“But don’t go back.”

“In case they trap you.”- Cautious_Potential35


“What they did to you was manipulative and so, so controlling.”

“It’s great that you are completely independent of them and I wouldn’t blame you for going complete no-contact.”

“That culture is likely very ingrained in your family’s minds and lives, so much so that they won’t be likely to change their views anytime soon.”

“I don’t think what you did was really rude considering the situation and pressure they put on you, all without your consent.”- mikl0ser


“I struggle to understand how your parents thought you’d ‘love this surprise?'”- giantbrownguy


“You told them several times how you felt about the situation and that you wanted a relationship on your terms if it ever happened.”

“They didn’t listen and popped a surprise proposal on you without warning or regard to your wishes.”

“After you said no, they kept pushing you.”

“You owe them nothing at this point as you explained your position clearly multiple times.”

“They are the AHs for not listening to your desires where all of this is concerned.”

“I wish you the best moving forward and suggest going low-no contact again for a while.”

“If only for your sanity.”- Anthissa21

“Get on that plane and don’t go back.”

“You have seen what they will do if you do.”

“If, and I mean IF, you keep contact, get a wedding ring to wear.”

“That they will see.”

“It doesn’t have to be real or have a man attached to it, but if they see you are taken, they may not try another stunt like this.”

“You are NTA.”

“They embarrassed themselves by underestimating your independence, strength, and stubbornness.”

“Good for you :).”- Servantofbosco


“Your family and their backward a** 17th century views on women as property with no self-determination or worth other than as wives or baby factories are garbage with no place in today’s world.”

“One of my good friends in school had the entire world going for her, great degree from a great college, intelligent, super bright outlook on life, and amazing attitude.”

“She could have been a CEO or Senator or self-made millionaire by 40.”

“Instead her family basically did the same thing they did to you, ambushed her when she went home with an arranged marriage and told her she would be the shame of the family and community if she said no.”

“So she relented and married the guy.”

“She ended up having 4 kids with him so far, and is still in India, having never come back to the States, and completely hating her life.”

“They deserve to be shamed and humiliated.”

“Run away, run fast, and run far and NEVER look back.”- m0v00mw

The OP later returned with an update, clearing up some things about her personal life, as well as an update regarding her personal life.

“When I said that they were ‘in on it’ I meant that my parents had told them that I hadn’t met the ‘right guy’ and that I would come around, which is why they kept trying.”

“My parents expected me to surrender all my savings and money to F, live with F and his family in India, procreate with F three times, and do all the housework when I can’t even make a poached egg.”

“About letting me go to college, I told them two weeks before leaving for it and lived at my friend’s house with all my important documents, because I knew that they would do pretty much anything to keep me from going.”

“They called my uni and said that I wouldn’t be joining.”

“Uni contacted me and I cleared it up.”

“That’s why I didn’t talk to them and declined to let them pay.”

“For those of you who told me to wear a faux ring, I’m engaged to my girlfriend of five years and my parents aren’t getting an invite to the wedding.”

“I knew that they’d ask me about it if they saw it and disapprove of anyone that wasn’t Indian, let alone a female.”

“Thank you for your responses and I am never talking to my parents again.”

It’s a sad thought that the OP’s parents wouldn’t be happy for her and her impending nuptials.

As they have made it abundantly clear that seeing her get married seems to be literally all they ever wanted for her.

One can only hope the OP’s marriage proves to be all that she ever wanted, and that she’ll get the happily ever after she deserves.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.