To truth or not to truth… that is the question.
It’s never easy dishing out hard truths.
No matter what, the messenger tends to be the villain.
So what does one do?
Ah… there is the real question.
Case in point…
Redditor Cultural-Counter5605 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my sister that her engagement ring was cheap?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I [F[emale] 26] have a wife Katie [F 26].”
“I have a younger sister Lydia [F 22] who got engaged to her fiancé Seth [M[ale] 24] around a month ago.”
“Seth’s family is pretty well-off, his parents both work in the business sector and can afford a very lavish lifestyle.”
“Although Seth has a decent job, his parents send him money regularly.”
“He proposed to Lydia with a ring that they both constantly brag about, bragging about how expensive it is.”
“Seth claims the ring is worth about $50k.”
“Katie is a jeweler and has been one for a long time, so Lydia asked if she could clean and polish the ring as a favor.”
“Katie agreed.”
“She told me later in private that the ring is made of cheap materials, and is worth no more than $30.”
“After a long conversation we decided it would be best if I told Lydia.”
“I talked to Lydia in private and explained to her as gently as possible that Katie had a good look at the ring and that it is definitely not worth the amount of money that Seth said it was.”
“Lydia was shocked.”
“She said Seth must have been scammed by whoever he bought the ring off of.”
“Lydia later talked to Seth.”
“I wasn’t there for the conversation but apparently Seth knew the ring was cheap and was hoping Lydia wouldn’t find this out.”
“Lydia ended up calling off the engagement, and is currently staying with a friend and not talking to Seth.”
“My parents are furious with me and Katie and are accusing us of sabotaging my sister’s relationship, and said we should’ve minded our own business.”
“They said there’s unfair pressure on men to spend a lot of money on rings and that we were being selfish.”
“A lot of our extended family also think we’re the villains, so I’m wondering if what we did was the right thing.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“The fact that Seth lied and said the ring was worth 50K and it was actually worth $30 is the key here- he lied when he didn’t have to.”
“Repeatedly, from the sounds of it.”
“It’s not about the ring, it’s about dishonesty and trust.”
“It’s about character and honor.”
“NTA, she needed to know that he was lying to her.” ~ Melmoth_Milton
“Absolutely NTA… its said it’s not about the price of the ring it’s the fact he lied repeatedly AND was happy to keep lying.”
“I used to work in a jewellers and where I’m from $30 wouldn’t even get you a sterling silver ring with a large cubic zirconia in it.”
“So if the ring was that cheap it was only a matter of time before the truth came out as the metal would start to discolor.”
“Or her hand would, then if it came out that katie knew all along you guys would be the bad guy again so no win.” ~ equimot
“Somewhat disagree about the ring not mattering, because $30 makes me think the materials were really cheap, rather than it being a few hundred.”
“Metal sensitivities are pretty common — I believe up to 15% of people have it, so it’s important to know what a ring is made out of!”
“But, yes, he’s also an enormous liar.”
“Were your parents happy for your sister to be conned over this matter?”
“NTA, of course.” ~ SimmingPanda
“The stupidity of this guy is legendary.”
“The chance of his fraud being discovered is 99.9999%.”
“Maybe you need it insured and need an appraisal, get it cleaned by a jeweler, have a friend who is a jeweler, or just simply knowledgeable.”
“Seth must have thought she was a absolute moron, or he is, or both.” ~ Meastro44
“NTA because Seth lied to her. “
“That is a big, huge, unforgivable deal that doesn’t bode well for married life together.”
“Yes, there’s advertising pressure on men to buy the most expensive ring ever.”
“But a lot of women don’t actually care whether he spends thousands of dollars on an engagement ring or not.”
“Seth could have gotten something reasonably nice that he could afford and been honest with your sister about it.”
“He chose not to.” ~ Far_Anteater_256
“Eventually she would have taken it in for cleaning but even a moderately priced ring should be appraised.”
