We are compelled to be hospitable whenever we have guests in our homes.
Whether or not these guests were expected or not.
For even if people do show up to your home unannounced, they likely came to us for words of comfort, or to combat loneliness.
That being said, anyone who does show up unannounced should have fairly low expectations as to what they’ll be treated to.
Redditor akhgar was more than happy to host their cousin and his two sons for a weekend visit.
But when the cousin made a request to be waiting for them upon their arrival, the original poster (OP) was anything but willing to oblige.
After being called “inhospitable” by their mother, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my cousin to get his children some burgers before coming to my home?”
The OP explained how the timing of their cousin’s upcoming visit for the weekend caused some problems for everyone’s eating schedules.
“My cousin (44 M[ale]) and his two sons (12 M and 8 M) came to us last week for the weekend as we live 200km apart.”
“At around 5PM he called me and said he will come in 30 minutes.”
“He also asked if I had any food as his children haven’t eaten lunch yet.”
“I told him we eat dinner at 8 and they should wait until then if they can.”
“He again asked like if I have some eggs or sausages that I can cook for his children.”
“I told him if his children are hungry, he should feed them something and suggested a burger joint nearby.”
“His children were too hungry so he had to buy them some burgers.”
“Now my mom says I was a bit a-hole and inhospitable as I could have prepared something for his children.”
“My cousin started his travel at around 2, so I assumed he had fed his children.”
“So I decided to rest before he came to my home.”
“I offered some light snacks like chips or biscuits, but his children wanted a full meal.”
“Eating dinner at 9-8 pm is the usual norm in my culture.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, for the most part, they agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not fixing their cousin’s sons a late lunch and suggesting they grab burgers instead.
Most agreed that the OP had no obligation to cook their cousin’s children a meal and found the OP’s cousin was being irresponsible for not feeding his children earlier. Many found 5 pm much too late an hour to have lunch, and at the very least should have packed snacks.
“NTA who the hell waits until 5 to get their kids lunch!”
“That’s the start of dinner time for us!”- LizzieBunny95
“So, he decided *not* to feed his children and somehow you’re the a-hole for not jumping up and cooking a whole meal for the children?”
“While it’s courteous as a host(ess) to offer refreshments (drinks and hors d’oeuvres) to your guest upon arrival, it still remains the obligation of the parent to adequately feed their children.”
“What kind of monster doesn’t feed their children lunch?”- nikkesen
“He needs to feed his kids. Your mom ought to be reaming him a new one for failing to give them lunch.”- JsCTmav
“By 5pm those kids should have had both breakfast and lunch.”
“He should also have prepared snacks for the journey.”
“Expecting you to cook in addition to your planned dinner is just rude.”
“You could have offered a sandwich or fruit to tide them over, but this wasn’t your responsibility.”-walnutwithteeth
“If the kids were already hungry, him waiting an extra 30 minutes to get them to your house is torturous lol.”
“He should’ve gotten food on the way there, so it can tie them over until 8 PM.”
“Are you something wrong with that.”
“Tell your mom to mind her business, or she can cook them food FROM HER HOUSE next time.”-AC_NLGirl
“200 km is 125 miles.”
“That’s a three-hour drive approximately.”
“If he got there at 5:30 pm, they left at 2:30ish.”
“Why didn’t he feed his children before he left?”
“They weren’t at your house, so I don’t think host rules kick in yet.”
“Who takes their kids on a 3-hour road trip with no snacks?”
“Whenever we travel, we bring snacks and drinks.”
“Heck we bring a water bottle anytime we go anywhere in the car.”
“NTA OP, he should’ve stopped midway to get the kids something to eat and not let them go hungry for hours.”- Euphoric_Egg_4198
“OP offered snacks but wasn’t going to cook a special meal before dinner.”
“If OP had refused any food before dinner, maybe ESH.”
“But this cousin invited themselves with a day’s notice and demanded a cooked meal at a snack time.”
“NTA by like a lot.”- PhaedraGraciela
“It’s 5 at NIGHT and his kids hadn’t eaten lunch yet?!”
“Sounds like he wants someone else to care for his kids.”- Chefunicorn
“Damn some people are so entitled!”
“I feel like men expect a lot of help when they have their kids around.”
“No bro, those are your kids and your responsibility!”
“No one is going to save you.”
“You did the right thing in my opinion!”- vibewithmommy
“The cousin left at 2 pm.”
“The kids should have eaten lunch by then.”
“OP is NTA but the cousin is TA for not feeding HIS kids lunch.”- Known-Fly6490
“Absolutely reasonable, NTA.”- DeanXeL
“NTA unless you are coming over for dinner(breakfast, lunch what ever).”
“At dinner, then you come with a full’ish belly, you do not come with the expectation that your host will cater to you or your needs.”- nejnoneinniet
“You were having guests over who traveled a long distance to see you.”
“You should have offered them some food.”
“By 5pm though, those kids should have already had lunch.”- jrm1102
“He’s looking for someone to feed his kids for free.”
“I mean no parent would let their kids go hungry like that, can’t he at least pack snacks?”
“Either he’s taking advantage of you, or maybe he can’t afford to feed his kids.”
“You need to find out which one.”- ChangePurple2401
“You’re their host, not their parent.”
“Their parent must see to their needs.”
“If they go to school without breakfast, does their father demand that the school make his kids something sooner than scheduled lunch?”- HowCanThisBeMyGenX
There were others, however, who felt that the OP could have been the bigger person and stepped up to the plate and prepared something for the kids.
“Reading all these responses is wild to me.”
“Maybe it’s a cultural thing but if my cousin visited with kids and asked this of me I would obviously give them food.”
“I mean, they’re kids.”
“Suggesting to a guest that they can just eat outside would basically be like spitting in their face.”
“Sooo I guess I’m the only one here but I think YTA.”- Responsible-Ad73
“This makes me wonder about why can’t people just understand manners are nice, it isn’t all about ‘not my responsibility’. This is about having great relationships.”
“Just a reminder that there are always consequences.”
“We kind of need to understand why people are traveling far and why it’s important to maintain kind and inviting relationships.”
“Yes, NTA but yes YTA depending on what you want to have as priority.”
“I have a neighbor that to this day can’t forget that I cooked food for her family on the day that they arrived back home so that even the kids had a big meal directly at their table.”
“It’s the little things that make our world better.”
“Let’s start see the big picture!”- Secure-Ad4436
“People are overcomplicating this.”
“He asked if you have any food at home that he can feed to his kids and after almost a 4-hour drive you basically say ‘lol no’.”
“Don’t be so grumpy.”
“Let the kids have some toast or something.”- Goose4594
“Sometimes I forget that reddit is predominantly american/western.”
“This is a weird response to hungry kids.”
“In my perspective, YTA.”
“Bottom-line is ; some kids (who are actually relatives too btw) are at your house by invitation, and are hungry.”
“You just feed them!”
“The reason doesn’t matter.”
“It’s so odd to me that you act (in my opinion) clinical and cold and cite mealtimes and refuse to feed kids and instead ask them to go out and figure it out.”
“Just assume the best from your cousin that he had some reason why they had a miss on feeding the kids earlier and feed the kids.”
“Or even because it’s a demonstration of care from an aunt/uncle.”- GryffindorGhostNick
It’s not exactly unreasonable to expect snacks and refreshments upon arrival for a weekend visit.
But to expect a full meal, let alone lunch at 5 pm, is something of a stretch.
One can only imagine that the OP’s cousin will never go on a road trip with his sons without packing a hefty load of snacks ever again.