No matter how much people try to plan every minute of their day, sometimes even our best laid plans need to be changed.
Sometimes, something might happen that is simply out of our control and requires our plans to be changed.
However, sometimes changing our plans isn’t possible.
A concept not everyone can understand.
The husband of Redditor Time-Koala-3674 needed a medical procedure.
A procedure that required the original poster (OP)’s assistance.
While the OP told her husband that in order for her to help, he would need to schedule this procedure during a certain time.
Unfortunately, he ignored these instructions and scheduled the procedure during a time the OP was completely unavailable.
After being called “selfish” by her husband, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to drive my husband home from his colonoscopy?”
The OP explained why they found herself unable to assist her husband:
‘My husband went to doc back in September.”
‘He needs a colonoscopy.”
“I reminded him in October. In Nov, he had yet to schedule.”
“I reminded him again and told him to try to schedule it before the end of the year because we hit all insurance and basically free.”
“He told me yesterday he scheduled for the 19th.”
“We supposed to be in NE for the holidays.”
“He then said we needed to wait, and then after his colonoscopy, we would drive there.”
“Which means I would be driving seven plus hours by myself in late afternoon and evening.”
“I don’t do well at night.”
“I could do it if in the morning.”
“I told him to r/s to after 1st of year.”
“He said no to help save money.”
“So he then r/s to next Wednesday, 17th, and said he needed me to pick him up at 12:30.”
“I told him I can’t do that because of my job.”
“I am a teacher, and it is one of my busiest times of year.”
“He says I am being rigid, not flexible, and selfish.”
“Also, that I don’t care about him.”
“I explained that I can’t just leave my class for 30 minutes, especially during lunch hour.”
“Plus, he’s going to undergo general anesthesia.”
“He needs somebody to be with him.”
“Also, what if it takes longer than 30 minutes?”
“He said you would figure it out if it was an emergency.”
“This is not an emergency.”
“I also told him I can’t leave that day because I have parents coming in to help with a big project, a party I am leading, and a parent conference after school.”
“All of this was scheduled before his colonoscopy, which he did not check with my schedule.”
“He says it is because I can’t talk on the phone.”
“I mentioned that he could do it when I get home. He says they are closed – I get home most days at 3:30.”
“He told me to figure it out because he would do it for me.”
“I told him I wouldn’t have given him a week’s notice to figure it out for something that’s going to require me to take a day off of work.”
“And it’s not on me if he waited until last minute to get it scheduled.”
“I told him to reschedule for the first of the year, and I didn’t care if we’d have to pay more because at this point in time, there’s not a lot of options with the holidays.”
“He said no and figure it out. I said no.”
“He’s says I am a sh*t because family first and now isn’t talking me.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community mostly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to leave school early to pick up her husband.
Everyone agreed that the OP made it very clear when she would and wouldn’t be able to pick her husband up from his colonoscopy, and if anyone was being selfish in this scenario, it was definitely him:
“Is he always this disrespectful of your time and your opinion?”
“He sounds unbearably rude to just flat out take no responsibility for his own procedure and just putting it all on you.”
“NTA.”- jdo5000
“Your husband and his ahole are the aholes, you’re NTA.”
“He can still leverage the insurance prior to the end of the year by getting a friend to drive him home.”
“That’s assuming he has friends, which may be unlikely based on how he treats you.”
“Still doesn’t address the drive to NE for the holidays right after his procedure, but that just makes him more the a**hole for forcing you to do the entire drive.”- baka-tari
“You’re NTA.”
“He’s the one who couldn’t get his sh*t together and schedule it for a time that wasn’t totally inconvenient.”- Dittoheadforever
“NTA.”
“There is no convincing me that this man would ‘just figure it out’ for you in the same circumstances.”- gold-magikarp
“NTA.”
“His lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on your part.”- IUseTh1sForThr0waway
“NTA.”
“Sounds like he doesn’t respect you at all.”- Vfrnut
“NTA.”
“Poor planning on his part does NOT constitute an emergency on your part.”- Riommar
“NTA.”
“You told him multiple times months ago.”
“If he’s that adamant about it happening now, it’s time to contact a close friend.”
“It’s not that difficult to check with your spouse about what days work best and what days are an absolute no.”- beautifulmonster98
“Jesus, NTA.”
“You’ve been clear, he needs to find someone else.”
“If he has no one to pick him up they won’t release him, or more likely, won’t let him go ahead with the surgery.”
“He can lie and say someone is picking him up and actually get an uber, but it’s not a good idea.”
“But I wouldn’t engage any further in this with him.”
“If he thinks you’re picking him up, more fool him.”
“You’re not.”
“You’re a teacher you have more than enough to worry about than your a**hole husband.”
“Sorry – your husband’s a**hole.”- RedditJustTheOnce
“NTA.”
“He won’t take any responsibility for how he’s screwed this up.”
“Too bad, you reminded him a few times and he messed that up, too.”
‘Go enjoy your Holiday events, let him figure it out.”- CuriousMindedAA
“NTA, He clearly doesn’t respect your time or work obligations.”- Low_Speed_4488
There were some, however, who felt that even if her husband’s planning was bad, her unwillingness to be there for him after a medical procedure was not a good look:
“YTA.”
“I can’t comprehend leaving my wife without a ride following a General anesthetic.”
“I could be angry with her for bad planning, but I would still drive and not mention it in the day.”
“That’s why am married.”- Rrdro
“YTA.”
“It’s an important medical procedure.”
“I don’t know why he needs it, but lots of people die from colon cancer that was diagnosed too late.”
“It requires general anesthesia, it can be very scary for a patient, and it’s one of those things that requires a close friend or partner to help out on the day of the procedure.”
“You’re not just any random person in his life.”
“You’re his wife.”
“You’re in a marriage.”
“You made a sacred vow to be there for eachother in matters of life and death.”
“He should have scheduled it earlier, sure.”
“But he needs it done, he needs it done sooner rather than later, and while I understand you have an important job, this matter requires taking off work.”
“So take off work.”
“Pull yourself together.”
“Stop complaining.”
“Do what’s required.”- melted-cheeseman
“YTA.”
“Do you not like your partner?”
“You seem to be looking for a reason to make this more difficult than he is making it.”
“Like is there a point to prove?”
“Is this something he does all the time?”
“He rescheduled and all the times appear to be inconvenient for you.”
“This is your partner. Someone, I assume, you love. who has a poor habit of procrastination about a scary procedure.”
“If that is what you put your foot down about, then you are the one with the issue.”- hereatyourcervix
“YTA take the day off.”- agent007g
“YTA.”
“Im a teacher.’
“Don’t give me the ‘I can’t leave my class for 30 minutes’.”
“Yes, yes you can, especially with ample notice.”
“You are just being super passive-aggressive because he didn’t schedule it as quickly as you wanted or when you wanted.”
“If the roles were reversed and he refused to pick you up, you would be here complaining about what a jerk he is.”- Reputation-Final
While some had trouble sympathizing with either the OP or her husband, feeling they both were being somewhat obstinate:
“Do y’all like each other?” The way you are both acting and talking to one another does not seem like all do.”
“ESH.”- kindanice2
It would be one thing if her husband were having an emergency, life-or-death procedure.
But as this was a routine, outpatient procedure he could have scheduled at his convenience, it’s hard to sympathize with his unwillingness to reschedule.
That being said, seeing how this all unfurled, one can’t help but wonder how happy this marriage actually is…