Sleep is an imperative part of life.
That’s why sleep deprived people go insane.
If another person is impeding another’s restful sleep, that can cause some major relationship issues.
Case in point…
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA? My husband won’t let me sleep?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Ok, so I work 12 to 16 hour shifts at an extremely labor intensive job that requires the use of heavy machinery.”
“My job is dangerous and I need to stay focused while at work.”
“This part is important.”
“So, my husband has a friend who is a truck driver.”
“His friend calls at odd hours every night.”
“Usually between 1am and 4am.”
“My husband always accepts these calls and then proceeds to have very loud, very long conversations right next to me.”
“Which inevitably wakes me up and keeps me awake.”
“I have asked him firmly, but politely, to either take the calls at a later hour, or to leave the room while he talks so that my sleep is not disturbed.”
“He refuses to do this.”
“And says that he has to answer the calls to help keep his friend awake while he is on the road.”
“I understand wanting to help a friend, but I do not understand needing to keep me awake while doing it.”
‘So, for the last week, I have been locking myself in the guest bedroom and sleeping on the guest bed when I have a shift scheduled.”
“Now my husband is angry and says that it hurts his feelings that I am no longer sleeping next to him every night.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. He’s upset at a problem HE IS CREATING.”
“He’s 100% able to resolve this issue, you’re not responsible for his lack of consideration towards your needs.”
“The mental gymnastics he’s applying to a situation of his own creation are impressive.” ~ IChooseYouSnorlax
“So wait his logic is he has to keep his friend awake so that his friend is safe at work.”
“But he’s keeping his wife awake and knowingly making her unsafe at work to do this.”
“I’m trying to logic my way out of this one and I can’t.” ~ aquestionofsunshine
“One of the reasons I temporarily broke up with my college boyfriend (now husband) was because he kept waking me up during my nap between classes.”
‘I NEEDED this nap to survive my crazy workload as a double major in the music school.”
“He definitely learned to let me sleep and now that I’ve been diagnosed with narcolepsy, he really gets it.”
“If my husband did this I would kick him out.”
“This is a crazy story and I can’t imagine a spouse being this dense about a situation that could easily be resolved.”
“Not allowing someone to get enough sleep is just cruel. NTA!” ~ smcivor1982
“NTA. If you want your S[ignificant] O[ther] to sleep next to you don’t be a jacka**.”
“I will gladly go sleep in the other room if my snoring is keeping my wife awake.”
“I can’t even fathom accepting a phone call and staying in bed next to her.”
“This is not just relationship 101 this is common human decency 101.” ~ littlebrownbeetle1
“NTA. He’s putting your health and job at risk.”
“Separate bedrooms are great for lots of couples!” ~ EradiKate
“Even if OP had a very easy desk job, her husband would still be TA.”
“It’s rude to wake someone up in the middle of the night when a very easy alternative solution (bringing the phone into another room, or separate bedrooms) is available.” ~ madd-eve
“This! I have a desk job, doesn’t mean I get any less cranky if I’m running on significantly reduced sleep.”
“Also, there are distinct health concerns related to chronic sleep deprivation, to the point where in some relationships it can become a form of abuse.”
“My ex would always keep me up late at night, which really messed up my work at previous jobs.”
“Not saying that’s what’s happening here, but a lack of sleep is bad for anyone.” ~ hihihanna
“I have a remote desk job (so nothing even close to OP) and if my partner thinks they might potentially keep me up we sleep in different rooms.”
“It’s not that hard at all to respect someone’s need to sleep, in my mind it is actively more difficult to argue and complain rather than pull out a damn cot and sleep in a different room.” ~ fruple
“NTA. He’s creating a potentially unsafe situation for OP.”
“My husband and I have been together 7 years.”
“Of those 7 years, we’ve spent approx 6.5 of them in separate rooms and we sleep so much better!”
“I prefer a softer surface, semi-cool, and stretching out.”
“He prefers a former surface, super cold, & doesn’t really move in his sleep.”
“We’ve also had opposite shifts most of the time we’ve been together (him days, me nights).”
“He used to get his feelings hurt, but we’ve come to realize it’s the best possible situation for us both.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA, he doesn’t need to be in the bedroom for his call!!”
