Some people take the expression "make yourself at home" a bit too literally.
While anyone hosting a guest would certainly want them to feel welcome in their home, that doesn't always give them free rein to everything they have.
Even the most giving and generous hosts expect to be asked permission for certain things.
An issue that can become even more delicate in cases of shared living quarters. The girlfriend of Redditor
hunteryumi's roommate was becoming a more and more frequent visitor to their apartment.
Something the original poster (OP) initially didn't mind.
At least until he discovered that his roommate's girlfriend was indulging in things that belonged to him without his permission.
Having finally had enough, the OP felt no other option but to confront his roommate, and offer him an ultimatum.
After being met with blowback from his roommate, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my roommate his girlfriend can’t stay over every weekend after she ate all my food—again?"
The OP explained why he felt the need to confront his roommate about his girlfriend's regular visits:"So, I own my apartment and rent out the second room to a buddy of mine." "Everything was cool at first, but lately, his girlfriend has been staying over every weekend." "I wouldn’t mind so much if it wasn’t for the fact that every time she’s here, she helps herself to my stuff—mainly my food." "I meal prep for the week, and I buy my own groceries." "It’s not like I don’t share sometimes, but I’ve noticed that after every weekend she’s here, a bunch of my food is gone." "Snacks, leftovers, even stuff like my eggs and bread—just gone." "I’ve tried hinting at it, like casually mentioning how much food I go through, but it keeps happening." "Last weekend, I had a really long week at work, so I treated myself to some nice takeout and planned to save half of it for lunch the next day." "The next morning, I open the fridge, and it’s gone. I texted my roommate, and he said, 'Oh, my girlfriend was hungry, so she ate it'." "'Sorry, man'.” "That was the last straw." "I told him we needed to talk and said that while I’m okay with her visiting sometimes, she can’t keep staying over every weekend and eating my food." "I told him it’s not fair, especially since she’s not contributing to groceries or utilities." "He got defensive, saying that since he pays rent, she should be able to stay over whenever, and I’m making a big deal out of 'just a few snacks'.” "I stood my ground and told him she needs to stop coming over so often unless they start buying their own food and being more considerate." 'Now, he’s pissed at me, and I’m getting the cold shoulder.""AITA for putting my foot down after his girlfriend kept eating all my food?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community firmly took the OP's side and agreed he was not the a**hole for putting his roommate in his place.
Everyone agreed that this was definitely NOT simply an issue of "just a few snacks" but rather the OP's roommate's girlfriend taking the OP's property. Many pointed out that the OP's roommate was, in fact, his tenant and should have thought a bit more carefully about talking back to the OP in the manner that he did."NTA." "But dude, don’t hint.""Hinting often fails, and then everyone ends up irritated because you hold it in until you snap, and the other person may not understand you have a problem until you’re well and truly mad at them, so they feel like you went 0 to 60 in a heartbeat.""Clear, assertive communication is a far better way to go about things, especially with a roommate."- KaliTheBlaze
"NTA." "Its your food but at the same time instead of 'hinting' about your missing food I think you should've straight-up told her that you'd appreciate it if she stopped helping herself to something thats yours." "If she continues to do it after that then it becomes a problem."- Gloomy-Adeptness7553
"NTA." "Your friend is pissed because his girlfriend can only stay at your apartment if she doesn't steal and if she'll start being considerate." "How on earth would that be a unreasonable request?"- piqueboo369
"NTA." "Yes, he pays rent." "Rent does not include him inviting people over to help themselves to food he has not paid for and is not included in the rent." "Instead of him saying sorry and that he will make sure it doesn't happen again, he doubled down." "Personally, I would start looking at not renewing his lease or giving him a time to move out and making sure it happens." "I say this because he has just shown you he cares not that his gf is costing you money and time." "That she is making you go hungry because she wants free food." "Also, why is he not staying at her place as well." "Sounds like in the future sooner than later, he would have just over her in." "Also, he is paying rent for himself." "What about the increase in her staying as often as she does." "In water and electricity." "While it might not be a lot in some places, it can be hundreds more depending on what she is using and doing."- tiny-pest
"NTA." "The audacity of going into someone's home and just.....eating any and all of their food." "I have to wonder if it's the gf who's idea this was and/or if your roommate is all 'anything in the fridge you want, babe', and she takes him at his word." "Just based on the fact that I've dated a number of guys who basically barely had any snacks around and seem shocked when I'd be hungry at random times." "If they lived with roommates never ever did I assume I was just free to take any food that I saw." "Maybe it's the audacity of the gf or maybe it's your roommate who needs to actually plan to provide food to his girlfriend and have the balls to clarify what she can or cannot it." "A pro tip for him would be to have the kind of food she likes around."- fallingintopolkadots
"NTA." "If they can’t respect your stuff I would tell him to find somewhere else to live honestly, you’re not running a bed and breakfast."- mrmkv1990
"Absolutely NTA!" "I’ve had sh*t roommates that steal mine or others food and would then outright lie even when we had proof." "But these were random people we didn’t know beforehand." "I wouldn’t be surprised if the gf is being told the food is either the friends or communal." "Next time they’re both there, sit them down and have a proper conversation with both of them." "Say you had no problem with the gf staying over until she started stealing from you." "And now you’re reevaluating." "If they’re going to continue to steal your food, then charge them more rent to compensate." "I’m also of the opinion that if a partner is essentially living there, they need to pay as well." "And it’s one thing to use like a couple of slices from a loaf and 1-2 eggs out of a dozen but to actually take what is already an entire meal." "That’s plain messed up.""They’re taking your money, time, and energy, and that’s not right.""I hope all goes well, it would be a shame to lose a mate but if he shows his true colors at least you know where you stand (and can start looking for a roommate that won’t cross boundaries)." "Good luck to ya!"- PurelyPanic14
"NTA, his argument is flawed." "If he’s paying rent, he can pay for groceries to feed his girlfriend or recompense OP for the money spent on what his girlfriend eats." "His guest, his responsibility to make it right one way or the other."- lemon_charlie
"NTA." "He might pay rent to you, but that rent doesn't mean he's entitled to unilaterally make your two-person flat share agreement into a three-person living arrangement, and the utility costs he pays don't cover partaking in your food." "Even if it were 'just a few snacks' she's eating (which it isn't!), your roommate needs to stop letting his girlfriend steal your food." "Making sure they have enough food is their responsibility not yours." "Honestly, I'd also be questioning if it is just her eating it, or if they're both eating your food when she's over at your place." "Ultimately, this is a roommate problem, not a girlfriend one." "He thinks using your stuff is acceptable." "It's not." "Getting enough food for him and his girlfriend to eat is his problem to manage, as is making sure his girlfriend knows which food in the fridge/cupboards is his and sticks to using that alone - and if he refuses to do that and continues to take you/your resources for granted, then he's a sh*itty roommate who needs to find another place to live." "And if you choose to rent the room to another person, make sure there are some reasonable limits on guest stays in your contract."- Normal-Height-8577
The OP's roommate might want to look over his lease one more time or possibly even remind himself what "rent" means.
Rent usually covers lodging only, not utilities, cable, or food.
He should also consider himself lucky to have a landlord as flexible as the OP. Many other landlords who caught wind of such a regular guest, like the OP's girlfriend, might very well have increased his rent by now.
