Bringing food to a gathering includes some level of responsibility. Like don’t give everyone food that will give them food poisoning.
No one wants a case of salmonella as a party favor.
But what about individual party guests’ allergies? Is that part of food prep if nothing was mentioned as part of the invitation?
Or should each person be responsible for themselves?
A party guest who brought food turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after a guest complained about their contributions.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no official voting acronyms and no final judgment given.
Braziers_f asked:
“AITAH for bringing real cheese snacks to a baby shower and not warning people about the dairy?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So I (27, female) went to my cousin’s baby shower last weekend and offered to bring snacks. I love cooking and wanted to make something special instead of the usual premade grocery store trays and cookies.”
“I made homemade goldfish-style crackers with real sharp cheddar, butter, and spices (the expensive stuff too). Everyone loved them and were grabbing handfuls upon handfuls.”
“I even put them in little pastel bowls around the house so everyone wouldn’t crowd around one spot, but like an hour in, her friend who we shall refer to as Linda comes up to me and asks if there was dairy products in those crackers. I said yes, they’re obviously cheese crackers.”
“She looked horrified and said she was lactose intolerant, then said she was feeling sick. She went to lie down and later told everyone I should’ve warned people.”
“It’s very clearly a cheese cracker, though. They’re orange. They smell like cheese. What part of that screams safe for sensitive stomachs?”
“She didn’t ask beforehand, she didn’t even hesitate, just kept eating them and then acted like I poisoned her. Someone else chimed in and said I should’ve labeled them for allergens, but I didn’t realize dairy was apparently an allergen now.”
“It’s not like I snuck shellfish into brownies. It’s cheddar. In cheese crackers. At a party.”
“The host (my cousin) said everything was fine and not to worry, but now I’m hearing from my mom that Linda’s telling people she was ‘violently ill’ and that ‘the food wasn’t safe’.”
“I think that’s dramatic, honestly. If your stomach can’t handle cheese ma’am, maybe don’t eat mystery crackers at a party?”
“So now there’s drama in the group chat about how ‘we should make food more inclusive’ and I’m being told I should apologize to keep the peace.”
“AITAH for bringing cheesy snacks to a baby shower and assuming adults would know how to avoid something they can’t eat?”
The OP shared their cheese cracker recipe.
“This is the one I normally use, but I add garlic powder, too, and use smoked paprika instead of normal. Way better taste!”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong (NTA).
“NTA. I am severely lactose intolerant so you know what I do? I make sure food is dairy-free before I shove it into my pie hole, and I don’t delegate the job of monitoring what I eat to my host.”
“She’s drama-mongering. You have nothing to apologize for. She is a grown adult who should know how to govern herself better and carry a supply of Lactaid.” ~ Flimsy_Ad_655
“NTA. I’m lactose intolerant. I LOVE cheese. I pop a Lactaid and enjoy my life.” ~ Urban_Peacock
“Samesies! I carry lactose pills at all times because of random events. Work party with pizza? Good thing I have my Lactaid.”
“Everyone wants to go to get ice cream? If I don’t like any of the dairy-free options or there are none, I can either skip it altogether or pop some lactose pills and get a small size and have a few bites!”
“I will say though some people do have a greater allergy to milk protein which to my understand is worse than lactose intolerance issues but again…if you know you have those issues it’s up to yourself to govern what you do or do not eat and if you fail to ask about the ingredients that’s your own fault!”
“Basically eat at your own risk. OP is NTA. If people wanted stuff to have a disclaimer, it should have been requested prior to people stuffing their faces.”
“Plus I mean…cheese crackers are pretty obvious and in fact there are some aged cheddar brands that have no lactose anyway as well in case op would care to find some for later use when making those.”
“Plant butter is also a good substitute and works fine for most baking recipes that I have used. Not saying op has to do this, but if they feel like accommodating if asked for a future event.” ~ kittapoo
“Wouldn’t you think after the first bite, she would taste the cheese and question it at that point? Yet, she still consumes handfuls of them.”