“And him acting like you hurt his feelings is childish and manipulative.” ~ angelique_t
“You are definitely NTA.”
“Sleep deprivation has very real consequences for your health and functioning.”
“Why is he prioritizing his friend’s sleep needs over yours?”
“The fact that you’ve communicated this to him already without him empathizing and adjusting his behavior is concerning.” ~ whita309
“So he’s taking long, loud calls next to you and disrupting your sleep; he won’t go in another room to take the calls; and he’s mad that you decided to sleep elsewhere?”
“Make it clear to him: If he wants you sleeping next to him, he either stops taking the calls…”
“Doesn’t his friend have someone else they can call?”
“Can’t they play loud radio or something?
“Or he takes them in another room.”
“Otherwise, you’ll be sleeping elsewhere. NTA.” ~ DaniCapsFan
“I’m going to hard disagree with you because of personal experience.”
“I’ve done many 10-12 hour drives and loud music/windows all down doesn’t keep me from nearly dozing off.”
“Having someone to talk to, however, does.”
“Husband is 100% TA op NTA but to say it’s horseshit driver needs someone to talk to is wrong.” ~ thatonethrowaway44
“My hubby drives long haul truck and the regulations are crazy tight.”
“If he is driving tired then what is he doing with mandatory 10 hours off?”
“Also my hubby would never call anyone at that time no professional truck driver would.”
“Also the OP is NTA.” ~ AngelBearMama
“Here is the thing.”
“Truckers are required by LAW to be off the road for 6 hours for every 12 hours on the road.”
“They are also required to take breaks after I think every 4 hours but on that I’m not sure.”
“Either this driver is fudging his logs or needs to manage his time better.”
“4 of my 5 uncles are over the road truckers.”
“One of my family members is a dispatcher and another owns a trucking company.”
“The guy is an TA the husband is TA. OP is NTA.”
“OH! and as someone who does a lot of driving myself. Gum!”
“When you know you cant take time to get off the road chew gum.”
‘The act of chewing keeps you awake.” ~ kash21222
“NTA. He is prioritizating his friends life over yours.”
“Maybe he can sleep with his friend.”
“Just move into the other bedroom.”
“Then make your husband find a couples counselor for both of you.” ~ dca_user
“Omg NTA.”
“I couldn’t imagine dealing with this on the regular.”
“Your husband is a selfish AH and being completely ridiculous – seriously who thinks taking phone calls in the middle of the night whilst next to someone is ok??” ~ REDDIT
“Why is he the Only person this friend can call?”
“And – if he needs to be awake for calls on some nights… why can’t he Plan that, and He sleep in the guest bedroom those nights?”
“Better way to phrase to husband…”
“Your friend can call other people too.”
“And if you want to do this for your friend, you need to plan it.”
“And on the nights you plan to do this – you sleep in the guest bedroom.”
“And if you want to sleep in our bedroom – your phone goes in the guest bedroom first.”
“You can use my phone for an alarm.”
“Or an actual alarm clock.”
“Put your foot down OP.” ~ PragmaticSquirrel
“NTA, Jesus.”
“Why the hell would he have to take those calls while in the bedroom?”
“He could just go elsewhere.”
“He’s not gonna be asleep while on the phone, and he doesn’t let you sleep either.”
“This is just incredibly bizarre and incredibly inconsiderate.”
“This sounds emotionally abusive, regardless of how conscious he is of what he’s doing.” ~ AccessConcentration
“Definitely NTA.”
“Your hubby is incredibly inconsiderate of your feelings in all this.”
“I get wanting to help his friend out but why should you suffer for it?”
“Even after you have moved yourself into the guest bedroom, your hubby is still just thinking of himself and not you in the slightest.”
“Your hubby needs to realise what he is doing.”
“You will need to sit down with him and discuss this.”
“He needs to understand what he is doing to you.”
“You haven’t asked him to stop speaking to his friend, only that he doesn’t do it next to you.” ~ SalamiShowdown
Well OP, Reddit is here for you.
You need your rest.
It sounds like it’s time for a more serious chat with your hubby, maybe with a therpaist.
Sleep is vital.
Rest well soon.