It’s 2023 and many parents still have issues with their kid’s sexual orientation.
This can make things complicated during the holiday season.
The rest of the year people do a good job of skirting the issue because everyone isn’t always together.
But the holidays can stir tons of discomfort for all.
Case in point…
Redditor hunkin_honuts to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for taking my wife’s side?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“For short context, my wife and I (both 26 F[emale]) are lesbians living in a red state.”
“This incident happened last month and it’s still causing issues.”
“A couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, we got the news that several young nieces and nephews would be coming.”
“The last time my wife and I have seen any of them was when they were still in diapers, so we were excited to see them.”
“Fast forward to a couple of days before Thanksgiving, we get a call from my mother wanting to talk about Thanksgiving dinner.”
“She was telling us how she was planning on introducing my wife and me as friends”
“‘This is your aunt’s friend, [name].'”
“We both looked at each other in discomfort and I asked my mom why and she said, ‘Well because they’re still so young and they don’t need any confusion right now.'”
“I suggested that she could introduce us properly and if the kids questioned it, she could explain to them later or use the ‘I’ll tell you when you’re older’ thing.”
“My wife and I would’ve been completely fine with that.”
“But no, she didn’t want any middle ground in it, she was sticking to her guns (her actual words).”
“THEN she asked us what the big deal was and we told her that we were married, not just friends.”
“My wife added that introducing us as friends would be disrespectful to our marriage and to us.”
“We deserve to be recognized as a couple just like every other couple that was there.”
“We would have to interact with each other differently and act like we’re friends when we’re clearly much more than that.”
“And the fact that she was telling us that she was, in fact, doing it instead of asking us how we felt about it added to our discomfort.”
“This didn’t convince her, and she was still bent on ‘protecting’ the kids.”
“So my wife calmly said that if we can’t be treated equally, then we wouldn’t be coming.”
“I agreed to that and took my wife’s side.”
“None of this was said to my mother in a rude way.”
“This made my mother furious.”
“She ranted about how she bought enough food for everyone, including us, and how she was cooking our favorite sides.”
“I told her that it was all pointless if she was just going to drive an invisible wedge between us the whole time.”
“And that I was sorry, but I was taking my wife’s side on this.”
“Well… she hung up.”
“We had our own Thanksgiving with my wife’s family and a LOT of our friends.”
“But since then, my mother has not let it go.”
“Blowing up my phone constantly, guilting me, talking about how everyone asked where my wife and I were – to which she said that we bailed last second.”
“It is December now and she’ll mention it at least twice a day.”
“Now I’m starting to think that I was in the wrong and that I should’ve talked to my wife about it but I didn’t know what else to do.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“Absolutely NTA. It’s outlandish to try and cover up a same-sex relationship in 2023.”
“Kids are aware of understand gays more now than at any other time in recent history.”
“This info will not confuse them at all.”
“All my niblings from age 3-15 are aware of my daughter and her girlfriend and not even one of them has questioned what that means or has required more of an explanation.”
“Your family seems stuck in the past, and I’m not sure how you could pull them into the current times, aside from continuing to be your authentic selves.”
“Maybe show them the results of this post so they can see they’re the ones being silly here?”
“I’m sorry y’all have to go through this in this decade.”
“It’s so sad and diminishing.”
“Hope your family gets over themselves soon so y’all can get back to enjoying family gatherings.” ~ mostlyjustified
“Right… and it’s really not that hard to explain, ‘Well you know how a mommy and a daddy love each other and have a family?'”
“‘Well sometimes two mommies love each other and sometimes two daddies love each other.'”
“‘And they build their own family.'”
“‘Some families only have one kid, some have many.'”
‘”Some have pets. Some never have kids.'”
“‘All families are different and as long as they are filled with kindness and love then we should love them too.'”
“Pretty much how I explained it to my young kids.”
“My daughter’s response?”
“’The families with two daddies are lucky because no one has to be pregnant.'” ~ muheegahan
“She should know that you are okay with same-sex relationships well before she is ready to come out though (if she ever does).”
“I’m straight, but I knew neither of my parents would have cared at a young age.”
