In this day and age of dietary issues and restrictions, planning a group menu can be a minefield.
Sometimes it can feel like generals in war have less trouble planning strategy.
So how do we all find a way to eat together?
Is there an answer?
Case in point…
Redditor Sea-Spray-2952 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for leaving a birthday party because I couldn’t eat my food inside?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My friend group had a surprise party for one of our friends last night.”
“Kim offered to host the party at her house and make the food for it, the rest of us would just show up right after getting off work to decorate and set up.”
“Kim is vegan which is fine and dandy, the only problem is I have a soy allergy.”
“Kim knows about this.”
“I never expect her to go out of her way to alter what she makes for my sake, there’s just an agreement between us that it’s not very often I can eat what she makes because she uses a lot of soy-based condiments and substitutes.”
“However, since this was a party taking place after work and was supposed to last awhile, I asked Kim if she could hold off on certain legumes and the like in at least one thing she makes so I could eat while at the party.”
“She said she would try.”
“For my part, I packed myself an extra lunch to keep in a cooler throughout the day.”
“It didn’t consist of any meat, but there were eggs and items made with mayo or yogurt.”
“I intended to eat it before the party started while decorating but I wasn’t hungry at that point.”
“Once the party started I did munch on some cut-up vegetables, but they weren’t cutting it, and I got really hungry.”
“Kim had made two things of mashed potatoes, but she couldn’t remember which bowl had been made with soy milk and which had been made with almond milk.”
“I went out to my car and brought my pack inside, so I could eat something.”
“Kim came over to me and said she could smell the mayo and told me to eat in my car, that she was fine that I wasn’t eating what she had made, but I knew she has a vegan household and doesn’t allow non-vegan foods in.”
“Mind you, it’s January, nighttime, and cold as h*ll outside.”
“I wasn’t going to argue with her because it was her house and didn’t want to ruin the party by addressing the issue right there.”
“But I also didn’t want to have to speed eat while sitting in my car or make frequent trips outside just to snack, so I said goodbye to our friend whose birthday it was and left.”
“A couple of hours later I started getting a bunch of texts asking why I had left so early in the night.”
“I said it was because I was hungry.”
“But some of our friends kept pushing because they had seen me come inside with my pack after saying I was grabbing food, so I was honest with them that it was because Kim told me to go eat in my car.”
“Some of our friends are split now and think Kim should’ve been willing to be flexible since it was at night and really cold outside, and others are siding with her.”
“Kim is just mad and thinks I started drama on purpose.”
“AITA for leaving after she told me to eat in my car?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA… and she is one of the reasons that vegans have such a bad rep.”
“It’s not rocket science to prepare at least one dish that you can eat — and to remember which dish that was.”
“You know. Put a post-it on it. Put a purple spoon.”
“Something. or, ya know, make everything with almond milk instead of soy milk for one night.” ~ Princess-She-ra
“Yeah, if she came to your house, we all know she would have requested a vegan meal.”
“Plus, if you told her I don’t remember which bowl is which, then she would have claimed you hate vegans.”
“And if you had asked her to eat her soy salad outside!!!”
“Holy s**t storm, batman!”
“She would have been all over social media blaming you.” ~ Standard-Reception90
“I would rather let my friend eat animal-based products in my house rather than risk having to have the party end early because of a food allergy that I was too lazy to accommodate properly.”
“I’m not vegan, but come on people, be flexible and accommodate others if you want them to accommodate you. NTA.” ~ Environmental_Art591
“My friend group and I have dinner at each other’s places every once in a while.”
“We all have lists of each other allergies or dislikes, for example, one friend is allergic to tomatoes, so if he’s there, we either make the food without it or make sure his food isn’t touching tomatoes in any way.”
“I don’t like onions, I don’t expect my friends to make dishes without them as they like it, but they always make me a plate without onions.”
“When I had a vegetarian friend over I made sure she could eat just as much as the rest of us.”
“Friends don’t let friends go hungry. OP, NTA.” ~ shirinrin
“NTA and I betcha she ‘graciously’ offered to host so she could impose her vegan views on all of you.”
“There is nothing wrong with being a vegan but being a proselytizing one is.” ~Idontlikesoup1
“Also, as a host, she ONLY had available/made one side dish, mashed potatoes, for someone with an allergy.”
“So rude. I would never.”
“So many vegan, non-soy options she could have graciously had.”
“NTA, and she’s not your friend.” ~ gimmetots123
“Seriously, like have a baked potato bar or something with all vegan toppings.”
“That is way simpler than making mashed potatoes than mixing them up.”
“Plus it’s audacious of her to make EVERY vegan thing with a soy substitute because not everything has to have soy in it, like a cucumber salad or something.”
“She’s a terrible host, especially using OP as labor for decorations and then banishing her because how dare she eat eggs in her presence.” ~ geenersaurus
“Soy alternatives are really easy to find and deal with.”
“She only offers mashed potatoes and doesn’t even make the effort to mark the soy-free dish appropriately.”
“She’s not a friend. NTA.” ~ Cuuldurach
“I mean I’ve gone vegan for health reasons but also because of welfare concerns.”
“But I would NEVER make someone I called a friend eat out in the cold simply because they brought nonvegan food into the house.”
“I think that’s pretty selfish.”
“And not even labeling the mashed potato shows she doesn’t give a damn about op’s soy allergy.”
“Dump her, she’s not a friend, OP.” ~ ToothSuccessful9654
“I’m vegan for the same reasons, and it is very easy to make dishes everyone can enjoy.”
“My husband makes a killer spaghetti sauce that no one even misses the meat portion.”
“I also will not harp on others for what they eat.”
“I wouldn’t want someone cooking a giant ham in my oven, but someone wants to eat a sandwich with mayo or something?”
“Yeah, go ahead.” ~ Cat-Mama_2
“As a vegetarian, I find Kim’s disinterest in OP’s ability to have something she can eat disappointing.”
“It’s something that happens to those of us that don’t eat meat on occasion: there are either no, limited, or just not appealing options for us at some events.”
“It’s OK, the world doesn’t have to cater to us.”
“But I’d expect someone else that has experienced that to want to avoid doing the same to someone else.” ~ Geistbar
“Not only did she not cater to her guest.”
“She told her it was ‘okay’ that her guest didn’t want to eat the food she was allergic to.”
“Then she proceeded to tell her guest that she is not allowed to eat the food she is not allergic to.” ~ Grimy_Earthborn
“Exactly right. NTA.”
“Vegans (including myself for a long time) have long been the ones who have had to pack their own lunch and bring it to events because it’s not the norm to be catered for.”
“I have been in your position munching on carrot sticks while my family digs into ribs or whatever.”
“She should understand more than most how it feels to not be able to eat anything at an event, so she was insensitive and rude to you.” ~ Ir0nMaven
“This exactly!”
“Also soy is a really common allergen, wouldn’t it have been better to just not cook with it for 1 night? Definitely NTA.” ~ Puzzled_Cat_3377
“NTA. I understand not wanting nonvegan foods in her home, but Kim isn’t a good host or a good friend.”
“You remained tactful and tried to save face for Kim, but she shot herself in the foot by brushing you off without a second thought.” ~ pennywhistlesmoonpie
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
You deserve better parties and maybe… better friends.
Your dietary choices and/or restrictions are your business.
Happy dining in the future!