If there’s one element of being part of a wedding party that everyone dreads, it’s the attire.
Indeed, very few bridesmaids jump for joy when they see the dress that the bride has chosen for them.
Nor would all groomsmen have chosen the suit or tie color that the groom chose for them.
But as this isn’t their wedding, they often put on a good face and wear the agreed-upon outfit chosen for them.
Even if some people aren’t afraid to speak up and share their discontent.
The son of Redditor Ok_Bullfrog1222 was soon to be married,
As his family wasn’t religious, the original poster (OP) was fully on board with his son’s ceremony being a traditional ceremony in the bride-to-be’s religion.
However, when the OP saw the traditional attire he’d be required to wear, he came to regret his decision.
Wondering if he would be wrong to find a way out of his intended wedding outfit, the OP took to the subReddit “Would I Be The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA for not fully engaging with my son’s fiance’s family traditions?”
The OP explained why he was not on board with the outfit he was intended to wear at his son’s wedding:
“My son is getting married to a Hindu woman.”
“We are a non-religious family so he has opted to embrace the traditions of his partner and her family.”
“As such, the wedding will be a full-on traditional Hindu wedding.”
“I’ve been asked to wear the traditional clothing of their tradition.”
“It includes a skirt type piece that I don’t like.”
“I told my son I’m not comfortable wearing that since it’s not my culture plus in my country, I want to dress like my countryman.”
“But it seems there is a hard stop on this since to participate in the religious ceremony I need to wear it.”
‘I’ve told them I’m more comfortable wearing something with trousers that isn’t the tradition.”
“They have accepted that I can wear the trousers but my son is being stubborn and wants me to wear the real traditional clothing.”
“My wife is very excited to be wearing the traditional clothing as are my daughters.”
“I’m just not keen.”
“I am 60 M[ale].”
“The reason I need to wear it, I believe, is because I’ll be on the stage participating in the actual ceremony.”
“Am I the a**hole for not wanting to wear hindu clothing to my sons Hindu wedding?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The OP found very little sympathy from the Reddit community, who largely agreed that he would indeed be the a**hole if he refused to wear traditional Hindu attire at his son’s wedding:
Just about everyone agreed that the OP needed to get over himself, finding his resistance to wearing traditional Hindu attire a sign of toxic masculinity.
If anyone was being stubborn, it was him, not his son:
“Gently.”
“YTA.”
“You’re letting some kind of weird toxic masculinity get in the way of celebrating a moment with your child.”
“If you proceed with wearing something different than everyone else because you don’t want to wear ‘a skirt type piece that you don’t like,’ you’ll be ostracizing yourself.”
“YOU will be the one standing out because of your own insecurities.”
“Just wear the traditional garb for a few hours, I promise you’ll be fine, and no one will make fun of you.”- Discount_Mithral
“YWBTA if you attend the ceremony and DON’T conform to the dress code.”
“This would be true for ANY wedding.”
“You’re the father of the groom but you’re acting like the sullen teenage younger brother who doesn’t want to wear a suit.”
“It’s a religious ceremony.”
“You don’t have to be part of it if you aren’t comfortable with it.”
“But it’s incredibly rude to insist on attending and refusing to follow the wishes of the bride and groom.”
“I’m pretty sure your SON is insisting because your future in-laws don’t want to be too demanding, so HE has to stick up for HIS BRIDE.”
“I attended a Catholic wedding two weeks ago.”
“I’m Protestant.”
“They, of course, do a whole Mass, including Communion.”
“I sang the responses.”
“I stood when others stood, and I sat when they said ‘sit or kneel’.”
“They quite clearly indicated that non-Catholics were not to take Communion, so I didn’t.”
“As a guest at THEIR religious ceremony, I did what THEY wanted a non-Catholic to do.”
“You would do well to remember that the wedding is NOT ABOUT YOU.”
“It’s about being supportive of the bride and groom.”
“It’s not like you’re being asked to wear a kilt with nothing underneath.”
“Yes there’s a ‘skirt piece’ or a knee-length ‘dress’ but it’s worn over pants.”
“What you’re not understanding is, you will stick out if you DON’T wear the traditional clothing, much more than if you dress like everyone else–just like the sullen teenager who is wearing jeans and a polo to a formal wedding.”
“OP clarifies that he is being asked to be ‘on stage’ and PART OF the ceremony.”
“If he wanted to simply attend and observe, he wouldn’t be being asked to wear the traditional garb. And that he can change clothes for the reception, if he wants.”
“This is a completely normal and reasonable ask by the bride and groom.”
“If you don’t want to wear the correct clothing, don’t be IN the ceremony.”
“I’m 62 M if it matters, and as I’ve mentioned in other comments, I have worn ‘Biblical’ costumes for religious plays at Easter, at church.”
“I’ve also done community theatre, so I’m more comfortable in costume than most people.”- 1962Michael
“Yes, YWBTA, if you don’t fully engage with the traditions your son and his fiancé have chosen to embrace for their wedding.”
“This is not your wedding or birthday or celebration of any kind, so unless the garment they’re asking you to wear is physically uncomfortable and causing pain or far more expensive than what you can afford, then you should just embrace it.”
“They have accepted that I can wear the trousers but my son is being stubborn and wants me to wear the real traditional clothing.”
“His fiancé and her family are just trying to be polite; they don’t want to cause a scene, and they certainly don’t want you to cause one at the wedding.”
“She is being overly accommodating for your masculine fragility, not because it’s actually ok to go against their wishes for tradition.”
“Additionally, your future daughter-in-law, of course, wants to make a good impression on you and doesn’t want you to resent her for this simple request that you’re currently being a child about.”
‘Your son is standing his ground because he knows how important this is, and unlike his fiancé, he knows that you won’t stop loving him just for standing his ground.”
“He’s doing exactly what he should be, and you should apologize for insinuating that their clothing choices aren’t good enough.”
“Lastly, you can wear pants under whatever ‘skirt type piece’ you like, but you should definitely be dressed in the traditional clothing on top.”
“This is their wedding and they will have proof forever in their wedding photos that you’re a stubborn AH if you don’t go along with their request.”
“YTA.”- MustangTheLionheart
“YTA.”
“You’re non-religious, but you still are going to a religious ceremony.”
“So the rules of the ceremony apply.”
“Don’t risk insulting your future in-law’s religion and culture when you’re invited to a celebration of it, it puts your son in a really painful spot with his wife.”
“That said, you don’t have to stay in the traditional garb.”
“Take the clothes you want, and change between the ceremony and the reception.”- Roam1985
There were a few, however, who felt the OP was within his rights to express his discomfort, and a compromise could likely be made:
“I’m Hindu.”
“Most of my male relatives wear suits to wedding.”
“If you want a compromise, there are nice Indian style men’s suits that might be suitable for the occasion and give you a level of comfort as well.”
“I don’t think anyone is really going to be put out if you wear a nice suit – western or Indian.”
“No one really pays attention to what men wear – all the women will be trying to outdo each other instead.”
“NTA.”- ppr1227
“You shouldn’t have to wear something that you don’t want to.”
“Period.”
“I’ve seen this same conversation when bridesmaids don’t want to wear a dress.”
“NTA.”- Carebare150
If the OP’s future daughter-in-law wanted a traditional Hindu ceremony, it can only mean that her religion is very important to her.
One can only imagine that the OP has had to wear outfits he didn’t particularly like a few times earlier in his life.
This leaves one to wonder if wearing an outfit he’s not crazy about for a few moments on one of the biggest days of his son’s life is really that big of a deal.