Fun as they are, Weddings are notoriously expensive.
And not just for the bride and groom.
Indeed, it’s often overlooked that guests will often have to fork over substantial amounts of money to pay for travel, accommodation, and possibly a new outfit for the occasion.
Sometimes the cost of attending the wedding might even make going prohibitive.
Redditor Telepathybtwnhearts, felt that attending wedding in Europe was far too expensive for their husband to attend, leading to some marital spats.
Concerned that their behavior may have been out of line, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors.
“AITA for telling my husband he can’t leave me home with our 2 small children go to his friends wedding in Europe this summer?”
The OP first shared how they received a last minute wedding invitation, which seemed out of their price range after crunching some numbers.
“One of my husband’s best friends is getting married in Europe this summer to someone we have not met.”
“The engagement has been only a few months and we were given less than 3 months notice of the wedding.”
“Because it’s peak travel season, post Covid travel craze, high gas prices, short notice, etc. everything is SO expensive and doing the trip as cheap as possible for a week for the both of us would cost upwards of $7K. We cannot afford this.”
While the OP’s husband felt that it might have been feasible to go on his own, they made it abundantly clear why they were not at all on board for this plan.
“My husband thinks he ‘has’ to go because it’s one of his best friends and he was in our wedding 4 years ago.”
“He thinks he’s going to go alone with another friend while I stay home with our 2 children (3 and 1).”
“Am I the asshole for saying no f*cking way???”
“Here are some more nuanced details.”
“3 years ago he quit his job for a career change where he needed to go back to school for 1 year, cost = 100k, and now requires 2+ years of training where he makes roughly $500 a month, aka nothing.”
“He is 2/3 of the way done with training.”
“While i do agree it’s ‘our’ money, i am the breadwinner, my job provides basically all of the income being brought home, and I work a job I have no passion for because it’s stable, supports our family, provides benefits etc.m while he works on his training and can be qualified to get a stable job sometime next year.”
“We sold the house I bought before we were married and moved in with family, haven’t gone on any trips, watch every dollar we spend, etc to afford for him to pay for school and be able to do his training.”
“I am the default parent 99% of the time and keep our household running, our children fed and bathed, bring them and pick them up from school etc.”
“I am a solo parent the majority of mornings and many evenings and weekends while he is completing his training.”
“Our wedding was in the US and the friend maybe spent a total of $500 attending, flight, Airbnb, suit.”
“He didn’t get us a gift ;-).”
“The Wedding is very small, my husband is one of 3 friends invited, the rest of the people there will be family.”
“My husband says the reason I am saying he can’t go is because I am ‘jealous’.”
“F*ck yeah I am jealous! “
“I haven’t traveled in years, which I love doing.”
“I sacrifice so much for him to ‘follow his dream’, and he wants to pull a significant amount of money out of our dwindling savings to leave me alone with both kids for a week while he galavants with friends through Europe???”
“This is f*cked up right??”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was well within their rights for refusing to let her husband attend the wedding, and that they were in no way the a**hole for doing so.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s husband has not earned going on a vacation he can’t afford, with some even feeling that the OP might want to re-evaluate how healthy their marriage is.
“He’s a husband and a father and he has to prioritize things.”
“Those priorities do not include traveling across the world for a party with money you don’t have.”-Hi_Im_Dadbot.
“So you’re the primary breadwinner AND the primary caregiver?”
“That’s a lot of money just to go to a wedding.”
“You’re right to be upset OP.”
“Marriage is a two-way street.”
“It’s great that you’re supporting him while he’s training, but this is not the time for him to take an expensive trip and him and his friend should understand that.”-curiouscapybara1989.
“NTA, but sorry, from all you have described, I fear this marriage is doomed once he establishes himself in his new career.”
“I have never on these subs ever seen an example where this worked out.”
“That was your house, alone.”
“It used to be well-known that spouses should never pay for their partner’s education as a doctor.”
“Sadly this seems to generalize.”- jphamlore.
“Does this man actually bring anything to the table?”
“He sounds unbearable.”-BiGtHiCkBoYaSs.
“Its simple economics.”
“He cannot afford to go.”- parkadge.
“Gosh the more I read, the more depressed I feel.”
“Are you sure this guy is worth the bet?”
“Your life sounds like a grinding, draining treadmill.”
“YOU need a holiday, not your husband.”
“Book a solo 3 day spa weekend immediately!”- Aliceroo76.
“But it doesn’t sound like the wedding is your main problem.”
“It’s more a symptom of the problem.”
“It reads to me that you don’t feel appreciated by your husband for the sacrifices you have made to let him follow his dream.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, have you told him the stuff you wrote in your post?”
“Or was this sort of a venting session online so that you wouldn’t say it to him?”- murphyg5.
“Has he made one single, solitary sacrifice for YOU?”
“Or does he think you work for him?”- KetoLurkerHere.
“Who the hell does he expect to pay for this?”
“That’s really the only thing I see here that really makes a difference.”
“Let me explain.”
“It already seems like he’s not doing jack sh*t as far as raising the kids and keeping up the home.”
“As selfish as he’s already being, there’s not much of a difference in that regard.”
“He’s bringing home ~$500 a month.”
“As a grown a** man, he should be ashamed of the miserable pittance he’s bringing home.”
“That being said, the cost of this trip would probably mostly come from what you contribute to the household income and again he should be ashamed to ask this of you.”
“No, you’re NTA, but I feel like if he’s insistent on going, you should tell him to ask his friend if he can join their marriage and serve him divorce papers.”- allthewayyurnt.
“Sheesh you are taking on a lot for him to go back to school and work towards his dream.”
“He really should have more common sense than to ask this of you.”
“He is incredibly selfish to expect so much of you.”
“The wedding is about the couple, and not him.”
“He doesn’t have to be there.”
“Anyone that plans a destination wedding, cannot expect people to have the ability to come.”-Talathia.
“You are not the only one who is supposed to make sacrifices for your family.”
“You are doing everything possible to help him achieve his dreams, It’s unfair that on top of all that he also expects to go on vacation while you take care of the kids.”
“Your husband is incredibly selfish and I’m so sorry to tell you this, but I highly doubt you will have a future with this man after he has established his career.”
“His only priority seems to be himself and he isn’t putting any effort in his family.”- kami892.
“NTA You cannot afford it ergo he cannot go.”
“This is called being an adult.”
“He can want to go, that doesn’t mean you have the means for him to go.”
“Him calling your jealous is just spiteful and immature.”- pfashby.
“Personally, I’d tell him he chooses his friend’s marriage or his own.”- gingerneko.
“Totally off yet on topic, but you have way bigger fish to fry than Europe.”
“And if he does go to Europe, please file for divorce.”- throwawaymwd.
“NTA you guys can’t afford the luxury of him attending this wedding.”
“He needs to grow up.”- Fragrant-Algae1945.
“But honestly, why are you surprised?”
“According to you, you’re basically already doing 100% of the childcare, household chores, and paying all the bills.”
“He’s used to doing what he wants while you take care of all the responsibilities.”
“You need to change the tone of this relationship asap!”-lady_410100.
It is pretty surprising that the OP’s husband wouldn’t think twice about going on a trip he can’t afford without his breadwinning spouse.
Here’s hoping he might realize how ungrateful he came across after a conversation.
Otherwise, his marriage might be on thin ice, and finding another spouse willing to support him so he can follow his dreams would be very challenging indeed.