There is no worse nightmare for some people than being late.
Indeed, the very thought of being late is enough to drive some people into a panic attack.
As such, when people who need to be prompt partner with someone who suffers from chronic lateness, problems are bound to arise.
This often leads the punctual half of that couple to take what some would consider drastic measures to ensure they arrive on time.
Redditor mybackishurtingme was almost always late for every event they attended with their girlfriend
Owing to certain things that were out of their girlfriend’s control, as well as some things she could have a better handle on.
Eventually, the original poster (OP) came up with a solution that guaranteed an early arrival.
When their girlfriend found out about this tactic, however, she was anything but appreciative.
Concerned they may have gone to far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for lying to my gf about the time we’re supposed to arrive for an event?”
The OP explained why they felt the need to resort to dishonesty with their girlfriend:
“My gf is really bad at being early or on time for things.”
“This usually causes us to be late for things, and we both hate being late, but she always repeats the same things that cause us to be late.”
“Here are the factors that lead to us being late:”
“She has IBS (This is something that is out of her control, but contributes to us being late.)”
“If she is too tired, she will insist on getting an hour of sleep in.”
“She putters around the house, watching TV shows on her phone while she tries to do other things.”
“She insists on breakfast and spends time cooking and eating (she never rushes for this).”
“She spends a long time trying to figure out what clothes she wants to wear (sometimes she will put on clothes, not like how she looks in them, and then goes to find other clothes to put on).”
“Spends a lot of time putting on makeup.”
“Needing to bring extra things like wipes, water, and sometimes extra clothes (if we are going to be out for a long time).”
“I’ve tried speaking to her about this before, and I’ve told her that she needs to focus on getting ready so we don’t end up running late.”
“Usually one of two things will happen.”
“She will either get mad at me for getting on her about being late (she will tell me that she actually is trying to hurry and I am not noticing) or she will be sad that she knows we are running late and tells me to go without her.”
“Yesterday we were going to a small event a friend of mine put on.”
“I told my gf we needed to be there for 12pm.”
“As expected, the above mentioned things happened and she kept asking me if I was mad at her because we were running late.”
“I told her it was okay but we really needed to go.”
“As expected she didn’t finish getting ready until 12:16pm.”
“She apologized for taking so long and asked me how long it would take us to get there, and she asked me if my friends would be mad at both of us.”
“I told her that it was okay because I lied, and the event didn’t really start at 12pm, and it actually started at 1:30pm.”
“She was livid and she told me that I was such a huge a**hole for lying to her and making her rush all that time.”
“I told her that this was good because now we were going to arrive early for something.”
“She told me that this wasn’t the point and focused on me lying to her.”
“Now idk if what I did was wrong or not.”
“She spent the whole day speaking to me as little as possible.”
“She doesn’t know how to drive, so if we can’t leave together, then she likely will just opt not to come.”
“She doesn’t have ADHD or ADD.”
“This is a very frequent problem for both of us.”
“We’ve been together for 4 years and I can probably count on my hand the number of things we’ve been early to.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for lying about the start time.
While just about everyone agreed the OP didn’t do anything wrong, as they succeeded in getting them to the event on time, many felt that they may have resorted to lying a bit too quickly, and should have found a way to get their girlfriend out the door on time without being dishonest:
“While I think you are NTA, because these always-late people mess it all up for the rest of us.”
“I think the better option is to say ‘We need to leave at 11am’.”
“And at 11:15 leave without her EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.”
“If she is pissed you left without her, tell her to start getting ready earlier.”
“That’s it.”
“My chronically late friend fixed herself when we stopped waiting or adjusting our lives for her.”
“She would show up an 1h20m late for dinner and we’d all be done eating and leaving the restaurant (instead of waiting at the bar).”
“She timed herself and realized it took her 2 hrs to get dressed and brush her hair, so she just started getting ready earlier, and now she’s actually beaten us to the restaurant.”
“She also realized that was a ridiculous amount of time to get ready for casual brunch and has made other changes as well.”- Firm_Cookie_8747
“NTA.”
“Just tell her the actual time, and if she’s not ready, go without her.”
“When people ask about why she didn’t come, tell them the truth.”- Lazuli_Rose
“NTA.”
“Your girlfriend does not value others’ time.”
“Most of the things can be controlled or worked on except the IBS.”
“She can always have a bag at the ready, pre-packed if you are going to be out for a long time.”
“No need to pack the day of.”
“Breakfast, she gets up with enough time to make it how she likes to with the time to get ready.”
“Pick out clothes to wear the night before.”
“From now on, you need to give her a time when you will be leaving.”
“If she is not ready, that is on her.”
“You will be leaving.”
“And leave.”- Worth-Season3645
“NTA.”
“She has demonstrated a steadfast refusal – not inability, mind you – to fix this, and you tried a new tactic that mitigated the issue.”
“It’s telling that she considers this AH-ish of you.”
“The ‘lie’ is inconsequential.”
“She’s been lying to you by pretending to be rushing while she slow-plays breakfast preparation, fails to plan in advance, and mindlessly does screens instead of actively getting ready.”
“So while this move didn’t make you an AH I don’t think it is sustainable for your relationship.”
“I think you might need to have a really serious, come-to-Jesus kinda conversation with her that this is not tolerable for you.”
“Maybe she needs to see an occupational therapist or someone else who can help with executive functioning and time management.”
“While I can believe she has genuine stress at being late, I think sometimes people fall into the trap of ‘If I feel bad about this, then it’s clearly accidental or that is my penance and I don’t have to fix anything’.”
“She may be letting her feelings of guilt be an ‘out’ for her actually fixing things.”
“But you don’t deserve to be constantly letting friends down, feeling rude, or otherwise missing out on social activities over this.”
“You may face real consequences too if you miss appointments due to this and stuff.”
“The ONLY other alt that I see is that you leave without her – is THAT what she wants?”
“This is unacceptable of your GF.”
“She NEEDS to fix it.”
“Does your GF manage to hold down a job or meet other expectations that relate to on-time arrival?”
“I’m curious if this plagues ALL aspects of her life or only certain things.”- owls_and_cardinals
“NTA.”
“I am so sick and tired of the complete rudeness and lack of consideration for anyone else with jerks who are incapable of being on time.”
“This is intentional behavior.”
“She wants to eat breakfast, she wakes up earlier, and stops d*cking around on her phone.”
“Her makeup takes a while — she starts getting dressed earlier.”
“She needs to being extra items — she prepares them in advance.”
“She will be sad that she knows we are running late and tells me to go without her.”
“Such narcissistic bullsh*t.”
“OP, this will be the entirety of your life.”
“She is not going to change because she really doesn’t give a crap.”
“Good luck to you.”- benji950
No one likes being lied to, making the reaction of the OP’s girlfriend somewhat understandable.
That being said, should she really have been so upset that the OP got her out the door for an early arrival?
Nor is it really accurate of her to accuse the OP of “rushing” her, as, based on the time they gave her, they were technically running late?
Sadly, it seems that there might not be an easy solution to this problem that will please everyone.
Unless the OP’s girlfriend weighs what feels worse: being lied to, or being left home alone.