A student transferring to another school is a difficult transition, regardless of what grade level they’re in.
While trying to fit in and get acclimated is a main concern, one student from Ireland couldn’t get over an unforeseen hurdle when they arrived in the United States to continue their education.
When confronting the issue became an ongoing point of contention, they visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, the anonymous Redditor asked:
“AITA for telling my classmates that I don’t want a ‘American name?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi so basically I’m a Irish dude who recently moved to America for a year or so and basically when I introduced myself to my new American classmates they all decided that my name Ciarán is too hard to spell/ pronounce.”
“So they all collectively decided to give me a ‘American name.’ ”
The OP continued:
“Practically everyone has started to call me ‘Connor’ instead of my actual name and it starting to piss me off. I have told them many times that I actually don’t mind if they pronounce/spell/remember it wrong just as long as there calling me by my ACTUAL NAME.”
“Then even a few teachers are calling me Connor and I get a lil pissed off and tell everybody if they could please just call me Ciarán as polite as I possibly can.”
“Everyone told me I was being dramatic and have started to call me even other names just to annoy me. Like Caleb or Cade. Every time I bring up wanting to be called my actual name they all roll there eyes and give me snarky comments.”
“Of course I do like my classmates and there all nice but it does slightly piss me off. Am I being overdramatic or do I have a fair point??”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA and they are being ridiculous. That is the name that I gave my child and not only did people easily figure it out, but we met lots of other people with the same name in the US.”
“No one gets to rename you. There is no such thing as an American name. What they are doing is disrespectful and offensive. People can learn a new name. It’s not that hard.”
“(Now my daughter has a name that really baffles Americans because there is a séimhiú in it. She says her name, people ask her to spell it, and she’s like yeah that’s not going to help, lol. But they still learn it!)”
“It also opens up a lot of cool conversations. When we were in Hawai’i, some older ladies asked her about her name and she started explaining séimhiús and the Irish language and, the ladies were like, ‘Endangered indigenous language from a colonized island? Yes!'” They spent hours talking to her about Irish history and Hawaiian history and indigenous solidarity and how important it is that when her mom talks to her in Irish, she answers in Irish and not English.”
“They also emphasized that when people say her name wrong, she corrects them each time because it’s part of her identity and it’s important. That’s the advice I give to you!” – AdelleDeWitt
“NTA. Stop answering anyone that doesn’t call you by your actual name, including teachers. When called out on it, say you didn’t realize they were talking to you because they didn’t use your name.” – kirinspeaks
“NTA.”
“As someone who has an irish name that is relatively common in the US, I feel you. I was shocked at how often people get it wrong (despite plenty of celebrities having the same first name).”
“Ciarán isn’t even that hard of one in that isn’t far off in pronunciation from what one might guess. Hear it once and you will get it pretty close. (There are other Irish names where this is not the case).”
“Anyway… no one else gets to choose your name for you.” – ACorania
“NTA. Give ‘em all irish names, cause that’s easier, or have a movie night. Watch an american tail.”
“It’s not stupid, it’s your name, and nobody gets to erase your identity to ‘make things easier.’ ” – dryadduinath
“NTA. It’s so disrespectful that they would rather ‘rename’ you than just attempt to learn a new word? It’s seriously problematic that the teachers are adding to the problem.”
“Be petty. Start calling them by Irish names that are kind of close to theirs. (Like, none of your 20 classmates can learn your name but expect you to memorize all of theirs?)” – aj_alva
“NTA – American here who named my daughter Muireann knowing her name would be butchered. She never allowed nicknames because she loves her name and is proud of her ancestry (she’s an adult now). She will, when writing her name on, say admission forms, put in parenthesis how to phonetically say her name which works).”
“As for when they’re calling out names, she will always correct folks and while they may not say her name perfectly, they say it. You should be pissed and continue to fight the good fight! (love your name btw).” – whynotImherealready
“I’m american, but ive got a welsh name – in my first year of high school, my history teacher spent 10 minutes During class going back and forth with me to get the pronunciation of my name right even though id offered him the nickname my family calls me by – he insisted that it was my name and that it was important for him to say it right.”
“At the time i was mortified because this had interrupted roll call on the first day of class, but its been 11 years since then and im so grateful to him for caring that much.”
“NTA, definitively – your name matters, you matter, and if they cared, theyd put in the effort.” – say-that
“They’re not nice, they’re bullies. The teachers are enabling it. It’s awful, I’m so sorry.”
“Everyone deserves to be called by their name or the nickname of their choice. Make an effort to pronounce it the best you can is not too much to ask of someone, it’s basic respect.”
“Talk to the teachers 1:1 and let them know what’s going on, that it bothers you, that you’d like to be called by your name, and ask for them to support you in this. If they continue after that go above them to the principal, but hopefully they won’t.”
“And in the meantime ignore anyone who isn’t at least trying to use your name.”
“Good luck.” – SummitJunkie7
“NTA.”
“The issue is, once people get stuck on something because they know it will bother you, it’s hard to get them distracted.”
“Being a mature, civilized human being, you should return the favor. Start calling them by the most unfashionable American names possible, with exaggerated emphasis. Clarence. Joe-Bob. Cletus. Brock. Be sure to put these names in the sentence early, and with added voice breaks if you can.” – FragrantImposter
“NTA.”
“DONT respond to anyone until they use your name. It’s extremely disrespectful and childish. Also I would report your teachers, they’re supposed to be on your side 100%, not be lazy a**holes. That’s borderline harassment.” – OliveMammoth6696
“NTA – Your classmates are jerks. Your name is not hard to pronounce, they’re just xenophobic. Don’t answer to anything they call you if it’s not your name. And if they keep calling other names, start doing it right back. Call them any name but their own, and when they pushback on that, tell them ‘oh, sorry. Since you think it’s acceptable to call me something different because it’s so “difficult” to remember/pronounce my name, I thought it was only fair that I do the same.’ “
“Keep that up until they get it or until you graduate, whatever happens first.” – lolajet
“NTA. As a teacher, I make sure I learn (and practice if needed) to say all my kids names correctly. I’ve worked with some really diverse cultural groups, and the name Ciarán isn’t even that hard!”
“Keep this boundary. Collect them every time. Also, rename them with Irish/Gaelic names and refuse to use their names until they get the point. Tell the school to pull up those teachers who aren’t using your name. Get your parents to come down and demand they use your name.” – kingcasperr
“NTA. They are lazy and inconsiderate. I am petty to extremes, so my suggestion is to start calling them Mortimer, Aloysius, Floyd, Gertrude, Ankaret, Ethel or whatever incorrect names seem good to you. If they change your name, change theirs.” – SadLocal8314
Overall, Redditors remained appalled over the students’ unwillingness to do better and give in to bullying, enabled by the teacher.
They also thought learning to correctly pronounce the names of fellow classmates can be a great opportunity to introduce different cultures to young students.
Perpetuating this not only hurts the OP, it can have long-lasting effects after being constantly subjected to identity erasure. It’s all about respect.