It’s rare for someone to go through life without, at one point or another, working a job you don’t love… or even absolutely hate.
Even so, if we agreed to do a job, the only thing left is to do it.
On rare occasions, however, many people have found themselves in situations where they were told to do things that were not part of the job description.
Sometimes even resulting in their refusing to agree to it.
A recent Redditor was recently hired to photograph the groom and groomsmen at a wedding.
Things seemed to be going well until the groom asked the original poster (OP) to take a “special” photo of him and his groomsmen.
A photo the OP refused to take, finding it “tacky”.
Wondering if he was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to take a wedding photo?”
The OP explained why he put his foot down against taking one of the groom’s requested pictures:
“I (30 M[ale]) am a wedding photographer.”
“And a good one.”
“I was hired for last weekend to do a wedding.”
“It was a lavish one.”
“I was one of three photographers hired, and was told my main job was to photograph the groom (I think late 20s), his groomsmen, and the groom’s family.”
“They had two photographers to photograph the bride’s side.”
“Prior to agreeing to do the wedding, I always ask standard questions, such as what kind of special photos do you want.”
“The groom seemed low maintenance, said his family was small, but him and his groomsmen were all very close from their frat days and he wanted to take a lot of photos with them.”
“That seemed standard to me.”
“After we’ve done what I considered a lot, I asked if there was anything special they wanted before we wrapped up.”
“One of them brought up getting their ‘rush’ photo, and the groom immediately agreed.”
“To my surprise the groom and five of the groomsmen all started removing their pants, right their on the lawn of the venue.”
“I asked what was happening.”
“A groomsmen took out his phone and showed me a photo of them in college, during what looked like hazing, where they all had to a lap around their university in boxers.”
“Apparently, at all of their weddings, they like to recreate the photo by taking a picture of just their dress shirts, jackets, ties, and boxers/other underwear.”
“I immediately shut it down.”
“Not only is it tacky, but we were on the lawn.”
“Granted, the only people around were staff (this was hours before the wedding, before the bride and groom even got their first look), but I do a lot of work at this venue and wanted to keep a good relationship.”
“And lastly, I just felt uncomfortable.”
“If I were told this when I asked for special requests, I would’ve denied the wedding as I get enough work.”
“The groom looked kind of pissed off, and I ended up getting an email from him and the bride saying that while they were thankful for the rest of the pictures, they were disappointed their needs were not met.”
“AITA for refusing to take the photo?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no sympathy among the Reddit community, who largely agreed the OP was, indeed, the a**hole for refusing to take the photograph.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP should have done the job he was hired to do, and it wasn’t his place to tell a client, especially a groom, if one of their requested pictures was “tacky”:
“Yes, YTA.”
“Not your job to worry about if something is tacky.”
“And it’s not like they got naked.”- Economy-Emu-4689
“I thought you said you were a professional?”
“As a videographer, I can only think of a few instances where I would refuse to do a shot.”
“YTA.”- EntertainmentAny2212
“YTA.”
“They were in their boxers on private property.”
“Same covering as a swimsuit, actually more since they kept their shirts on.”
“It would have been all of 45 seconds to snap some pictures. loosen up.”- InstructionPlayful66
“From one photographer to another.”
“YTA and a bit of a snob.”- MackieStaggie
“You are a professional photographer hired to take photos at the wedding and you refused to take a photo of the groom and groomsmen (your job) b/c they were in their boxers reliving some college thing?”
“YTA and very unprofessional as a photographer.”- TheMonsterYouAdore
“YTA.”
“It’s boxers, they’re not naked.”
“And who gives a f*ck if you think it’s tacky?”
“It’s not your wedding.”- SinToWin147
“YTA – shoulda just taken their tacky picture, man.”
“Who gives a sh*t?”- ChiltonGains
“YTA.”
“This seems pretty harmless to me, especially since they are keeping their shirts on.”
“And let’s be honest, tons of traditional wedding stuff is tacky.”
“I’m sure the venue has seen a lot worse, and you could have always rolled your eyes with the staff there about how ridiculous it was if they said anything.”
