Words wield power.
When people use them as weapons it can cause great pain and drama.
That is why avoiding idle gossip and rumors is a life choice for many.
When people feel the need to spread misinformation, the consequences can lead to a lot of heartache.
So why do it?
And how can victims find retribution?
Case in point…
Redditor Outside-Bath9511 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for asking for my money back after getting kicked out of a wedding party for a rumor that wasn’t true?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“AITA for asking the bride of the wedding to reimburse me for the costs I incurred while participating in her wedding festivities after she kicked me out of the wedding due to an untrue rumor?”
“For some background, I and the bride have been friends since college and have stayed close.”
“I was asked to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and of course, I accepted because I love her and wanted to help celebrate her big day.”
“During the months leading up to the wedding, I bought several items for the wedding itself and paid for my portion of a bachelorette trip which was a joint trip with the groom and his groomsmen and a few added friends.”
“The weekend of the trip came and we loaded up the car and set off to our destination.”
“The whole rumor started that I attempted to sleep with one of the groom’s friends on the trip, which was not true and had no logical basis.”
“The rumor was started by another bridesmaid who was upset that me and the guy she was currently talking to used to have a relationship years ago.”
“And when he found out that I was on the trip he started asking her questions concerning me and my life at the present time.”
“I have not spoken to this guy since we cut off contact 2 years ago.”
“So she saw me conversing with one of the groom’s friends at the bar we had gone to the first night of the trip.”
“She took it upon herself to start saying that she saw me and this friend of the groom, who was married sneak off to the bathroom to hook up.”
“This of course did not happen but with this girl being a friend of the bride much longer than me the bride took her side and asked me to leave the bachelorette trip the next morning.”
“In total, I was on the trip for less than 24 hours.”
“The trip was booked for 5 days.”
“Later, after the trip, about a week before the wedding, I texted the bride a question about the dress and was met with a long text about how I was no longer a part of the bridal party.”
“And would not be able to attend the wedding due to the rumors.”
“She informed me that her whole family and the groom’s family were uncomfortable with my being a part of the event due to the rumor.”
“And since the friend that I allegedly slept with was a long-time friend of the groom’s family he would not be uninvited.”
“So am I the a**hole for asking the bride to be reimbursed for the rest of the trip I was not allowed to stay for and the other charges I incurred for the sole purpose of being in her wedding?
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. This is very disgustingly sexist, if you two HAD done something, why is it only you they’re uncomfortable with?”
“it’s really none of their business anyway.”
“If you or he aren’t I can see a problem arising but honestly, again, it takes two to tango.”
“The fact they are villainizing the woman and the guy isn’t even sticking up for what actually happened is disgusting.”
“You won’t get your money back though.”
“They’re awful, through and through.” ~ Martymcflym81337
“The groomsman is married.”
“So he’d have cheated if they actually hooked up.”
“But I guess OP is the horrible home wrecker, groomsman could hardly be blamed for succumbing to her womanly charms.”
“I agree OP wouldn’t get the money back even if she asked.”
“I dunno what legal ground you’d have to get a refund.”
“It would probably even give the bride and groom more ammunition against OP with mutual friends by telling them OP is demanding money off of them.” ~ Future-Bread7179
“Absolutely NTA. What is the fault of the bride?”
“While I understand that he doesn’t want drama in his marriage, this is a rumor as a product of jealousy and patently untrue.” ~ ChemicalLow9684
“HE is the married one, and nobody blamed him.”
“Even if something did happen, he is the one who took vows!!”
“I also agree it is not right what happened to OP, but I don´t see legally how she could have a claim to get her money back.”
“The bride and others are clearly all a**holes, and I think OP is just going to have to cut them off and move on.”
“Although it would be tempting to do something petty involving the bridesmaid’s dress, I mean OP owns it so it is hers to destroy.”
“I wouldn´t go to the wedding with it, though, because that is just giving the bride and the a**holes more attention.” ~ Crafty_Dog_4674
“Where was this groom’s friend that you supposedly slept with, and why didn’t he say anything?”
