For all the joy children provide, raising children also comes with more than its fair share of anxiety.
Namely, always worrying about their health and safety, even over a seemingly minor fall or bump.
But as any parent, grandparent or babysitter could tell you, a child leaving your sight for even just one moment still gives them the potential to be harmed in any number of ways.
Redditor Vast_Edge_9460 was initially more than happy to open his home to his daughter and grandson, after she fell on slightly hard times.
However, the original poster (OP)’s patience began to wear a little thin the more and more his daughter began worrying about the safety of her toddler child.
When the OP’s daughter suggested some changes be made to his house to ensure her child’s safety, he flatly refused.
Wondering if he was being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to childproof my house?”
The OP explained why childproofing his home was one thing too many for him:
“My wife and I have a daughter [23] called Katie, who has an almost 1 year old son named Jesse.”
“Katie still lives at home with us, which isn’t ideal, but we’ve had to make do with the situation.”
“My wife has basically become a second mother to Jesse and we have both been helping out Katie as much as possible, as Katie and the father are no longer together.”
“He still does his part but since Katie still lives with us, Jesse is with us most of the time.”
“I would rather not have Katie still living with us but she had nowhere else to go so we couldn’t kick her out with a child.”
“My wife doesn’t have as much of a problem with her living at home as I do, but the main thing that annoys me is that Katie spends her money on stupid things that she doesn’t need instead of saving up for her own place.”
“We’ve given her so much and she basically just throws it back in our faces.”
“Jesse is starting to walk around furniture and is getting more adventurous, so Katie bought corner protectors and cabinet locks to put around the house as well as baby gates.”
“She came to me and asked me if I could help her put them on stuff and put up the gates, but I told her that I didn’t want to start putting all of that around my house.”
“She said we need them up to keep Jesse from hurting himself, but I reminded her that Jesse has a whole nursery that he can learn to walk in, so he doesn’t need to be walking around the kitchen or living room or any other room, and it’s her responsibility to make sure he doesn’t injure himself.”
“We got into an argument about it and I basically told her she should he saving her money to get her own place where she can do whatever she wants instead of buying more things to put in my house.”
“She got pretty upset but I think she got the message because she hasn’t talked about putting them up since.”
“My wife asked me why I wouldn’t help her out and I told her that if we start childproofing our house, it will give Katie the impression that we’re willing to accommodate her and Jesse for as long as she wants and that she can live with us for god knows how long.”
“I just don’t want her thinking her that she can live with us forever because as much as I love her and Jesse, the sooner they move out the better because it’s a lot of extra work for my wife and I.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who generally agreed that he was, indeed, the a**hole in this situation.
While there were some who understood his frustrations with needing to babyproof his home, and others understood him wanting his daughter to move out, everyone still agreed that babyproofing was a necessity as long as he allowed his daughter and grandson to live in his home — especially as it was revealed in the comments that his daughter was paying him rent, making his claims about her not saving money all the more questionable.
“Congratulations on receiving the A**hole of the Year Award.”
“You may not appreciate having your daughter and your grandson in your home, but they are living there now, and you are partially responsible for his safety.”
“Do you really think that this baby is going to spend the remainder of his stay in your home in his room?”
“I am appalled that you would think that devices necessary for the baby’s safety are ‘stupid things that she doesn’t need’.
“I am appalled at your selfishness.”
“Yes, they are a lot of work (although not for you because you are doing nothing for them except for begrudgingly sharing your space.”
“How would you feel if your grandson fell down the stairs and fractured his skull because you didn’t feel a baby gate was necessary (she would need one in your home if he were there for even one night)?”
“I am appalled at your callous attitude.”
“Have I used the word ‘appalled’ several times?”
“I am truly shocked and cannot get over your appalling attitude.”
“There I have said it again,”
“YES, YOU ARE AN A**HOLE.”- Maximum-Swan-1009
“YTA.”
“Baby proofing to protect your own grandchild is a hardship foe you?”
“Again…YTA.”- Accomplished-Ad3219
“YTA.”
“The main thing is making sure Jesse doesn’t get into things that could hurt him while he is living in your house.”
“You and your wife need to be on the same page about when Katie needs to move out.”
“When that happens, you can happily toss the childproof everything and celebrate.”-HighlyCaffein8edSoul
“YTA.”
“Not because you didn’t baby proof the house (I didn’t either for my own kid, I was just dead careful) but the way you talk about the whole situation.”
“If my dad spoke about me like this, I’d be furious.”
“You want to be careful as she will move out eventually, and you might never see her or her kid again with this attitude.”- clrthrn
“YTA.”
“If you have a baby living with you, you need to make the house safe.”
“You truly expect a baby to stay in one room to ‘learn to walk’?”
“Makes me wonder how involved you were as a parent to Katie because that is a pretty clueless take on things.”
“If you don’t want them there, then you need to set a timeline for them to move out, and ideally be a parent and help her achieve those goals.”- Squiggy226
“YTA.”
“If you really want her out that badly, why don’t you save her rent for her since she does pay it and then tell her to use it to get her own place once there is enough?”
“If she pays rent, she is a tenant and has rights—which includes her child being safe in the home she pays rent in.”- Former_Expression_94
“NTA for refusing to childproof the house.”
“YTA for refusing to allow the house to be childproofed by your paying tenant.”
“Another commenter pointed out that OP has removed a lot of important details (like Katie paying rent) and has been outright deceitful regarding the daughters money management.”
“Also if the childproofing is such a burden for OP, a compromise might be childproofing just 1 level of the home. then the child can be safe without having to be confined to 1 bedroom.”- GRAWRGER
“YTA bud.”
“That said, you and your wife should talk and maybe come up with a plan to charge Katie a minimal rent.”
“But just save it up until she’s ready to move out or until it’s a fair-sized nest egg that you can present to her as a ‘hey, you should move out’ gift.”
“Also, note that you or your wife will still have to do a lot of sitting with Jesse once they move out, so maybe things are a little more convenient the way they are.”- Immediate-Season-293
“Jeez, you’re a gigantic a**hole.”
“Why are you so mean and selfish?”
“It’s clear you despise your daughter and grandchild.”
“I feel sorry for them having ever to see you at all.”
“YTA.”- Bergenia1
There were a few, however, who did understand the OP’s frustrations about his daughter getting too comfortable in his house, even if they still agreed he was wrong not to babyproof his home.
“ESH.”
“Being a parent never ends.”
“Your daughter is most likely never going to move out, and you’re going to have to accept this.”
“I’m a parent to a single mother, and I wish she would move back home – believe me, it’s much easier to support them under your own roof than support two households.”- JenninMiami
There’s no denying it, childproofing your home is annoying.
However, childproofing also prevents children from needing to be rushed to the emergency room.
If the OP thinks the occasional emergency room visit is less of a hassle than childproofing his home while his grandson lives there, he needs to seriously reevaluate his priorities.