Blended families can make for a rather tricky dynamic.
Ideally, step-children and step-parents will welcome and be welcomed into their new families, and eventually feel like blood relations.
But sadly, that isn’t always. the case.
Redditor FredWalker37 thought that his new wife and step-daughter had acclimated themselves well into his home with his son.
Until he came home to discover a shocking encounter between his wife and son, resulting in his calling off his planned mother’s day celebration.
Worried that he might have overreacted, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for cancelling mother’s day celebration that I arranged for my wife after hearing what she told my son?”
The OP shared that adjustments needed to be made when his wife and step-daughter initially moved into his home, but it seemed like everyone was heading down the right path.
“I (37 M[ale[) have a 13 year-old (YO) son.”
“I was a widower when I met my now wife.”
“She has a 16 YO daughter from another relationship.”
“The family is often on pretty good terms.”
“My son is the quiet one in the house, he keeps to himself a lot but not to the point of being concerning.”
“My wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposite.”
‘They both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family.”
“My son complained about having to be forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated.”
“I spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked them to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted.”
‘they apologized and promised to let him be.”
So appreciative was the OP towards his wife, that he planned to throw her a big mother’s day celebration, but he quickly called it off after over-hearing a shocking conversation between his wife and son.
“As mother’s day was approaching I wanted to throw my wife a surprise mother’s day celebration.”
“It was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads so she could prepare.”
“Yesterday I got off work earlier than usual to get final arrangements done .
“We planned to celebrate at the restaurant and invited her family there.”
“I had the key and while I was entering the house through the front door I overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son.”
“My wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with them to the restaurant to celebrate.”
“I paused and decided to keep listening.”
“My son said why and she told him that his introverted and socially inept ‘attitude’ will make her family uncomfortable and will ruin the mood.”
“He promised her that he’d be well behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone but she said that she wasn’t buying it.”
“He kept reassuring her but she snapped and told him that technically, she’s not his mom so she didn’t get why he wanted to celebrate mother’s day with her so badly.”
“My stepdaughter threw some, I don’t remember, backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there.”
“Both were staring without saying anything.”
“I told my son and his stepsister to go to their rooms then told my wife that the celebration was off, cancelled.’
“She tried to argue asking why repeatedly and I told her why.”
“She tried to explain that she didn’t mean it like that and that I only heard part of the conversation but not all of it.”
“I told her I was done arguing and the decision was already made.”
“She yelled asking what she was going to tell her family and said that I was making tremendous mistake towards her.”
“I ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after a tantrum.”
“Early this morning she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks.”
“Not a single call or text from her so far.”
“Situation is full of tension.”
“I’m upset still but more hurt to be honest.”
“I mean yes I did say I was going to have this celebration, but I thought that what she said to my son was too harsh to ignore.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP did exactly the right thing by calling off the party, and was in no way the a**hole for doing so.
Everyone was shocked by the behavior of the OP’s wife, with many wondering if this was the first time she had spoken to his son in that manner and that the OP should seriously think about staying in this marriage.
“But have you talked with your son?”
“This can’t be the first time they’ve ganged up on him.”
“I would be concerned that he’s being bullied by them when you’re not around.”- Respoken_text.
“Your poor son.”
“Please tell me you went to talk to him after this.”
“Your wife wants your son left out.”
“I’d be having a serious conversation about that.”
“If she doesn’t drop it, if she doesn’t start treating your son as a part of the family, I hate to say this, but divorce her, because no woman is worth losing your child over.”
“You’re a dual package.’
“Her excuse about him being an introvert was sh*t.”
“No way in hell he’d ruin a dinner by being polite and keeping to himself.”
‘She just wanted him out of there.’
‘Please be there for your son.’
‘She poked a bad wound with her comments.”
“Being reminded you don’t have a mother to celebrate on this day is terrible.”- Ascended-General.
“She showed you who she was.”
“Let her STAY gone.”- ComprehensiveSir3892.
“I’m so proud of you for standing up for your son.”
“My gosh, there are so many who wouldn’t.”
“Kudos, good sir.”
“You’re restoring a little bit of faith in humanity for me.”
“Your wife and step-daughter have done this to him before, I’m sure of it.’
‘I’ll bet if you ask him enough times, because he won’t want to rock the boat and he thinks it’s all his fault right now, he’ll finally open up and let you know what’s really happened.”
“Now, then, whenever, let him know this isn’t his fault.”
“Because of that and her temper tantrums, are you f’n kidding me right now?!, she can go screw herself.”
“Get ready for the possibility of divorce.”
“Sorry, but keep it in the back of your mind just in case.”
‘I don’t like bullies who keep their actions secret and that’s what she and her daughter, not yours, never yours if she can do this to her ‘brother’ are doing to your son.”
“That poor kid’s been through enough.”
“Time to do right by him and you.”
“I hope things get better for you and him.”- Autobot032.
“Cancel a party?!”
“Hell I would leave her for talking to my child that way.”
“What is wrong with that woman?”-JudgyUnicorn.
“Guarantee they have done this before.”
“Circle the wagons, protect your son.”
‘Such disgusting abuse from your wife upon your son.”
‘To make it even worse, she is raising her daughter to be cruel and exclusionary.”
“Your son deserves so much better.”- No-Royal6008.
“Your wife and step daughter on the other hand.”-Sofsta.
“Oh my God.”
“OP, it’s highly unlikely this is the first time either of them has been nasty to him.”
“You are ALL HE HAS in this world.”
“Please hire a really good shark of a divorce lawyer and divorce this woman ASAP.”
“You need to protect your son and yourself.”
“Change the locks and text her to tell her to stay with her parents.”- Izzy4162305.
“Imagine all the bad stuff she says to your son when you are not around.”
“This can’t be the first time she’s done this.”
“I would have a serious talk with your son about this.”
“He needs to report to you whenever step mom or sister are abusing.”
“They’ve created a toxic home environment for your son.”
“No wonder he wants his privacy.”- jimmap.
“NTA – and honestly, props to you for standing by your son and understanding that not everyone can be outgoing.”
“I hope he feels better soon.”
“That was not ok of them AT ALL.”-Quick-Permission1039.
“This is heartbreaking.”
“‘They’ve been bullying him, undermining his confidence and security, in full knowledge that it’s wrong – as they proved once they realized you heard them.”
“I dread to think how long they’ve been destroying his self worth.”
“It hurts my heart.”
“I’m sure it devastated you.”
“Please, talk to him and find out what’s been happening.”
“Of course you couldn’t carry on with a Mothers Day celebration when she refused to act as a mother towards your son.”
Hopefully spending time away at her parents will give the OP’s wife the time she needs to reflect on the way she treated his son.
Whether or not the OP is willing to forgive her, though, is another story entirely.