When it comes to our health and our bodies, no two people share the exact same experience.
Indeed, while some people can go months, if not years without even getting a small cold, others might suffer from chronic or serious health problems on a more regular basis.
And while we do our best to be sympathetic, understanding these health issues isn’t always easy.
Redditor Rinoalbering felt that his younger sister was buying an excess of products related to her health, and warned her that she needed to cut back or else he would stop buying them.
But after his sister accused him of being ignorant and insensitive, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for asking my sister to consume less menstrual products or I won’t buy any for her anymore?”
The OP began by sharing how his sister came to be his roommate, and in turn he became her financial provider.
My(21 M[ale]) sister(19 F[emale]) moved with me ten months ago because she wanted more freedom form our parents.”
“She’s in college and while our parents are paying for her studies, I have to pay for everything else.”
“Since she moved with me I handle food, bills, and every other minor expense.”
“She’s still looking for a job.”
“It was no problem at first, I agreed to her moving with me and I was aware of what would come with it.”
“I think I never made her feel like an expense or a burden.”
“Lately though I’ve been struggling to fit everything in my paycheck.”
“We had to cut on superficial things and I even asked my parents to give me some extra money for sis, otherwise I won’t be able to provide for both of us much longer and she’ll have to go back home.”
The OP noticed one particular item on which he was spending a noticeable amount of money, resulting in his making an ultimatum.
“Here’s the problem: she consume way too much menstrual products.”
“To the point where it’s just a waste and not a necessity.”
“She likes to be clean and I totally get that, but she uses up to three tampon boxes per month.”
“She told me she has to change tampon every hour, which even I know is excessive.”
“I asked mum for help and she told me they’ve been fighting over it ever since sis got her period, because no matter how strong her flow is, she really does waste much more than necessary.”
“Since mum told me so, I decided to ask her to consume less menstrual products.”
“She got angry, raised her voice and told me she absolutely can’t cut on that, she needs every bit of what she uses and I’m just a man so I can’t understand.”
“I raised my voice too and told her that either stop waiting so much or I’ll stop buying her any menstrual products and she’ll have to buy her own.”
“She got really upset, called me all kind of things and locked herself in her room.”
“I let it go and decided to talk it through with her when she calmed down.”
“In the mean time I went out with my friend and told them what happened.”
“To my surprise, the girls said my sister is right and not me nor our mum can possibly know how much products she needs.”
“I though about and maybe they’re right, am I being too harsh on her?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While most people generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole, the Reddit community was somewhat divided on their opinions of how he handled the matter.
Some felt that the OP was not necessarily the a**hole, feeling it was unfair that he was completely covering her financially, but that he could have been more sensitive, as his sister’s condition sounded serious, and that she needed to see a doctor.
“Came just to say I hope she has access to a doctor bc that seems like a lot of tampons.”
“I’m only one woman, and I know everyone is different.”
“But 3 boxes seems crazy to me.”- CommunicationOdd9406.
“I think NTA but hear me out.”
“Talk to her, ask her if she’s comfortable with you advising for her health and if she is, tell her to go see a gyno.”
“It could be just an heavy flow, and maybe a doctor will help her understand what amount of products she needs.”
“Or it could be that she really needs that much, and a professional can help her dealing with it in a safe and healthy way.”-Stagbiitle.
“I’m gonna go with NTA.”
“HOWEVER she is right to say that you don’t get to judge her use of menstrual products.”
“The reason I say NTA is because it shouldn’t be your responsibility to begin with.”
“She is only independent from her parents because she made you the parent instead which is so unfair that I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Siblings are not parents.”
‘She is not your responsibility.”
“She can not claim independence at your expense.”-magpiesinatrenchcoat.
“The girls are right, neither you nor your mom can know how much she needs.”
“For additional info: taking out a tampon that isn’t f*ll fucking hurts.”
“So it really does sound like she’s filling up a tampon an hour.”
“She could maybe size up a little, if she isn’t already on like super/super plus.”
“That said, this does sound like an excessive amount of blood that she’s losing, and it might not be a bad idea for her to discuss this with her gynaecologist.”
“Could be this is just her normal, but it could also be that there’s something wrong that could potentially be fixed.”
“Also a menstrual cup might be more beneficial to her, since it can hold more blood than a tampon.”
“But they don’t work for everyone.”
“I’m also wondering why you have to pay for everything.”
“she’s an adult too, and she should get a job to at least pitch in.”- Farahild.
Well. I bet Big Brother has learned a LOT about periods if he has read through this. Probably should be required reading for every male, actually. And a number of women, too.
“Not sure he’s TA, because I bet he didn’t have a clue about any of this.”
“Tell your parents that she needs to see a doctor and since she’s likely on their insurance, they should get that set up ASAP.”
“She would get best advice from a woman GYN, probably.”
“Someone need to figure out what’s going on with Lil Sis, and it’s not her big brother.”- Haunting-Ad-5526.
“NAH. Poor girl doesn’t realize that is very far from normal.”
“I had periods that cost me 5 soaked pads a day, for a month, lasting two weeks, until I was diagnosed and medicated.”
“I would push for parents or your sister to see a doctor.”
“Many things can effect it, I have two organs screwing me over that require medication to work out.”-Zearria.
Other’s felt that the OP shouldn’t be the one footing the bills for his sister, regardless of her condition.
“I get the whole ‘she can’t control it’ argument, but I have no idea why OP is financially responsible for anything his sister does.”
“If she hasn’t been able to find a job in 10 months she’s not really looking.”- Ryan233tiger.
“I was ready to go with AH, but every hour is crazy and probably very uncomfortable as it will be almost dry tampons which increases the chance that fibres will get stuck in the vagina.”
“I would actually recommend that she seeks some professional help because it’s not normal, and if she actually needs that many tampons then something is wrong medically.”
“A menstrual cup would be more appropriate here, re-usable and can be emptied as frequently as she likes.’
“Just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you are ignorant about periods, and in this case, I don’t think you are ignorant.”- smileystarfish.
“I personally don’t use tampons, primarily because they are so f*cking expensive!”
“Changing a tampon hourly. recommended is 4-8 hours, is definitely excessive unless she has a health condition.”
“In that case she needs to see her GP.”
“Sorry to say but if she wants more freedom from her parents, then she needs to start behaving like an adult.”
“It’s perfectly acceptable to require her to buy her own products.”
“You are both adults, she is not your child or wife or girlfriend.”-BlueClouds42.
“Tell her to get a job why are you financially responsible for a 19 year old .”
The OP probably should have thought twice before telling his sister what she does and doesn’t need in regards to her health.
Though how he was saddled with completely supporting her financially is confusing to say the least, and something he shouldn’t have to continue doing.
This family needs to have a serious conversation about many things.