“She’s an adult, so she should also be held accountable for her intolerance.” ~ Roxxxxxxxxxxx03
“Like how do you eat a whole bowl of cheesy snacks, and then go, ‘wait a sec, was that..cheese?’ It’s giving detective after the crime scene energy.” ~ Obvious-Mulberry2696
“I cannot eat gluten, and a number of times I have caught it while eating something that should be gluten-free but isn’t. I can tell immediately.”
“I was recently delivered a cheeseburger with a gluten-free bun (as was on the order), but as soon as I started to take a bite, I could tell it was a regular bun.”
“They are supposed to look and taste the same, but anyone with a gluten sensitivity will likely know the second they are eating, or even seeing the texture of, regular bread, pasta etc…”
“I called the restaurant and spoke with the manager, just describing it, he confirmed they used the wrong bun. There is no way she ate the entire bowl and didn’t realize it.” ~ InterestingTry5190
“Tell her, ‘I’m sorry you didn’t know cheese is a dairy product. ‘” ~ GroovyYaYa
“Or ‘I’m sorry you didn’t know that Goldfish are cheese crackers’.”
“Even if they weren’t homemade, real Goldfish say ‘CHEDDAR 100% REAL CHEESE’ in HUGE letters on the packaging. This isn’t some obscure snack, it’s freaking Goldfish, everyone knows they’re cheddar flavor!” ~ Issvera
“I am a strong believer that one should NEVER ‘apologize to keep the peace’. That is just another form of lying. You did nothing wrong to need to apologize.”
“This is coming from someone who cannot eat gluten (celiac), dairy (lactose intolerant), soy, cane sugar, or nightshades.”
“You better believe your bottom dollar I do not eat anything unless I ask first, and even then I skip most food at family gatherings because I alone have to suffer the consequences of cross contamination.” ~ BooFreshy
“An alcoholic wouldn’t drink a beer and then cry that someone should have told them there was alcohol in there!”
“Her allergy, her responsibility to check foods. You were doing something nice. Ignore the allergy princess.” ~ Eastern-Opening9419
“Let’s see…party for a bunch of women without cheese…nope…never heard of one. No chocolate either I suppose. NTA.”
“Did she expect them to be lactose-free, glucose-free, sugar-free, and low salt too?”
“Tell her you weren’t operating the hands she was using to place them into her mouth.” ~ anonanon-do-do-do
“What’s crazy to me is that the real Goldfish are made with cheese. What did she think homemade ones were made from?” ~ Kee-suh
“NTA. I am extremely allergic to almond flour (really any processed almonds), amongst other random food allergies. I wouldn’t touch a thing at a party without verifying what’s in something.”
“This is on Linda. FWIW, people who are lactose intolerant usually are the ones I know that will still down cheesy pizza or a handful of cheddar cubes and then take a Lactaid.” ~ keetots
“NTA. She’s an idiot and should know better if she is that violently reactive to lactose.” ~ amyloulie
“Sounds like Linda was jealous that everyone likes your crackers so much. What did Linda bring?” ~ Princesscut
“NTA. If this person, Linda, was genuinely allergic or seriously vegan, she would have asked many questions before putting anything homemade by a stranger into her mouth.”
“The host, OP’s cousin, said don’t worry about it. So the correct answer is: don’t worry about it. It’s not OP’s problem.” ~ Useful-Commission-76
“You’re NTA. Ms. Linda needs to take responsibility for her own choice of eating what sounds like cheese crackers.”
“I feel like milk is one of those ingredients that’s basic in A LOT of food, so you should be aware enough to ask about it if you have a sensitivity and are an adult.” ~ AlwaysHufflepuff
“NTA—if you have allergies and don’t know what’s in something, you ask. Period. Always. It was dumb of them not to. They own that.”
“However, saying ‘since when is dairy an allergen’ made me laugh. Since forever. It’s always been a major allergen (there are hundreds of minor ones).”
“There are 8 major allergens: tree nuts, peanuts, shellfish, egg, dairy, soy, wheat, and sesame.”
“Sesame was added (in the US—has been in other countries) recently, but the others have always been major allergens. Always.”
“Source: I worked in restaurants for 21 years, worked as a food safety inspector for the state, worked for the FDA, and now work for a food manufacturer in quality and food safety.” ~ Slinkadynk
OP brought food to an event for free.
They aren’t responsible for every guest’s personal choices when it comes to what they eat.