“And insured so how could anybody expect she wouldn’t discover the truth in the near future? NTA.” ~ blueheronflight
“NTA. While your parents are right about the unfair pressure surrounding rings, her fiancé lied.”
“He didn’t just lie, he lied by such a huge amount.”
“You guys also told her privately, that she ended the engagement is not on you and was her own choice.” ~ Mammoth-Neat-5930
“There’s just a huge difference between paying $30 and saying it’s worth $50K!”
“I’m wondering how on earth the sister was able to believe the price… I’d think something that cheap would be pretty obvious?”
“I can see being fooled by fake stones, but $30 wouldnt buy a metal that could pass as gold or platinum. NTA.” ~ rainyhawk
“NTA. No one forced Seth to lie about the ring’s value, let alone continue to brag about it.”
“He CHOSE to do that and his deception would have been discovered whenever Lydia attempted to insure the ring.”
“The person that everyone should be upset with is Seth, and no one else.”
“You and your wife had ZERO obligation to maintain his lie and any actions that Lydia took after she was informed of the deception were her own.” ~ Key-Bit1208
“NTA. You exposed her future husband as a liar.”
“The issue isn’t that the ring is cheap, it’s that he lied about how valuable it is to make himself look better.”
“The fact that your family is mad that you saved your sister from marrying someone willing to lie to her over something like the value of a wedding ring makes them a-holes as well.” ~ Sushistereo
“NTA. $30 is massively different from $50k, so you and your wife really had an obligation to bring it up to your sister.”
“Why wouldn’t you?”
“You did that as delicately as possible.”
“Your sister assumed the best intentions from her fiancée, which made sense considering that expensive of a ring was within his/his family’s budget.”
“Her primary concern upon learning about the ring was that her fiancee was scammed.”
“No wrongdoing there.”
“Turns out your sister’s fiancee lied to her and everyone else, and had her looking like a fool showing off a $30 ring.”
“He planned to keep this lie going… indefinitely?”
“Until it literally disintegrated or turned green? What. A . Jerk.”
“Good for your sister for calling this off.”
“It says so much more about him and their relationship than the cost of the ring. Wow.”
“Your parents shouldn’t be wishing she didn’t get access to the truth and what a lying jerk her fiancée was.” ~ larkspurred
“You didn’t sabotage anything, her fiancée did by lying to your sister.”
“The cost of a ring doesn’t really mean anything, but lying about it really does. NTA.” ~ YouCantSeemToForget
“NTA. You were discreet and honest with your sister.”
“The cost of the ring is not what matters, his lies are and that just makes you wonder what else is he going to lie about and hide?” ~ an0nym0uswr1ter
“NTA, you did the right thing and looked out for your sis.”
“It’s up to your sis and Seth to figure out how to run their relationship and they are adult enough to make the decision to cancel the engagement.”
“It seemed Seth felt like lying was fine, in this situation it’s not the money that is an issue (although it sucks he didn’t want to buy her a nice ring).”
“It’s the fact he lied to his future partner and was happy to live with the deceit.” ~ Sleepypeanutzzz
“NTA. The value of the ring isn’t the issue – it’s the fact that he willingly lied about it.”
“To counter-act the ‘pressure on men to spend a lot on a ring,’ my boyfriend told me that his friends are spending $10,000 on their girlfriend’s engagement ring.”
“I told him that’s way too much.”
“I sent him a list of options, ranging in price from $400 to $1,700.”
“It really depends on the woman.”
“More and more women are opting for lab-grown diamonds, moissanite, and colored stones.”
“The natural Diamond’s market share is shrinking significantly as far an engagement ring goes.”
“However, both parties are aware of what they are buying.” ~ juicystar1908
OP explained…
“Lydia wanted the ring cleaned and polished as she had a photoshoot planned.”
“Lydia isn’t mad at me or Katie for telling her, she’s just very upset that Seth lied to her.”
Well OP, Reddit is in your corner.
You and your wife told the truth.
The truth can suck.
But better to hear sooner than later.
Good luck.