Redditor throwaway0876527 has known for as long as she can remember that her parent’s marriage was not a positive one.
The Original Poster (OP) is only 16 years old, but it doesn’t take age to recognize when two people can’t stand each other.
The OP grew up hearing constant fighting and the word “divorce” thrown around more times than she could count.
So when the OP’s parents sat her down to announce their divorce (for real this time, not just a threat), the OP was largely unfazed.
Her parents were expecting tears and upset, causing them to be confused and perhaps even disappointed with her reaction.
This drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for how I responded when my parents said they were getting a divorce?”
She went on to say:
“I [16-year-old female] am an only child; there has been no secret that my mom and dad hate each other.”
“I don’t think a week has gone by without them having screaming matches, someone driving off in their car, you get the gist of it.”
“This has been kind off hurtful to me, they have never done anything to me, but they have always dumped their feelings about each other on me…”
“…I have always heard everything and yeah, no kid wants that.”
“They have been talking about getting a divorce in almost every argument since I can remember, like I think that is one of their most used words ever.”
“I have always hoped they would divorce, I love my parents I do but they also deserve a partner who loves them.”
“So last night while we were having dinner they told me they had some bad news and told me to please not get upset, that they have tried everything and so on.”
“They then broke the news that they are going to divorce each other, I just said ‘oh okay’ and continued eating.”
“They both started to cry and told me that I was insensitive, that I must have no feelings because who does not react to their parent’s divorce and more stuff.”
“They have been mad at me since because of my reaction, and when I talked to my friend, she told me that it was really bad of me to react like that even though I was happy about the news.”
“Maybe I was an a**hole for not reacting more but I mean I can’t really force tears for something for news I have waited my whole life on hearing..?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“Your reaction is normal”
“Nothing going on here besides you have drama parents” – RandomGuy_81
“NTA. You don’t have to perform sadness for them. It seems that you’ve already learned that just because you reach adulthood, it doesn’t mean that you reach maturity…”
“…and unfortunately it seems like you’re saddled with two emotionally immature parents.”
“Just know that their reaction is more about them and their inability to process their own emotions properly.” – regalfish
“NTA”
“They haven’t cared about your feelings up until now when they have been fighting. So why should you be worried about theirs now when they are finally doing what they have been building up to.”
“Hopefully you will be ok, and they will be much happier parents for you now they are going their separate ways.” – sjw_7
“NTA. What did they really expect? If/when it comes up just say you’ve heard them fighting for years threatening divorce, so why would you be surprised when it finally happened?”
“If it’s a productive conversation you could even mention that they could be better parents separately than they are together since there’s so much fighting…”
“…assuming they are decent parents individually.” – ExpensiveCricket934
“Tell them you’ll cry when they actually go through with it.”
“Tell them you cried and cried when you first heard divorce thrown in an argument, you cried when they shouted and trauma dumped on you their relationship problems…”
“…but when you hear the same thing over and over you get desensitised to it. Tell them that they can blame themselves for that” – concernedforhumans
“NTA.”
“I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say they very well may have justified staying together for this long by telling themselves they were doing it for you.”
“Realizing you don’t care would thus be rather jarring and unsettling for them.”
“Hang in there, honey. Hoping this gets better for you.’ – Reevadare1990
“I’m so sorry they are more focused on themselves and their feelings than you. NTA” – Only-Ingenuity7889
“NTA”
“OP when my Dad told me he and my Mom were separating I cheered in the middle of the restaurant we were eating at. I recall the memory now and have such joy in my heart.”
“Similar to yourself, I knew my parents needed a divorce from a young age, so the news didn’t come as a shock to me…”
“…(it probably didn’t to you either). It wasn’t a matter of ‘if’ it was a matter of ‘when’. You’ve been expecting it.”
“They should be upset with themselves, that they allowed you to see for years what an unhealthy relationship with two people who aren’t suited for each other looks like…”
“…and maybe that’s why they lashed out. Your reaction meant they weren’t pretending as well as they thought.”
“You’re fine OP. If your parents have a problem with your reaction, then that’s on them to deal with.” – EJ_1004
“NTA. They exposed you to things they shouldn’t have repeatedly and their selfishness and desensitization and not protecting you from their dysfunctional conflict…”
“…has resulted in you already finding this outcome normalized.”
“If anything, they should accept it even if you celebrate them divorcing as exposing children to this is abusive.”
“As adults, they have a responsibility to not be self indulgent with their tempers and conflict when it comes to exposing children to it.”
“It changes who children are and sets them up for life in one way or another unless they’re self-aware enough to know better or seek therapy.” – PicklesIsACat
“NTA”
“What did they expect when they were conditioning you for it? They need to get over themselves for once and stop putting themselves above you.”
“Instead of crying about you being ‘insensitive’ (which you were not), they need to ask themselves why that was your reaction.”
“Your friend is wrong and so are your parents. I feel for you that somehow you’re to blame.” – Revered-Sesshomaru
“NTA. Tell them you are actually relieved, and it should be no surprise to them since they always fought in front of you and regularly talked about divorce.”
“And that all that fighting made you realize years ago that they should divorce.”
“And that since you love them both, you really want them each to find someone who will love them and give them a loving and peaceful life.” – gloryhokinetic
“Definitely NTA, arguing in front of you, dumping their feelings on you, none of that’s okay. You’re completely right, they should have divorced long ago.”
“You did nothing wrong. If they care about your feelings, honestly telling them how much their behavior hurt you might make them realize that.”
“If it doesn’t, there’s probably not much you can do, but you’re still not at fault here.” – sephyir
“NTA. Combined with the fact that they dump all their emotional baggage on you during arguments, that they’re angry you’re not upset about a divorce speaks volumes about them.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong here, so don’t let anyone tell you differently.” – Mersey0101
“NTA, sounds like you saw the ending of their marriage before they did. You probably already mourned this divorce before they realized it needed to happen.” – Beneficial_Syrup_869
“NTA your parents have used you as their emotional support animal for so long they forgot you’re their kid” – bendytoepilot
“NTA. If they keep pushing for a reaction from you, smile and say, “I’m glad, now there will be less screaming in the house”. Truthful and may shut them up.” – bkwormtricia
“NTA – and there’s half a chance they stuck it out as long as they did ‘for your sake’, so by signalling to them that it’s no big deal to you…”
“…they’re pissed off at themselves for not getting out earlier.” – Diemeinung70
“NTA. Their drama is their drama. The fact that they reacted to you not being overly upset over this is their issue.”
“You are an only child in the middle of a household where your parents don’t like each other. This must be a relief for you.”
“Hopefully, they’ll understand this down the road, but for now, you focus on you.” – SnooBunnies7461
“NTA. I am a 50 y/o only child whose parents sound very similar to yours: constant arguing, yelling, slamming and locking doors, driving off etc.”
“When I was a teenager, I prayed they would get divorced. I even suggested it. So in no way are you an AH for wanting some peace in your life.”
“Warring parents are exhausting to their children, be they young or old. And worse, you inevitably get pulled in. Don’t apologise for your reaction, it’s natural and normal.”
“BTW, my parents are still married and they’re still fighting. All the time. And I still wish they’d divorced years ago!” – Ok_hon
Verdict: Not the A**hole
Let us know what you think the comments below.