The hardest thing about being a parent is knowing that everyone has an opinion on how you’re doing it.
Nothing can be more infuriating or humiliating than a fellow parent raising eyebrows at what you allow your child to eat, watch or play.
Perhaps the only thing that could possibly be more irritating is when someone expresses an opinion of your parenting who isn’t a parent themselves.
Redditor Zestyclose-Salad-252 was surprised to hear about the way his younger sister handled some rivalry issues between her two daughters.
So much so that the original poster (OP) wasn’t afraid to share his unbridled opinion on her decision.
The OP’s sister was anything but understanding at receiving this feedback, particularly owing to the fact that the OP isn’t a parent himself.
Wondering if he was shoving his nose in where it didn’t belong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my sister she was lazy for banning playdates?”
The OP explained why he felt he couldn’t remain quiet after hearing one of his younger sister’s parenting decisions:
“I (40 M[ale]) was on the phone with my sister (35 F[emale]).”
“I’m childfree by choice she had two daughters (12 F and 4 F).”
“She was venting to me about how playdates were getting to be a ‘pain in the a**’ because 4 year old wants ‘in’ on big sisters playdates, and she can’t stand the ‘whining and crying’ that ensues when 4 year old doesn’t get to ‘play’ with them.”
“Obviously big sister understandably wants time alone with her friends, my sister thinks her older daughter and her friends getting a ‘break during little sisters nap time’ is enough and she should let her play with them the rest of the time, because she feels she ‘shouldn’t have to referee’.”
“She told me she informed her eldest that playdates are banned until she and her sister can ‘work it out’ because she’s ‘sick of the fighting’ and ‘she’s older and shouldn’t be arguing with a 4 year old’.”
“I told her this ‘solution’ is leaving her at the mercy of a 4 year old, because a 4 year old can’t ‘reason’ and is unable to see past their own wants, so 12 yr old solution is to give little sister her way or not see her friends and that’s bull crap and I told her so.”
“I said “a playdate is supposed to be an experience for your child, not a break for the parent.”
“And called her lazy and that it’s her job as the parent to teach her 4 year old boundaries, not her 12 year olds to ‘work it out’.”
“She said I don’t know what I’m talking about because ‘I’m not a parent’ and I shouldn’t ‘judge’ her.”
“Is there something I’m missing here?”
“I know she’s overwhelmed but I feel this is more her job than her 12 year olds.”
“AITA because I’m a clueless CF man?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for calling his sister lazy.
Everyone agreed that the OP was correct in pointing out to his sister that she was only thinking of herself, and did not come up with a solution that helped either of her daughters, and she needed to hear it.
“NTA.”
“In no world ever should a 12-year-old have to accommodate a 4-year-old when they want to hang out with their friends.”
“Calling it a play date at 12 is also very strange to me.”
“I am a mother of 6 kids, I never expected my older kids to stop their life to deal with the younger kids.”- No_Mathematician2482
“NTA.”
“It’s not a 12 yo responsibility to entertain her 4 yo sister because their mother is too damn lazy to parent.”
“No 12 yo wants to force their friends to hang out with a preschooler.”
“This is all common sense and doesn’t require you to be a parent to understand.”
“You were 12 at one point, too, and probably know you wouldn’t want to have to include a preschooler when hanging with your friends.”
“There are a lot of situations that don’t require you to be a parent to see through the bs, and this is one of them.”- tiredandbored37
“Imagine telling a group of 12 year old girls that they have to play with a 4 year old.”
“As if the play style and conversation of 12 year olds is the same as a 4 year old.”
“These girls are not the babysitter.”
“That mom is out of line.”
“NTA.”- LittleBillyBumbler
“NTA.”
“I don’t suppose it has occurred to your child-rearing genius of a sister to arrange some playdates for the 4yo with (pause for dramatic effect) other 4 year olds?”- VT_Maid
“NTA.”
“Mom needs to teach the 4yo that you can’t always get what you want.”
“This so-called ‘solution’ is making her eldest a hostage to the whims of a toddler.”
“The 12yo shouldn’t have to spend all her time entertaining the little one.”
“That’s mom’s job – you make the kid, you get to raise the kid.”
“Fobbing her off on her sibling is unfair.”
“My brother and I grew up playing closely with each other, but we were only a year and 3 months apart; an 8-year gap means that these two siblings have very little in common.”- Ashkendor
“NTA.”
“My kids have a 9 year age gap and never in a million years could I imagine letting the little one steam roll the older one like that.”- Harleen__Quinzel
“NTA.”
“No 12 y o would like to constantly have to be attached to a 4y o, because her mother cannot be bothered to properly parent her child.”
“How you can leave a 4y old ‘dictate’ family dynamics.”
“What your sister will do is just make her older daughter resent, having to spend time with her sister at a later stage of their lives.”
“Indeed your sister sounds lazy in her parenting of your younger niece and unjustifiably punishing the oldest.”- b*tchyb*tch1809
“NTA.”
“I’m a mom of age-gap kids (six years in between, now adults).”
“Tell your sister from me that it’s not reasonable for a 12-year-old to be expected to integrate a 4-year-old into her play dates, and it’s the mom’s and dad’s job to provide appropriate social stimulation for all of their kids and not make it the job of the older child or children.”-Regular_Boot_3540
“NTA.”
“I’m a parent and I can assure you – big sister will hate small sister.”- HypersomnicHysteric
“NTA.”
“Child free boomer woman.”
“Your sister is being ridiculous and is on the road to alienating the older kid.”- Specific_Anxiety_343
“NTA.”
“I’m child-free, married 29 F.”
“It’s lazy and inconsiderate for the Mom to ban play dates for Big Sis because she can’t handle Little Sis during them.”
“Little sis needs to learn boundaries.”- HughThirdofFive
“NTA You nailed her for what she is, lazy.”
“If she brings up the topic again, then tell her from an adult perspective you would understand completely if the 12 yr old went low contact at 18 because the 4 year old never learned boundaries, and she made it the oldest sister’s problem.”- MotherBike
“NTA all the way.”
“Don’t listen to all of the people out there giving you sh*t, thank you for standing up for your niece.”
“She clearly doesn’t have a voice with her mom.”
“There were many times my mom was out of line and overly bearing like this in weird ways and I had friends moms come to my rescue (my mom was a teen mom with an overbearing mom herself).”- nakedpagan666
“NTA I was at the mercy of my younger brother and 2 baby cousins, all together.”
“I had to have them be with me, with friends (I’m 5 years older than them).”
“It was horrible.”
“My fam was just lazy as f**k, did not to consider my life.”
“Still don’t, they still want me to accommodate to their a**es naaaahhhh.”- Lasleepygirl7
“NTA.”
“She’s just teaching her 4 year old that screaming and crying will get her whatever she wants.”
“It’s going to make the older one resent the younger one and damage any relationship.”-anniee_cresta
“NTA.”
“You are correct. Your sister has taken the laziest road available to her.”
“She’s setting them up to become enemies, especially if she permits the 4y playdates while banning her 12y from time with friends.”- IamnotaCST
As stated above, there is nothing worse than others chiming in on your parenting choices.
Even so, one doesn’t need children of their own to know that giving a four-year-old girl their way isn’t going to do anyone any favors.
Or to leave a 12-year-old girl to solve problems their parents should be addressing.
Considering that the OP and his sister might not have the closest of relationships, perhaps it would benefit the OP’s sister to think of how her parents handled any moments of rivalry they had.
Or how she would have felt if her older brother was the one who had to solve all their problems.