“To try to forestall this happening again, you could define what you mean by ‘special photos’.”
“I’m not sure I would have realized that this photo was ‘special’, and since it seems that the other guys’ wedding photographers went along with it, I can see why they were surprised by your reticence.”- lisa_lionheart84
“YTA.”
“First, I’m going to bet that there’s no clause in your contract that says you get final say in whether a picture is tacky.”
“Second, this sounds incredibly tame.”
“Like, ‘you would see worse in the pool at any YMCA at 9:00 Sunday morning” tame. I legitimately have no idea why this is worth clutching pearls over.”
“If you don’t want to take pictures that might involve the equivalent of a swimsuit, put together a morality clause that says that all individuals in all photos must be covered from shoulder to ankles and have your clients sign it when they sign the contract.”- writinwater
“YTA, how is this a ‘special request’?”
“You are the photographer, it’s your job to take pictures.”
“Not judge them.”
“Especially since they were doing nothing wrong, nothing illegal.”
“Boxers are just shorts.”- Fun_Negotiation7663
“Fellow photographer here.”
“I’ve done a couple of dozen weddings and stopped because standing on my feet for 10+ hours wasn’t for me.”
“You state your primary concern was maintaining a good relationship with the venue.”
“I take that to mean that you didn’t want the wedding party’s behavior to reflect poorly on you as a professional.”
“You were concerned the venue would think it was your idea or you were somehow responsible.”
“That the venue would be upset about their facility being showcased as the backdrop to that kind of tacky behavior, is that right?”
“I feel like the situation wasn’t as extreme as you felt it was in the moment.”
“I understand you were caught off guard in the moment, but these guys weren’t full-on streaking.”
“They were still clothed without anything inappropriate showing.”
“It would have taken 3 minutes or less.”
“You probably had them standing around in their boxers longer discussing it with you than if you just went along with it.”
“Your response didn’t prevent them from taking their pants off.”
“You said they had already done it, and that is why you were so shocked.”
“The behavior had already happened, so you really didn’t prevent anything by saying no.”
“You could have protected the venue by taking the images in such a way as not to feature the venue recognizably in the background.”
“You could have had your back to the building so that only the grounds/driveway were visible.”
“You could have used a wide aperture to blur the background significantly.”
“Closeups.”
“You name it.”
“You could have reached out to the venue after the fact to explain the situation.”
“This would have given you a great opportunity to have a meeting with the Events Director or whoever.”
“They would have appreciated your concern and professionalism and would be more likely to recommend you in the future.”
“They work with dozens of photographers and probably meet very few of them.”
“Big missed opportunity.”
“A good event photographer plans as much as possible in advance because there are always surprises you can’t plan for.”
“Usually it’s an annoying relative trying to play Annie Leibovitz with their freaking phone while you’re trying to do portraits.”
“Regardless, you should be used to random requests and be able to adapt on the moment.”
“Knowing how to maneuver in the moment is crucial, like offering to take some photos for Lebovitz on their phone and then explaining you need the attention on you for the planned photos for the rest of the time.”
“It’s customer service, baby.”
“It’s what separates a good photographer from a great business person who generates strong word-of-mouth business.”
“My personal take is a soft YTA.”
“There was a way to handle the situation that kept your client happy while minimizing any fallout.”
“There’s also a small aspect of gender bias here.”
“It’s common practice for the bridal party to have photos taken in short robes, etc while they’re getting ready at the venue.”
“The bride is often photographed in her lingerie while she’s getting dressed.”
“It’s more elegant in nature than some dudes in their boxers on the front lawn, but it’s also far more intimate and often shows more skin than what you describe these guys did.”- Grrrrr_Arrrrrgh
There are certain situations in which the OP would have had every right to say no.
However, this is something that should have probably been discussed prior to the day of the wedding.
While the Groom could have told the OP ahead of time the pictures he wanted to take, the OP should have likewise made it clear what his boundaries were as well.
Regardless of what the photograph was, telling a client their idea was “tacky” was never going to be good for business.