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Lesbian Balks After Straight Roommate Calls Her ‘Perverse’ For Taking Her Bra Off In Front Of Her

Woman removing her bra
Siro Rodenas Cortes/GettyImages

Roommate compatibility is key to successfully saving money on living expenses.

And while moving in with your best friend, family member, or significant other isn’t always an available option, one could only hope the person agreeing to share the same space with you will be respectful.

While that is generally the case, sometimes, unfortunately, it takes one thing for everything to go off the rails.

One teenager recently welcomed a new roommate due to an emergency, and her response to an unexpected reaction led her to seek judgment on the “Am I the A**hole?” subReddit.

Redditor Emotional_Neck_9462 asked:

“AITA for telling my friend she needs to be more comfortable around other people’s bodies?”

“I (18 F[emale]) live with my flatmate, ‘Ella’. Our flat has two bedrooms, but the ceiling of her room collapsed a couple days ago (she was not there at the time, thank God) and I have a double bed so she’s been sleeping in my room until it’s successfully mended which, knowing our landlord, will be at the last possible moment.”

“Yesterday evening, I got changed to go to bed. Ella was in the room, at my desk doing some revision, but I didn’t really think that it would impact her.”

The OP was not expecting the reaction that followed.

“I did say that I was going to get changed and she didn’t seem to care. I don’t wear a bra to sleep so I took it off before putting on my pyjama shirt. My bare chest was visible for maybe 10 seconds at most, and she screamed and accused me of flashing her.”

“I kind of laughed at her response because it was unexpected, and asked her why this was so dramatic. She said it was really inappropriate for me to be topless around someone else, and that she couldn’t believe I had been so disrespectful.”

“It’s probably cultural differences – I live in the UK, but until I was 13 I lived in the Netherlands, and there the human form is not kept secret or demonised. I’ve seen my family members naked and I’m not uncomfortable around bodies – we all have one, after all.”

“I apologised, but said that I didn’t understand why it was disrespectful as it’s not as if I was doing anything sexual. It was a genuine question, but she just said I was being ‘unbelievable.'”

She continued explaining:

“I said that it seems to me that she just needs to be more comfortable around bodies, because they’re not inherently sexual or inappropriate.”

“She accused me of being ‘perverse’ and of ‘forcing’ myself upon her. I am a lesbian, so she could think that I fancy her (for the record, I do not) or be uncomfortable with sharing a bed.”

“She didn’t explicitly say any of this, but again I am autistic so she could have said it just indirectly, and then me getting changed in front of her could have been the ‘last straw'”.

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.

“NTA. You warned her that you were changing, if she cared she should have looked away. It doesn’t count as ‘flashing’ when there’s a warning and you’re in your own damn bedroom.”

“If you were prancing around the whole house nude it would be one thing, but changing into pjs? Yeah, she needs to pull the tree out of her ass and chill.” – Meallaire

“My spidey sense also tells me that the last bit about OP being a lesbian has something to do with it…”

“I mean, she was supposedly at the desk doing revision, so unless OP sat directly on the desk and shoved roomie’s head in her chest it’s Ella’s fault for staring at her… so the only disrespectful one is Ella.”

“At one point I shared a really small changing room with 20 other girls. After practice some would change their bra because of sweat and whatnot. The respectful thing to do is simply not to look since it’s a changing room specifically designed for that as is the bedroom.”

“NTA.” – Alex_Spier1′

“Agreed. The way she was at a desk and still somehow noticed OP is sus. Unless OP’s room is grand enough to have the desk in the center of it, and the walls are covered in mirrors, the roommate didn’t see anything ‘aaccidentally.'”

“Even if the room was decorated that way, OP still gave her a heads up. She could’ve kept her head down in response.”

“I’m thinking the roommate was ‘okay’ with OP being a lesbian until she was sharing a bed. The reality of it was ‘suddenly’ in her face, and she showed how she truly feels about it.”

“NTA.” – Dragoncelica

“NTA you gave her a heads up that you were changing.”

“I had a summer job once that had me living in an open concept cabin with 8 other girls. Our policy was before changing, we’d call out ‘I’m changing, don’t look if you don’t want to see.'”

We were all very close and comfortable with each other, but, like you, we gave the courtesy of the warning. Looking is on her.” – Dali_Laa_Laa

“I would honestly not share a room with her if there were literally anywhere else for either person to stay. She sounds like she has hangups and is willing to accuse OP of bs.”

“The last thing OP needs is some girl going around campus accusing her of being a predator for changing in her own damn room.” – mitsuhachi

“This. I went to boarding school in the UK and there was never any fuss about immodesty or changing in front of one another. in fact, there were many instances where it was required by the school (eg: changing rooms for equestrian, gymnasium, and swimming) or by circumstance (for example, a 4 am fire alarm in the dead of winter when you needed to throw on something warm).”

“This sounds more like homophobia than an actual ‘flashing’ issue.”

“NTA, OP. Tell your roommate that if she can’t handle you changing in YOUR OWN ROOM, she can find another place to revise or do so in her own room! (Jk) Seriously, you’re doing her a favor by sharing your own space with her and she can climb right off that homophobia horse.” – RogueSlytherin


“considering you told her you were going to change and you share a room i dont think you’re in the wrong. unfortunately because you are a lesbian (dw i am too) she probably does think you were trying to be perverse and flash her, i doubt the reaction would be the same if you were straight.”

“id recommend going forward you ask her to look away or close her eyes so you can change real quick.” – BasicHair6973

“NTA. You warned her that you were going to get changed. She could have just looked away. Bodies aren’t inherently sexual, as you said, and Ella’s reasoning sounds homophobic.” – marilynmansonf’kme

“NTA. Your bedroom, you’re allowed to get dressed/undressed there. Ella can go sleep on the couch if she is frightened by the fleeting sight of a bare chest.” – Helen_A_Handbasket

“NTA. So many straight girls are convinced we’ll be in love either them and try seducing them at one point or another. If she doesn’t want to see some tiddies she needs to NOT turn around when someone is getting changed. Sounds to me she has some deep-seated homophobia she needs to address.”

“That or she’s secretly a bit gay herself, and it sent her into panic mode. This would be a great set up for a fanfic but yeah its real life, so I’m truly sorry OP, you don’t deserve to be screamed at for getting changed after you told her and in your bedroom. If she’s that uncomfortable sharing a room maybe she could sleep on the couch or something?”

“What you need to keep in mind is just to respect her boundaries. Instead of saying ‘you just need to be more comfortable’ see if you can reach a middle ground. Maybe she exits the room while anyone is getting changed, change in the bathroom, both of you face away from the person you’re getting changed in front of, etc.”

“It’s wonderful that you’re comfortable with your body. I personally believe that you shouldn’t hide it and that she should just get used to it too, but unfortunately if you want a drama-free situation here you might need to do some simple stuff to accommodate her.”

“If you DON’T care about being drama free then by all means free the tiddy!!! I believe in you.” – zanpire

Overall, Redditors thought the roommate was being overly dramatic with her reaction to seeing the OP naked despite being given an advance warning.

If they were to remain sharing the same space, Redditors thought the roommate should relax, especially since she was the one being offered a place to stay after being inconvenienced.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo