Everyone has something about their behavior or personality which we don’t love, or wish was different, and gets embarrassed or angry when someone points it out.
These could include snorting when we laugh, eating with our mouth open, a way of talking others might find annoying.
But while some people are merely self conscious about it, others might be so embarrassed by the very notion of it, that they might flat out refuse to believe or accept that they do it.
The husband of Redditor Environmental_Ebb_81 went a step further, and tended not to believe anything the original poster told him.
Even when she had concrete proof.
But after being scolded by her husband for what he considered an invasion of privacy, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for recording my husband?”
The OP explained how her husband’s resistance, or refusal to believe almost anything she said resulted in her taking matters into her own hands, something her husband didn’t appreciate one bit.
“Background: My (32 F[emale]) have been married to my (36 M[ale]) husband for about a month and I moved to his country after the wedding and that’s where we now live.”
“The problem is that my husband never takes my word for it or believes me about anything unless he has solid proof.”
“For example, I am an English teacher and English is my first language, and his second.”
“He was writing a report the other day and asked me if the word ‘nil’ was spelt like ‘nill’ or with one ‘l’.”
“I spelt it correctly for him and he decided that he still needed to Google it to make sure that it’s correct.”
“He does this all the time, no matter what.’
“He’ll ask me something, only to then Google it or ask someone else.”
“The other day he went out to work and came home early.”
“Exhausted, he took a nap where he then snored loudly before stealing the blanket off the bed.”
“I was working next to him as he slept and had to get another blanket as it was cold.”
“I thought it was funny and told him when he woke up.”
“He didn’t believe about either thing and asked me for proof.”
“I told him I would record him so that he’d finally believe me when I spoke.”
“Every night he falls asleep before me so I’ve been recording him snoring.”
“This morning we got on to the topic of snoring and I told him that he was snoring last night but, again, he didn’t believe me.”
“So I told him I had proof this time.”
“He proceeded to get pissed off at me because I violated his privacy.”
“He also claimed how hurtful it was and how wrong I am, and how I need to see things from his perspective.”
“I explained to him why I recorded him, referring to our previous conversation, but he claimed to not recall that conversation at all.”
“We’re currently not speaking because of how much he blew up about this.”
“So am I wrong to record my husband?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for recording her husband while sleeping.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s husband had no right to be angry as he all but literally demanded proof that he did, in fact, snore, with a number of people even going so far as to say the OP’s husband was “gaslighting” her.
“NTA.”
“He can’t ask for proof and get offended when you show it.”- sherlocked27
“NTA.”
“He’s gaslighting you.”
“He can never be wrong, and the more wrong you are the better.”
“He asks you for spelling and then googles it so he can throw a wobbly if you give him the wrong spelling.”
‘He dared you to record him, thinking you wouldn’t, and then made you the villain when you proved yourself right.”
‘If he’s not violent your choice to stay.”
“But you will always lose arguments with him.”
‘The more right you are the more ‘violated’ he will feel.”- Irish_beast
“NTA this is called gaslighting, it’s a form of emotional abuse.”- TarantulaTornado
“Not me thinking if I get married in my thirties instead of now, I’d skip this petty sh*t.”-AwayAtFairyCircles
“NTA & OP, I would strongly suggest you reconsider the relationship.”
“He is already trying to assert his intellectual superiority over you by trying to prove you wrong in an area you are skilled in being an English teacher.”
“He is trying to break you down by making you question your sanity, it always starts small ‘no, I never said that, you must be imagining it’, but it becomes larger over time.”
“When caught out, he is deflecting the blame back onto you and punishing you to distract from the actual issue.”
“And now he is punishing you, silent treatment, so that you make the first move and apologize.”
“That gives him the power and control again.”
“Tread carefully OP, keep your eyes open, and your support network strong.”- floppybunny86
“NTA.”
“If you uploaded the recording to the Internet, then I could understand how that would be a violation of privacy, but you didn’t.”
“He clearly has some issues he needs to figure out.”
“He’s taking it too seriously.”- JukkiLine
“I mean, you did tell him you would record him next time.”
‘His behavior doesn’t seem very respectful to you and that should probably be addressed.”
“If it’s not something you feel comfortable doing then I’d suggest counseling to help have someone navigate the conversation in a healthy and meaningful way, where you’re thoughts and feelings are actually being heard by your husband so as he can work to be on the same page as you.”- catduck-meow
“NTA.”
“You are in an abusive relationship and this is going to keep happening until you lose confidence in yourself.”
‘He’s isolated you from you family and now he’s telling you you are wrong in everything you do.”
“He has no respect for you.”
“Please rethink this relationship.”- cassowary32
“Does he not believe only in what you say or does he shun anything any woman says?”
“Misogyny takes many forms.”
“He is also gaslighting you if he says he doesn’t remember things he said to you.”
“NTA, but not a great relationship.”- aatukaal_paaya
“At this point, I think you should begin to be aggressively concerned about him.”
“If your husband is to be believed, he’s forgetful to an extreme degree.”
“If we were to say for a moment that he’s not deliberately gaslighting you, then what he’s doing is called confabulation.”
“This is something that people do when they have something seriously wrong with them, medically speaking.”
“Like, a stroke or dementia.”
“Time to start telling him that he needs to go to the doctor to get his memory checked.”
“After all, those are the only two options.”
“Either he’s deliberately gaslighting you, or he’s very unwell.”- diagnosedwolf
“I dated a man like this.”
“He always needed proof to believe me but when I actually had it then it would be a big problem.”
“In one instance I was able to pull up a text he sent me to prove my point.”
“He claimed ‘I never said that’ and I was able to show that yes he did say that, multiple times.”
“And from then on he would only call me on the phone and not text me.”
“It was exhausting.’
“It was hard because the beginning of the relationship was so good, but in the end it was not worth it.”
“NTA, I recommend evaluating how much he does this to you and if it is worth it, it’s called gaslighting and it can be very damaging for years after the behavior stops.”- wawickedgaw
“NTA and the fact that he constantly invalidates what you say and tells you he did/didn’t do something when you know he did is feels a bit like gaslighting.”
“Does he support you in other ways?”
“Does he ever compliment you or express happiness that you are with him?”
“Does he ever tell you that you are smart or pretty or kind or anything nice?”
“There’s so many people who say ‘oh my partner is lovely except…'”
“But when you ask them the ‘lovely’ things that their partner does they can’t really list them.”-Phoenixinda
“Your husband is a gaslighting asshole NTA.”- SuddenWhole
“NTA He asked for proof.”
“You provided proof.”
“He sounds insufferable.”
“Why exactly did you want to marry him?”- puppyfarts99
One can only hope that the OP’s husband has a short term memory, and actually didn’t remember demanding proof, and wasn’t trying to belittle her.
But even so, his adamant refusal to believe anything his wife says is cause for concern, no matter the subject.
If he wants his marriage to survive, one only hopes he might at least consider what his wife is saying might be true, sooner rather than later.