When one’s spouse or significant other has health issues, it’s second nature to want to help them.
This could include running errands, preparing meals, and helping with some basic caregiving.
Sometimes, however, willing as you are to help, you might be faced with doing something that you don’t feel qualified for or simply aren’t comfortable doing.
The girlfriend of Redditor Own-Skin6838 suffered from a very unenviable condition, which often resulted in blood stains all over their house.
As this unfortunate problem became more and more persistent, the original poster (OP) became much less willing to clean these stains up.
Hurting his girlfriend’s feelings in doing so, feeling that he lacked empathy.
Wondering if they were being insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to clean up after my girlfriend even though she was upset?”
The OP explained why he simply couldn’t bring himself to clean up after his girlfriend.
“I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years and she’s always had irregular periods, she has some sort of hormonal imbalance meaning her periods are apparently more difficult.”
“She’d been complaining her period was late, by like a little over a month.”
“We’ve been together 2 years, during that time she’s occasionally had periods that last two months/had a period twice a month, etc.”
“She’s been doctors, and I’ll say no much more as I’m not looking for medical advice.”
“In the past when she’s been on her period she has bled over bedding/the sofa/the floor and she says it’s because it’s a heavy flow.”
“She’s sometimes in a lot of discomfort so she’s asked me to clean it up.”
“I got home yesterday and it was like everywhere I can’t even explain how bad it was.’
“I don’t know how she managed it. She said it was heavier because it was late.”
“I told her I wouldn’t be tidying up and went to bed.”
“I’d had a really long day my dad is sick, so I had to spend time comforting my mother which in itself was hard, but then I spent the day on my feet being yelled at by customers.”
“She was obviously upset, but there’s usually discomfort when her period starts, so it’s not unusual.”
“I did get out the heated blanket for her and some pain meds.”
“Today, I apologized to her for assuming she was going to ask, she said, ‘I was…’ so I said, ‘oh, not as sorry then because I wasn’t going to tidy it’ to which she stormed out, told me ‘I should understand by now that she struggles occasionally and I need empathy.'”
“I said she needs to learn she has them enough that she should be the one to clean up after herself.”
“We’re not speaking right now.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not cleaning up after his girlfriend.
Everyone agreed that there was a much bigger issue at hand, and the OP’s girlfriend should speak with a doctor, as her constant heavy bleeding seemed to be a serious cause for concern.
“She needs to find out what’s going on. She could have fibroids that cause pain and heavier than normal flow.”
“But she needs to be aware and use some protective bed pads like these.”
“There’s no excuse for just ruining furniture and god knows what else.”- wordsmythy
“She needs to see a dr as her periods seem to be abnormally heavy.”
“She shouldn’t be bleeding out to the point where it’s on multiple surfaces.”
“And if her periods are that heavy, she’s likely dealing with anemia as well.”- SWGTravel
“It’s kind of you to clean up, but there’s no reason you need to take on 10000% period cleaning duty.”
“Your girlfriend needs to talk to a doctor.”
“This heavy of flow is not normal.”- twelvedayslate
“I also had a situation similar to your gf.”
“Went to the doctor and needed minor surgery.”
“I understand how painful and embarrassing the situation is for her.”
“That being said, I NEVER asked or expected anyone to clean up the mess from my period troubles.”
“The fact that you have cared enough to have done so previously says much about your character (all good).”
“If your gf has the strength & energy to throw a hissy fit, then she has the strength & energy to clean off her mess.”
“Again NTA.”- PublicAggressive5410
“Empathy she can have.”
“Maid service, not so much.”- gnothro
“I think there’s a good case for a waterproof absorbent pad for the bed and maybe just for her to carry some wherever she sits at home.”
“Instead of period panties, adult diapers hold a tremendous amount of fluid, and yeah, it might be temporarily embarrassing, but it should be a relief to her to not worry.”
“Seriously, this option is actually really amazing for period having people with a heavy flow.”
“But of course, you shouldn’t have to clean up after the elevator scene in the shining.”
“Nor even a smaller blood smear on the toilet. She’s an adult and made the mess.”
“It is so kind that you do it sometimes, that’s generous of heart, but it shouldn’t have become an expectation.”
“I hope you’re both feeling better!”- SwitchupThrice
“Heavy gushing periods totally suck.”
“Your girlfriend should learn how to prevent messes, though.”
“Wearing a diaper or putting a towel down would help.”- Medical_Ant2027
“As a menstruating female, I’ve never ONCE asked a partner to clean up after me.”
“And, although it’s not my business, and I understand that there are personal preferences.”
“Is she using ANY kind of sanitary products?”
“A blood flow that is ‘everywhere’ sounds like a medical problem.”- k8ter8te
“There is absolutely no reason you should be cleaning up her period more than once.”
“She sounds lazy and entitled and frankly disgusting.”
“Also ironic for her to claim you need empathy. Where is her empathy for you, being exhausted emotionally and physically.”
“Red flags all around.”- reddituser2907
“If she’s literally getting it all over the house like that, she needs to either go to a hospital or at least a gyno immediately because that amount of bleeding isn’t normal.”- smol9749been
“There’s no need for someone else to clean her period blood.”
“And I get that she has something going on with her hormones that messes up with her period (I have them too and sometimes have my period once every 3/4 months or twice a month, and they’re heavy, like a lot).”
“BUT there’s no way that she uses pads/tampons and still leaks that much.”
“I would never ask for someone else to clean after me, even when I’m in a LOT of pain.”- kikokiko01
“Waking up and having bled on the bed.”
“Getting up after a movie to see a spot on the sofa.”
“But if it’s all over the house, why didn’t she see and use some protection?”
“Plus, it’s far easier to clean fresh blood. She should have done it immediately.”
“Asking someone else to clean your bodily fluids is for if you’re deathly ill (although if there’s that much blood, maybe she needs to go to hospital).”- Ok-Lynx-6250
“I get highly irregular and heavy periods and I have bled through pads and couldn’t use tampons due to being prone to UTIs (might be the same thing for her) but I have never asked anyone to clean up the messes I’d leave if an accident or leak happened.”
“My issue ended with a hysterectomy and my husband and myself were very grateful that the hormonal mess had been taken care of.”
“You shouldn’t have poked the bear though with your snapback about the apology.”
“That’s a discussion for after the worst is over.”
“She should get an IUD implanted though to help stop her misery however, if she has tried birth control pills and they didn’t work.”- Disabled_Army_Vet_82
“I understand the crazy period.”
“I had one once where I was bleeding through anything and everything.”
“I ended up in the ER to make sure I wasn’t hemorrhaging.”
“I had bled through a tampon, pad and my clothes in the car so I went to the bathroom to try and clean up.”
“I did have my husband come with me because I was afraid of passing out.”
“It took both of us twenty minutes to get me and then the bathroom back clean.”
“That being said I would never assume my husband should clean up after me and once I knew it was just going to be a crazy few days of bleeding I broke out the depends (they hold much more liquid than a traditional pad).”
“If girl is having a crazy flow then it’s time to do crazy preventative work (wear depends or period panties, sit on a towel, whatever it takes, but there isn’t any reason her body fluid should be all over the general living space).”- MommaHistory
It’s easy to see why the OP’s girlfriend was upset and feeling kind of vulnerable.
However, it does seem like quite a lot to expect the OP to clean up after her every time she has an unusual amount of bleeding.
As many people have said, seeing a doctor to help get this under control is probably her best bet.