You never know what kind of interactions you’re going to have by living in a large apartment complex.
You’re lucky if you live in a nice community, as having even one enemy can grow into an uncomfortable living experience. One woman had a combative encounter at the pool and left her wondering if she was in the wrong for her public conduct.
So she visited the “Am I the A** Hole?” (AITAH) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Aggressive-Teach-539 asked:
“AITAH for untying my bikini top at a public pool?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (22 F[female]) live at a pretty nice apartment complex and regularly use the pool to tan and swim. Today I came to lay out and do some homework and to my surprise nobody was here (this was around 10am).”
“For context, this pool is pretty big, and if I had to guess, there are around 50 reclining pool chairs surrounding the pool.”
The OP continued:
“Well about 15 minutes ago (11:30ish) a lady came with her kids and out of every open spot chose the seats literally right next to me (Annoying but fine).”
“Well, I’m on my stomach, laying out in my bikini, minding my own business, and have my bikini top untied so I don’t get tan lines on my back. (Keep in mind my upper parts are NOT showing I’m completely on my stomach and any side boob would be showing whether the straps are tied or not.”
“Anyways, I turn my head and smile at this lady as she’s sitting down with her kids, and she gives me a disgusted look and starts scolding me for having my top untied in front of her kids.”
“I was pretty taken aback and said, ‘Well, you could go sit somewhere else if you don’t like it,’ and she called me an a**hole. So am I the a**hole for having my top untied in front of her kids?”
The OP clarified some points in edits, writing:
“I think some people are confused, my boobs were not showing at all. My top was still on, only my back strap was untied.”
“Also there are many comments about the dangers of tanning, I hear your concerns. I do use sunscreen and go to the dermatologist every year or so. I am aware that skin cancer is dangerous.”
“Laying out in Florida is no different than going on the boat for hours or spending the day at the beach. Also, almost everything in the US causes cancer- from the genetically modified food to the chemicals in our clothes.”
“All I can do is live my life and take precautions when possible.”
In a second update, the OP wrote:
“She left not long ago. I’m heading back to my apartment now. It’s Sunday so the office is closed. Nothing escalated after the last update. There are probably 20 people here so I don’t think she wanted to cause a scene once others started showing up.”
“I’ll see if I get an email or anything from the office, I doubt they’ll even be able to identify me because I’m wearing a hat and it’s a large complex but if anything else happens I’ll let you guys know! Thank u so much for all the replies.”
She wrote in a third update:
“Well, this is a pretty quick update, but she moved over like 5 chairs and is literally taking pictures of me right now, and I asked what her problem was, and she said she’s sending it to the apartments management office. So I’ll let you guys know if anything else happens. I’m just trying my best to ignore her at this point.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“Email the office and let them know someone was taking pictures of you and harassing you. Get ahead of whatever weirdo sh*t she’s gonna pull.” – Clean-Ad-8872
“This needs more upvotes than I can give. OP should definitely get ahead of whatever this lady might try to do. An email should suffice to get ahead of any lies she may try to tell.”
“I’m not sure if security cameras would be allowed to exist at a public pool, but if they do, the footage could work in favor of your claim that she harassed you.” – Love_Guenhwyvar
“The 2nd person to speak up is on the defensive the entire time. I learned this the hard way, many times lol. I thought staying quiet and not causing trouble makes sh*t go away. Definitely not.”
“If you think someone is going to report you for something and you believe you are not guilty, you better document your actions leading up the incident as soon as you can while they are fresh and make that report to whoever it is asap. Even if it’s your parents because your brother was mean. Home, workplace, where you live, a crazy person in Walmart. First word means more than last IMO.” – mr_potatoface
“People saying to email the office are right, but personally I’d stop by in person first chance tomorrow. Make sure they know how unsafe and uncomfortable it was and you want to make it known you were harassed and would like to also make sure you’re not doing anything wrong (you arent).”
“Edit: make sure you also email. The commenter below me is very right that having it documented is important in case of any number of things not being handled correctly or if you’re told one thing to your face but they do something different.” – Rumkitty
“Not sure where you live but New York City passed a law that stated something like ‘A Woman may walk about the City topless as long as she is not doing it for money.’ “
“People need to lighten up, she could have taken up seats anywhere other than beside you!!!”
“NTAH!!!!!” – Sunshine_0203
“NTA. You were literally just trying to avoid tan lines while lying on your stomach. Nothing was showing. She’s the one who chose to sit right next to you when there were FIFTY other chairs available.”
“Parents who act like the entire world needs to bend to their standards for their precious children are exhausting. You weren’t exposing yourself to anyone.”
“She could have quietly moved instead of making a scene and trying to shame you. Her kids probably wouldn’t have even noticed if she hadn’t drawn attention to it.” – Ill-Astronaut-1218
“NTA. How rude of her! I am a mom. I have little kids, and when I go to our complex pool and the young ladies are sun bathing, I try to keep my kids on the other side of the pool so they don’t splash or disturb them. I remember being a student and getting a few precious hours or minutes to relax between studies and work and interning. You deserve your peace and respect as much as anyone else.”
“ETA: The top is no big deal. If she’s such a prude, one wonders why she’s sitting so close in an otherwise empty pool. 🤔” – New_Needleworker_473
“Next time tell her that your bikini top is offended that she has her children out in public. You are appalled that she is flaunting having had sexual relation twice in her life. (Adjust the number to suit the number of kids)”
“NTA.” – Relatents
“NTA. You were literally just lying there minding your own business, fully covered. If she was so ‘offended,’ she could’ve picked literally any of the 50 other spots. Sounds like she was looking for something to be mad about. Don’t let her stress you out. “ – chesus_almugabar
“NTA, laughing in European. Growing up, I saw so many boobs out at public pools, it’s not detrimental to children‘s mental health. And as you said, nothing was visible.” – Cyrandre
“Tell me you’re from the US without telling me you’re from the US. I live in a small city in Spain. EVERY beach is top-optional and women of all ages, shapes, and sizes take advantage of it. No one gawks. No one b*tches. No one takes photos.” – JanetInSpain
“She sounds miserable with herself. I wouldn’t take it personally there’s a lot of haters out there when it comes to young women. When I was in my 20s the moms at my daughter’s school would hate on me just for that alone… she had the option to sit far away from you and keep her kids from seeing it but she chose to sit next to you and complain. I would take pictures of the empty pool area so if you are contacted you’ll have a rebuttal.” – Champagne82
“NTA. Contact your apartment manager, hopefully before she gets a chance. Tell them what happened. Nothing was showing. Depending on where you live you might have been allowed to be topless at the pool.”
“Where I live, anywhere a man is allowed to be topless, then so is a woman. I suggest also looking up local laws about the legality of being topless even though you weren’t topless. It’s good to know what the local laws and regulations are regarding that.” – SilentJoe1986
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was not traumatizing the woman’s kids.
However, they thought the complainer was making a bigger deal out of the situation and her reaction to a non-issue was bordering on harassment with the taking of photos as an antagonistic ploy.