“Actually, I knew they strongly supported the right to be you.”
“I remember my mom telling me about a friend of hers who died of AIDS back when it was first acknowledged as a disease (thanks Reagan for denying that for so long).”
“She just told us kids that Eddie liked to have a good time, and wasn’t too particular which gender he had it with.”
“It wasn’t confusing at all.” ~ Shazam1269
“Commenting here because your daughter’s response is fantastic.”
“She is not wrong at all, lmao.”
“I just don’t think there should even be anything to explain!”
“They need to ask mom what exactly about their marriage the children need to be protected from, and really press her about it.”
“‘Well, they’ll just be so confused!'”
“‘We’re two people who loved each other enough to get married. What’s confusing about that?'”
“‘They have to be protected!'”
“‘Protected from what? What terrible thing do you think will happen if they see us as a married couple?'”
“And so on until mom just finally explodes into the full-blown homophobic tirade that she’s clearly been hiding for a while now.” ~ Humble_Plantain_5918
“The only ones who are ever actually uncomfortable about these things are the ADULTS.”
“Kids are not confused by the concept of love.”
“If anything, they are actually better equipped to understand it and be accepting of it.”
“The whole narrative of ‘But we don’t want to confuse the children,’ is absolute bull**it.”
“It’s an excuse to cover up an ADULT’S discomfort with the situation, and they are just using the kids as a scapegoat.”
“Either that or the parent is just too goddamn lazy.”
“’How will I ever explain this to my child?!?’”
“Easily. It’s easy to explain; you just can’t be bothered.” ~ tenakee_me
“NTA. Be proud of yourself for this one honestly.”
“You are a strong individual for standing up to your family.”
“It takes a lot to do.”
“Do not fault yourself like she wants you to for her mess up.”
“I grew up with same-sex couples at holidays and never once really questioned it and that was before it was viewed more openly; it’s very homophobic to ask you to hide it ‘for the kids.'”
“You did great, be proud!” ~ Satanistix
“Your mother is so homophobically wrong that I can’t even.”
“You were totally right. You are married. It is confusing to nobody.”
“It is merely that your mother is a homophobe and wants to make you play pretend so she could feel better about her bigotry.”
“Let me emphasize that you should not now or ever give in to her crap behavior.”
“You should tell her that unless and until she can not only accept you and your wife as a married couple but also treat you with respect as a couple, that you are no longer interested in hearing from her at all.”
“You have no time to waste on bigots. NTA.” ~ corgihuntress
“NTA. In my experience, kids just move on from it.”
“My son asked my friend why she married a girl instead of a boy, he was 4, and she said ‘Because I love her’ and he said, ‘Oh, okay,’ then walked away.”
“This was almost 20 years ago, and he never asked another question about it or when he met other same-sex married couples.” ~ MindingUrBusiness17
“Of course, you’re NTA.”
“This is about your mother’s homophobia.”
“Sorry, but she’s homophobic.”
“What a wonderful opportunity for your nieces and nephews to see a loving same-sex couple.”
“To humanize people in same-sex relationships.”
“To see first hand the love is no different.”
“How would that confuse children?”
“Wouldn’t that empower them?”
“Stick to your own guns.”
“Your relationship is valid until your mother is prepared to acknowledge that she doesn’t get to be blessed with your company.” ~ THROWRAhickory
“NTA. You did EXACTLY what a spouse is supposed to do.”
“Your mom is the problem.”
“It’s ok to let her know that in no uncertain terms.” ~ The_Bad_Agent
“This. All this. Your mother, I hate to say, is being outright homophobic.”
“Standing up to homophobia is never an a**hole move. NTA.” ~ Quasirandom1234
“NTA… good for you!”
“We see too many spouses on here who side with their toxic families.”
“You and your wife should stick to your guns.”
“Sounds like your family is homophobic and who wants to live that way.” ~ Inner-General5585
Well, OP, Reddit is with you and your wife.
You deserve to be able to live in your truth.
And kids deserve to see this truth.
Hopefully, things will be better by Christmas.
No matter what, keep sticking to your guns.
Happy Holidays.