People will look for any excuse to get out of doing something they don’t want to do.
Some even have an excuse ready and waiting in their back pocket, be it exhaustion, work, or previous plans.
Sometimes, however, people don’t need an excuse, as there is a genuine, sometimes serious reason they can’t provide help at a particular time.
Even if the one asking for help might not always believe them.
Redditor WrongdoerVisible7349 told her husband that she couldn’t help him with a chore owing to a medical condition.
However, When he persisted, the original poster (OP) grudgingly accepted, even though her concerns proved valid.
As she recovered, the OP declined to do another chore she commonly did for her husband, something he did not take kindly to one bit.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not feeding my husband because he caused me to have an allergic reaction.”
The OP explained how after her health took a turn for the worse owing to helping her husband with yard work, she put some of her other regular household duties aside.
“He technically didn’t cause an allergic reaction but he pushed me into it.”
“I (26 F[emale]) am allergic to a plant that lives in the state my husband (29 M[ale]), and I have moved to.”
“We aren’t sure which plant yet but are narrowing it down kinda.”
“My doctor has told me not to do any yardwork whatsoever because I have an allergic reaction every time.”
“Full body rash and swollen joints for like a week.”
“Wearing gloves and protective clothes has not helped.”
“My husband knows all of this.”
“Yesterday, he mowed and pressured me into helping him rake up grass and weeds.”
“I didn’t want to, and I mentioned that I could have an allergic reaction, but he said that he needed help and that I would be fine.”
“Against my better judgment, I thought that if I just raked and didn’t physically touch anything, I would be fine.”
“I didn’t want to refuse him when he insisted.”
“Today I have a rash all over, and a lot of swelling, and I feel like sh*t.”
“I normally meal prep for the next week on Sundays.”
“This morning, I half a**ed threw me some salads in Tupperware for next week and called it a day.”
“I eat a lot of easy stuff that doesn’t require cooking, so it’s fine.”
“My husband, on the other hand, eats like 15 pounds of meat a week as well as vegetables and sides.”
“It usually takes me hours to cook his food, and it’s very draining.”
“I told him he needs to cook his food for the next week because I’m too tired and my skin feels awful.”
“He got mad and said he’d just eat takeout since he wants to relax on his last day off.”
“So now I have to freeze all the meat so it doesn’t go to waste.”
“He only cooks once or twice a year.”
“He thinks it’s not fair for me not to feed him since I agreed to rake, and it isn’t his fault I had an allergic reaction.”
“I’m not trying to punish him, but I’m really suffering right now, and I just don’t have it in me.”
“I also do think it wasn’t fair for him to pressure me into doing something he knows I medically shouldn’t do.”
“AITA for not feeding my husband?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to feed her husband.
Everyone agreed that not only was the OP’s husband being shockingly insensitive towards her allergy, but he also seemed to be grossly taking advantage of her, to begin with, by expecting her always to cook him dinner.
“NTA.”
“He knows you are trying to figure out what you are allergic to.”
“You had a medical reason not to do the raking.”
“He should not have bullied you into helping with the raking.”
“You have the horrible consequences of helping, and he is now experiencing the inconvenient easy consequence of not having you prep his meals for the week.”
“I am so angry that he expects you to cook when you don’t feel well.”
“He is choosing not to cook.”
“Please do not feel guilty that you are not up to feeding him.”
“He is a grown man.”
“I hope you can treat yourself to something nice when this latest allergy attack is over.”
“Please don’t help next time.”
“You may have an allergy attack that is even worse next time.”- crosstitcher46
“NTA, he is not a little helpless boy to be fed.”
“He can make his own food.”
“It’s your weekend too. Why he wants you to spend your last day off cooking for him?”- Trespassingw
“You need to move back to whatever (safe for you actually to exist outside) place you came from.”
“Your husband and his pounds of meat can rot.”
“He technically did cause you to have an allergic reaction.”
“He pressured you into going outside and doing yard work when you have no damned idea what sets you off.”
“But he knows something out there does, and he doesn’t GAF.”
“And now he is whining you won’t cook for him.”
“Oh. My. God.”
“NTA.”- YouthNAsia63
“NTA and tbh I’d be questioning the relationship because it doesn’t sound like he cares much about you and just expects you to do everything for him?”- MermaidCoven
“NTA, and you are entitled to not meal prep for him any damn time you want regardless of what else is going on.”- Healthy_Meal1485
“Please please please rethink this relationship.”
“He insisted you put your health at risk and then blamed you for risking your health and convinced you it’s your fault and he shouldn’t have to take responsibility for the choices he pressured you into.”
“This is a form of abuse, and you’re falling for it hook, line, and sinker.”
“People like him don’t improve. They only get worse.”
“Are you able to move out and away from him?”
“Have you got family or friends you can stay with?”
“Please if you can, speak to your doctor at your next appointment and tell them how you are being treated at home.”- CheeryBottom
“NTA.”
“OP, please up your game.”
“Acknowledge your needs & advocate minimum boundaries regarding your health.”
“The risk of him being pissy is why you compromise yourself?!”
“What is it going to take for you to change this dynamic?”
“Allergic reactions can be debilitating as the body fights off the effects.”
“Will your neighbor find you puffed up beyond belief with your throat closing before you realize I can no longer do ‘X’?!”
“Your marriage has entrenched dynamics; most do.”
“In your case, your needs are squashed to ‘small..minute’ in order to push away arguments or pissy moods.”
“Consider going to therapy to have a trained person help you unpack what is occurring and what and how you want to navigate.”
“It’s extremely freeing to focus on yourself.”
“Life is short.”
“Best to you.”
“Why did you not put your health first and decline to rake?”
“You have severe reactions that could escalate during any exposures.”- DesertSong-LaLa
The OP eventually returned with an update, offering some clarity about her husband and also sharing where she and her husband currently stand in regard to yard work and cooking.
“Dang you guys really hate my husband haha.”
“He’s actually a pretty decent guy, I think this post just portrayed him in a bad light.”
“He works 80 hours a week to support me while I go to school, and he still manages to do at least half of the cleaning.”
“I talked to him, and he said his back was just hurting, and he was stressed out from work, and he wasn’t thinking.”
“He apologized and brought me dinner while I lay on the couch.”
“I’m not doing his meal prep this week because I really just can’t, but we both came to terms with it.”
“He’ll feed himself, and I’ll try to manage my skin as best as I can.”
“It looks awful and feels worse.”
“He’s not a lazy guy, and he works hard to make things up in other areas. He just hates cooking.”
“Which, to be fair, I hated yard work even before we moved to this sh*tty state where I’m allergic to everything.”
It’s good to know that the OP’s husband doesn’t expect her to be quite as subservient as her initial post suggested.
Even so, seeing as she constantly had bad reactions from things growing in their yard, it’s a little surprising that the OP even suggested she help, let alone expect her to cook for him when she was in such poor health.
Thankfully, it looks like the chances of this unfortunate situation happening again are slim to none.