“Anyway, you can ask for your money back but just take the loss and delete these people from your life if everything you said is true. NTA.” ~ StrawberryKey8913
“NTA. The only reason you agreed to the cost was because you were originally intended to be part of said wedding.”
“Since your ‘friend’ don’t want you in said wedding anymore and believes someone else, then she should not have any problems with paying you back.”
“If anything, she and her family are AH for not believing you.” ~ Random_Trinidadian
“NTA and be as classy as they are and post everything on social media, with names, dates, and amounts of money you have been cheated out of.”
“And once the sh*tstorm passes, erase the bride and the rest of a**holes from your life, ’cause you don’t want that kind of garbage in your life.” ~ Cassinys
“NTA. These are shit friends.” ~ dibblechibbs
OP came back with more information…
“After reading the comments, here is more Information that has been requested!”
“Also thank y’all so much for the kind words and amazing advice!”
“It means the world and helps make a hard situation much easier to deal with!”
“A common question that was raised was how I knew the bridesmaid started the rumor and how I knew my ex had been asking her about me.”
“1- A girl that had met the bride around the same time as me was also in the wedding.”
“Me, this girl I’ll call her (J), and the bride had a little group of us three where we would hang out together weekly while in college.”
“The bridesmaid who started the rumor (X), I’ll call her, was confiding in J about my ex (her current situation-ship, (I’ll call him B).”
“X had informed J that she didn’t realize me and B had dated in the past.”
“She found this out by stalking my Instagram and seeing pictures of us together.”
“J informed X that we had a fling for a summer between freshman and sophomore year of college.”
“X told J that B had seen her Snapchat and Instagram stories of all of us at supper and had asked about me and was wanting to know how I was doing in life since ‘It’s been forever since I’ve seen her.'”
“Obviously X was upset at this and told J that it had upset her and that I (OP) had not even thought about doing anything or reaching out to him.”
“J then told me about their conversation and about my ex’s interest in my current life.”
“I brushed it off as just petty drama and assumed that X would cool off and realize that it all happened a long time ago and was a non-issue.”
“That is how I knew that my ex was asking about me.”
“I even went as far as to talk to X and assure her that I and B had long been over and did not have any contact except through social media following.”
“X was short and responded coldly like she was not interested in what I had to say, but I’m not one to stir the pot, so I let it alone.”
“As far as knowing who started the rumor, I gathered from a couple of other people in the wedding party and others on the trip who had been saying what and the common denominator in all the conversations was X.”
“It’s pretty easy to decipher who has ill feelings towards someone in a group that small, given the previous conversations I had with J.”
“X was the only person there who would have any reason to feel bitter towards me.”
“2. Another common question/concern that arose was why the groom’s friend did not defend or refute the accusations.”
“From my understanding, the groomsman (I’ll call him N) has had previous indiscretions in his marriage.”
“Please keep in mind I did not know and had never met N until the trip.”
“The only things I knew about him were those that were told to me by the bride and her family when we were discussing those who would be attending the trip.”
“One of the things said by the bride’s mother was that N had a history of infidelity.”
“But that he and his wife were trying to work through things.”
“Due to not knowing N, I had no contact information for him, and as he was not a part of the actual wedding party but just a family friend of the groom.”
“I had no last name to go by to even attempt to look him up to reach out.”
“As far as him not refuting the claims I believe he did not wish to draw attention to himself for things that he had been proven guilty of in the past.”
“Whether he was still cheating on his wife with other people, I have no idea. It’s honestly not my business.”
“But as I’ve learned living in a small town in the south, most men will not go out of their way to defend someone that they’re accused of cheating with.”
“Especially when they have a past of that exact thing because, to be honest, who would believe them?”
“This is not an excuse for N at all.”
“I fully believe he should have done the right thing and been a man to step up and squash the rumors, but as things were on ice with his wife to begin with, I don’t think he wanted to rock the boat.”
“I hope this clears up some questions and gives some more Information!”
“Once again, thank y’all so much!!”
Well, OP, Reddit is firmly in your corner.
This whole situation is way out of control.
Hopefully, in the end, you feel good about your choices.
And hopefully, several people in this tale seek some counseling.
They’ll be other weddings to attend in the future.
And there are better friends to be made.
Good luck.