Clothes are about looking good, but mainly about feeling like yourself. That doesn’t mean that you should ignore dress codes.
There is a way to understand how to dress up or dress down while still feeling like your most authentic self.
Redditor YusoYuso encountered this very issue with his wife. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for not dressing up for my wife’s work event?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m 27, she’s about to be 25, we’ve been married 2 years.”
“Her company had this work event, it was like a high class happy hour, meet new hires, mingle with bosses, bring boyfriends, husbands, girlfriends, wives, the whole thing.”
“The main issue is that I showed up in a t shirt (blank t-shirt), jeans, a quarter zip sweater (a pricey one btw), and Kobe Nikes (not dirty), while everyone else was dressed up.”
“My wife was very upset that I chose to ‘dress like a college kid’ to her company event. She actually pulled me off to the side during this event and lectured me about my attire.”
OP doesn’t like dressing up in general.
“Maybe it’s worth mentioning maybe not, but in the mid-sized town I grew up in my folks were pretty prominent figures and for me that meant a lot of dressing up as a kid, which I hated and I guess subconsciously I vowed to avoid dressing up as much as I could when I grew up.”
“Luckily, the company I work for is big into WFH, and when we do meet up, it’s t-shirt and jeans.”
“My wife feels that I embarrassed her in front of her co-workers and now feels as if she has a ‘man-child’ husband. AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was the a**hole.
“YTA. You knew what appropriate dress was for this function.”
“You made yourself look like an ignorant buffoon for not dressing correctly for the event and were not a good reflection on your wife.”
“Was your intent to sabotage her at her job?”
“Sheesh.” ~ QuinGood
“And he didn’t like dressing up when he was ten and vowed he would never dress up again…Problem is, nobody told him that kids grow up and realize it’s tough, you have to dress up sometimes.” ~ Dashcamkitty
“The intent must have been sabotage otherwise he could have just not gone. He also seems to have blindsided his wife. Funny that he says he did it to rebel against his parents then is surprised to be called a man-child.”
“Edit: a word” ~ _ohgnome_
“I’m betting it was. Just reading this cringey bullshit I get the distinct impression that his wife’s success is intimidating to him, so this was a way of sticking it to her.” ~ iamthenightrn
“YTA Sounds like you knew the dress code & chose to do your own thing which was not cool since it was your wife’s company event. You disrespected her & reflected poorly on her. You have no excuse, and you know you were out of line.” ~ pineboxwaiting
“YTA. You couldn’t do this one thing to support your wife. Do you know how uncomfortable women’s ‘dress up’ clothes are?”
“Grow up, she shouldn’t have to suffer for your trauma.” ~ SomuchforsubtletyII
OP should know that grownups need to dress up sometimes because that’s adulthood.
“YTA. It was a work event, you knew there was an expectation to dress up for ‘high class happy hour’ and you chose not to.”
“This gives people a bad impression of your wife (was she not organized enough to give you notice, did she wait til the last minute, did she not care) – they judge her by extension. “I dressed up a lot as a child” is not any kind of excuse.” ~ SverdarLeviosa
“YTA so now your wife knows how little you respect or support her career. Don’t expect anymore invitations to her work events. I’m sure she’ll have a much better time without and perhaps meet someone who she can trust to support her.” ~ Cultural_Industry429
“You know what always bugs the hell out of me? When I see a woman out on a date who’s done up, put in all sorts of effort to make herself look her best (whether for her or her date), and the guy’s wearing a t-shirt like he just couldn’t be bothered.”
“Yeah, fine, there’s an element of ‘cool’ in not trying too hard, but in this scenario, how you dress shows, at least somewhat, how invested you are in being a partner. It’s a casual sign of disrespect to dress down to her work function, and reading your responses your glibness and constant reference to your own work not being that way shows you don’t think of much outside of yourself.”
“The only point I’ll grant you is that you should be judged on how you act, how you carry yourself, more so than what you wear; but that’s not her call, and it certainly isn’t yours.”
“Everything else is excuses. No one cares how prominent your family was in your hometown, and trust me, only you and the handful of sneaker nerds you know are impressed by how much money Nike charges for those shoes. You, however unintentionally, forgot one of the steps of making a good first impression, and it’s reflecting on her that she brought along the guy who couldn’t dress to respect her workplace.”
“There’s no shortcut to forgiveness here, you get to pay your dues until she decides she’s forgiven you. And next time, just dress up a bit, or accept that you aren’t going to be invited and it’s your fault.” ~ IUsedTheRandomizer
“YTA- Honestly you could have just switched the sweater and t shirt for a button up and been good, still relatively comfortable. I doubt you needed a suit for this event.”
“Husband and I trade off work events all the time. My first question is always leggings, skirt, or dress? So I can dress appropriately, and his is t-shirt, button up, or dress pants?”
“Seems like you chose not to ask so you could be ignorant.” ~ new_moon_witch
You should just follow the event’s dress code.