Words matter because words can hurt, and they have impact.
We are at a place were everyone is grappling with the words they use.
It’s been a long time coming, but we’re learning.
And many of us have a long way to go.
Case in point…
Redditor NewDrover72 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to drive the neighbor’s child home from school when he called me a F-slur?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am a 18 year old in high school.”
“I bought myself my first car this year and buy my own gas.”
“But my parents let me put the car on their insurance instead of getting my own in exchange for a few chores, including driving my neighbor’s child home from school occasionally when the parents are working late.”
“Last Friday my parents asked me to pick the neighbor’s boy Kyle up from school.”
“He is a high school freshman but he has skipped a grade so he is younger than usual.”
“Maybe better academically but honestly he’s immature even for his age.”
“Also for context I’m a lesbian and just a week ago I asked my crush to be my girlfriend and she said yes!!”
“Now another thing about me driving, I’m new and my parents have told me it’s really important not to be distracted driving.”
“If there is ever a distraction like my brother misbehaving I should pull over and not drive again until I can drive without a distraction.”
“They don’t let me drive my friends yet or anyone but my brother and Kyle because they could be a distraction.”
“So I was driving my brother and Kyle home last Friday and Kyle says ‘I heard you’re a f-slur’ (but he didn’t censor himself).”
“I had just pulled out of the school driveway and gone maybe 30 feet.”
“I pulled over, parked the car in someone’s driveway, and turned around and said ‘Excuse me, what did you just say?'”
“And he goes Are you a f-slur?'”
“And I go ‘I have a girlfriend, but you can’t be using that word. Ever, you hear me?'”
“He said ‘So you’re a F-slur then?'”
“And I said ‘Did your father or mother teach you that word?'”
“He said ‘no everyone knows that what you are.'”
“I asked where he had learned that word, was it at home?”
“He said no, he wasn’t a r-word, he knows what it means.”
“I said that if he spoke one more word I was kicking him out of the car.”
“And that I was going to speak to his parents.”
He said “What, you’re gonna go tattle like a baby because I’m just stating the obvious? Everyone says it.”
“I started the car again and drove back to the school.”
“I parked there and told him to come with me to the office.”
“He wouldn’t, so I walked to the office alone and asked the guidance counselor for help.”
“There was a freshman boy who wouldn’t leave my car, was calling me slurs, and needed his parents to come pick him up or someone to help him find the correct bus.”
“She went out and brought him to the office and I went home with my my brother.”
“I told my parents what had happened but they apparently got a call from the neighbors first who’d been called at work by the school.”
“They were furious I caused problems with the next door neighbors.”
“Saying I should have just driven him home and they could have a talk with his parents.”
“I said he was distracting me and they had told me I can’t drive with distracting people in the car.”
“And they said I was ‘twisting their words.'”
“AITA for not taking the kid home?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. At least you went back to school and left the kid at a safe environment. That kid needed a lesson.”
“What you did was merely a slap on his wrist.”
“You know, had it happened a few years later, or when he’s an adult he could be held accountable for babbling his mouth without thinking much.”
“But anyway I hope he learned the lesson and stop using that word. Geez.” ~ cookieenmelk
“OP behaved absolutely great.”
“I’m wondering where she learned it… her parents? Hell no!”
“The neighbors kid felt so big in the car because he thought that he can’t be punished.”
“Using the slur in every sentence showed that he just wanted to provoke OP.”
“Her parents should be proud of her and his parents should be angry of their nice child, but no, they misdirect their anger to OP.”
“It is so much easier than dealing with a misbehaving teenager boy, haha.”
“NTA.” ~ Sheeps_n_Birds
“I am so proud of you. You absolutely rocked this situation.”
“I’m a career high school teacher.”
“When your parents calm down, possibly consider asking if you folks could sit and talk about the situation.”
“They should be so proud of you for putting safety first.”
“An emboldened, immature teen boy in a car, who thinks taunting a driver is a good idea even after the car’s stopped to deal with the situation, is a hazard.”
“Who knows how this would’ve escalated if you’d continued driving?”
“Further, it was simply brilliant to send him to the counselor.”
“Counselors jobs are to deal with students like this boy before his mouth gets him into much more serious trouble.”
“You could’ve also referred him to the assistant-principal, but YOU chose not to escalate the situation.”
“IF he is allowed in your car again, and if he says any hateful, distracting words again to you, pull over and ask him to think carefully—if he says one more awful word, you’ll take him to the assistant-principal.”
“He was using hate speech on school property as you began driving.”
“Schools are required to care about this.”
“You were very kind to choose the counselor the first time.”
“Your maturity, self-respect, and excellent decision-making skills deserve praise.”
“Please show our comments to your parents.” ~ Daffodils28
“Same. I’m Muslim and South Asian and I already hear my kids getting picked on.”
“I hope they have the spine and presence of mind to stand up for themselves with this same amount of dignity.”
“Well done you. NTA.” ~ fns1981
“NTA – As a fellow lesbian, if anyone used such offensive language against me in my own car then I would not let them in my car ever again.”
“And don’t cover for him, tell them straight he was using offensive homophobic words against you directly to your face, not ‘distracting you.'” ~ Red_Cathy
“Not sure if OP wants to know, but if she does, this is a good opportunity to find out just how OK her parents are with her being gay.”
“If this doesn’t prompt it, if this is OP’s first GF, bringing her around or seeing how they treat her and her GF and comparing it to her brother’s future GFs if he’s hetero.”
“Might tell her whether she wants to know or not.”
“People can say they support and are ok with certain things, and often times they really think they are.”
“But when it comes down to actually show any kind of effort with that support or that thing is undeniably in their face, and not just something you talk about, it turns out, they are not at all.”
“It might just be that they don’t realize what they are doing.”
“That they are typically non-confrontational or just lack any understanding on how bad this really is.”
“And this is part of the growing pains that comes with people that never had to think about any of this, or they are more bigoted than they themselves think they are.” ~ letstrythisagain30
“NTA OP.”
“But your neighbor and your parent’s are AH’s!”
“I’m sorry they are homophobic AH’s and that you have to deal with them.”
“Hopefully you can either go away to college next year or get a job and move out and not have to deal with them again.”
“If you do choose the college route, see about getting a job on campus at the library or computer lab next summer so you do not have to come back after your freshman year.”
“Either way, good luck and what you did was incredibly controlled and patient.”
“Those are qualities most of us aspire to have but never quite achieve.” ~ Acceptable_Day6086
“NTA. His behavior was distracting. And you were doing him a favor.”
“If you’d driven him home and talked to his parents later, you have no idea if there would have been any consequences for him.”
“This was immediate, appropriate, and proportional.”
“Your parents can always drive him, if they think it is appropriate for someone from your family to drive him after he’s used slurs against you.”
“And if you do have to drive him again, make it clear that if he acts inappropriately, you will immediately return him to the place you picked him up.”
“If taking him from school to home, he goes back to school, if from home to school, you take him home.”
“Even if you are right outside the destination.”
“So he can’t wait until you’re practically there to insult you, and get his ride because you’re ‘already there.'”
“The interruption at work will make the parents take this far more seriously than any talk from your parents might have.” ~ Jazzlike_Humor3340
That is a lot of emotion to unpack.
Reddit is definitely rallying for OP.
Hopefully, she and her parents can take this as a learning experience for the better.