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Gay Man Called ‘Financially Abusive’ For Refusing To Put Jobless Partner’s Name On New House

Gay couple with a house key.
Antonio_Diaz/Getty Images

When you’re in a loving, committed relationship, “what’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine,” as the saying goes.

That being said, not all couples are quite willing to share everything with their partners, at least not right away.

Specifically, money and property.

Redditor TryComfortable4289 had become the sole breadwinner for him and his partner after his partner neglected to find employment for an extended period of time.

So, when the original poster (OP) was finally ready for a major life decision, he decided to move forward by himself and didn’t include his partner, who couldn’t financially contribute.

A decision that didn’t sit well with the OP’s partner one bit.

Wondering if he was being insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The a**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for not putting my partners name on the house?”

The OP explained why he decided to purchase a house all on his own and not include his partner on the lease.

“So for context, we’re both 27 M[ale] and have been together for around eight years.”

“I work a job that pays 60K a year, and he is unemployed and collects ‘benefits’ off of his parents.”

“He’s been unemployed since covid when he was fired and never got round to finding a job again.”

“Recently, I’ve been looking into buying a house.”

“He’s been supportive of this and getting us out of the crazy renting market.”

“I managed to find a house I love and talked to him about it.”

“We visited together and decided this is the one.”

“Now it gets to paperwork and mortgage stuff, and I complete it and pay the deposit.”

“I tell him that it’s all gone through, and we should be on track to moving in a couple of months.”

“He asks to go through the paperwork, and I agree.”

“3 days later, he confronts me and asks why everything is in my name.”

“I reply because it’s my money, and I’m the one paying the mortgage. You’re not putting any money or effort into the property.”

“He retaliates saying I’m being financially abusive and says that I can’t expect to own everything.”

“Later on, we talk again, and we discuss our issues with it.”

“I agreed that in my will, the house is left to him, as well as most of my savings.”

“He says it’s not enough, and if we split up, he’s left with nothing.”

“It gets heated, and I tell him of he wanted a house, he should have worked for it, not stayed at home and relied on me.”

“I said if he wanted to be on the mortgage, it means he will have to find a job that pays the same as mine.”

“The argument hasn’t really resolved itself, and I’m wondering now whether I am being inconsiderate of him.”

“I really don’t know what to do.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not including his partner on the lease to their new house.

Everyone agreed that the OP did the absolutely right thing not including his partner on the lease when he had no source of income, finding his partner’s behavior spoiled and entitled, with many even going on to say that the OP shouldn’t allow him to live in the house until he could afford it, if not end the relationship altogether.

“So he’s not mentally or physically unable to work.”

“He’s not going to school.”

“He’s not home raising children or caring for an elderly parent.”

“He just… chooses not to work because he doesn’t want to work?”

“And this isn’t anything the two of you agreed on?”

“He just forced it on you by not finding a job?”

“Yeah, someone’s committing some financial abuse here, but it’s not you.”- OkeyDokey234

“Where is his stake?”

“If you break up and he’s ‘left with nothing’ how is that your fault?”

“If you haven’t prevented him from earning, saving, or spending money then it’s not financial abuse.”

“NTA and i would not let him move in without a written lease agreement, even if no money changes hands.”

“Clearly things need to be well-defined between you.”- loverlyone


“Your partner has not contributed in any way.”

“You are not financially abusing them.”

“Mooching off others is the absolute opposite of that.”

“If they can come up with a portion of the deposit and split the mortgage, then they may have a resaon to request it.”

“Otherwise… no way.”

“And your will should be your choice. They shouldn’t be demanding anything of you.”- crankybookish


“Your partner is not a partner.”

‘He’s a dependent.”

“He has no right to any of your property.”

“In fact, he should be paying you rent if he wants to live in the house.”

“You are responsible for the mortgage, not him.”

“You are responsible for insurance, and repairs, and all the things that go with home ownership.”

“He is not.”

“He doesn’t get to mooch off your assets beyond the regular mooching that he’s already accomplished.”

“I would kick him to the curb and get on with your life.”

“But that’s me.”- dunemi

“Uhhh of course if you split up he’ll be left with nothing.”

“You’re not married.”

“That’s the benefit of that other bit of paperwork – marriage certificates.”

“If he wants to fill those out, perhaps he would be on the house.”

“But currently you are single and buying a home with your money.”

“You are supporting him.”

“His emotional manipulation is also abuse.”


“Do NOT fall for this.”

“Here’s a scenario – he’s waiting to be put on the house, then leaves, and in some places can actually force you to sell.”

“I said ‘also abuse”.

“There is no abuse on OP’s part.”

“OP is fully supporting him!”- Major_Barnacle_2212

“You ADDED him to your will and he said that wasn’t enough?!”

“Him keeping your house and saving after you PASS IS NOT ENOUGH?!”- Outrageous-Frame-691


“Not sure whu you are with a guy that can’t be bothered to work.”

“So lazy.”- Slight-Bar-534

“NTA, because he hasn’t contributed financially at all in the process, it sounds like, and his claim that this is ‘financially abusive’ is complete hogwash, because the fact is that he contributed nothing, so why should he expect something if you and he were to split up.”

“I feel that he’s only entitled only to what he contributed, and since he contributed nothing, he is entitled to nothing.”

“Your request to him to get a job and contribute financially to the home if he wants to be on the mortgage and title is very mature and valid.”- mugsmoney-79


“It doesn’t sound like you guys are married, and he isn’t contributing anything.”

“He doesn’t even need a job that pays the same as yours to contribute, though.”

“Just a job.”

“He has refused to do this.”

“Regardless, this is not financial abuse.”- PinkNGreenFluoride


“He’s a bit of a mooch, plain and simple.”

“You did the right thing.”

“Don’t be emotionally bullied into things.”- pigmaylian

“NTA and please please don’t do it.”

“I lost my house this way.”

“MY house.”

“I bought my house and had it 1/2 paid off.”

“I lived there for 10 years.”

“I put my ex on the deed, we broke up, now I have nothing.”- Significant_Map8830

“How are you financially abusing HIM when he gets to live in the house YOU are paying?”

“Huge Red Flag.”

“Did he really think you were just going to gift him half a house without him working for it?”

“You are right.”

“If he wants to be on the mortgage, he needs to pay his half of the costs.”

“NTA.”- DoIwantToKnow6417

The OP later returned with an update as to how he planned to proceed with the mortgage and where his relationship currently stood.

Thank you, everyone, for the feedback.”

‘We had a difficult conversation last night where I proposed that if he pays rent towards the mortgage then I will put his name on the deed.”

“Unfortunately this had a lot of backlash and he made the claim of me being financially abusive again.”

“I have now said that he cannot move with me to the new house if he does not contribute to it.”

“He said he feels betrayed and belittled.”

“I feel like I’m in the same situation I was at the start.”

It would be one thing if the OP were being hard on his partner for not being able to land a job despite putting considerable effort into it.

However, as the OP’s partner doesn’t even appear to be interested in finding a job at the moment, it’s easy to understand why the OP wasn’t terribly eager to include him on the mortgage.

Money is often the catalyst for a relationship coming to an end, which sadly seems like a more than likely possibility here.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.