Asking for help, or accepting help is never an easy thing to do.
Even so, no one should ever feel shame or embarrassment when they find themself in a place that requires them to ask for help, be it from your family or friends.
Things do become problematic, however, when people constantly expect help from others or show little to no gratitude toward the people who come to their rescue.
Redditor Ok-Background8236 was very grateful to receive assistance from his parents after returning to graduate school.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s boyfriend was taking advantage of the help the OP’s parents were providing.
When the OP confronted his boyfriend about this, he was anything but understanding.
Wondering if he was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my boyfriend to stop eating so much?”
The OP explained why he was becoming more and more frustrated by the free reign his boyfriend had taken of his refrigerator:
“So some backstory.”
“During my (28 M[ale]) undergrad years, my parents paid for my grocery bills because they really (rightfully so) believed that good food is important to a students health.”
“I know, my parents are awesome.”
“They never set a monthly limit to how much I could spend, but I was really frugal and never went over a $200 limit I imposed on myself.”
“Now I’m back in grad school for my masters, and my parents are covering again.”
“I know, I’m an adult with a few years of work under my belt now, but not having to worry about groceries lets me chip at rent and loans and other bills without losing sleep.”
“I’m back on my extremely frugal way of eating and meal planning because still not gonna take advantage of my parents generosity.”
“My (27 M) boyfriend, however, basically inhales all my food every time he’s over.”
“Like eating all my snacks and legit every frozen meal, all the meat, one time he even ate the other half of a cheese I had already bit into(?!), etc, so he’s basically wolfing down my dinner and lunch.”
“It’s forced me to open my own wallet to accommodate him (because not gonna send my parents a suddenly huge grocery bill) and he’s seriously messing up my finances.”
“I plan basically down to the dollar.”
“We got into arguments and his side is : basically that my parents are gonna cover anyway so I need to stop spending my own money and not worry so much.”
“And when I go over to his house I eat his food too (but I don’t eat as much as he does?)”
“My arguments are: just because my parents are covering doesn’t mean he can eat anything he wants?”
“He legit eats my whole fridge I’m not even joking.”
“The only thing he leaves are the vegetables.”
‘And he could eat less?”
“When we go out he often has leftovers so why eat everything at my place?”
“I’ve banned him from cooking and using the raw ingredients at my place and I’m only giving him my small stash of snacks when he comes over and after the third time he’s not talking to me.”
“Honestly this is such a stupid fight but if I am TA then I’ll apologize.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for telling his boyfriend to stop eating his food.
Everyone agreed that contrary to what the OP said, this was not a “stupid fight”, as the OP’s boyfriend was taking flagrant disadvantage of his parents’ generosity, something the OP was making every effort to avoid doing.
“I consider it a character flaw when someone freely spends others money.”
“Who is he to decide how your parents should spend their money.”
“Why is HE entitled to their money or yours?”
“He is effectively trying to reach into another’s wallet.”
“If he wants to eat – he can pay for food – there is no other moral option.”
“I have a lovely niece who has two kids and doing a great job.”
“Every week we had family dinner and I would be sure she left with a mountain of leftovers – no cooking, cleaning, shopping for her 4 nights a week.”
“Then she gets a new boy toy, and he literally started waiting at their house on family dinner night.”
“He would eat it ALL.”
“No money for groceries, no take out, no help with bills – just eat and run.”
“I was enraged at him and pretty annoyed with her.”
“Fortunately, I found out he was allergic to seafood and family dinner became a seafood bounty.”
“He is wrong and, more importantly, he is telling you something really important about his character.”
“Are you listening?”
“NTA, NTA, NTA.”- venturebirdday
“NTA.”
“your boyfriend is inconsiderate as hell and it feels like he is more just using you as a food bank so he doesn’t have to spend as much money on his own food and it feels like he will likely extend this to other things the more your relationship progresses.”
“Also, your boyfriend is being completely inconsiderate of your own parents and by extension feels like he is entitled to do as he pleases through you while actively exploiting you and leaving you hungry.”- Maleficent_Night_335
“NTA.”
“While he is your partner, he is also a guest in your home and it’s just poor manners to eat someone out of house and home.”
“By all means, open the snack cabinet to him, but there should be a reasonable expectation that your groceries will last beyond him coming over for a day or two.”
“It’s also extremely tacky to say that it’s all good because your parents foot the bill.”- coastalkid92
“This is more of a problem than him eating your food.”
“He feels entitled to your food/possessions.”
“He feels entitled to your parent’s finances!”
“He doesn’t care that he leaves little for you.”
“He hasn’t apologized.”
“He doesn’t care about your feelings/opinions/wants/needs.”
“HE’S A GREEDY A-HOLE!”
“NTA.”- 3bag
“NTA.”
“If he’s eating loads of food at your place, he should be contributing towards it.”
“He’s using you for free food because your parents are paying.”- zoobatron__
“Ew!”
“NTA.”
“His entitlement is very concerning.”
“This is not someone that is compatible with your goals of planning and being frugal.”
“This is how he would be in a marriage.”
“Do you want that?”- SnooRecipes9891
“NTA.”
“Your parents cover YOUR groceries, not the groceries of the entire neighborhood and their friends.”
“If he needs more than you have in your budget, he is basically using your food money to supplement his income.”
‘Because whatever you are paying more, he is paying less.”- Jocelyn-1973
Upon reading everything the Reddit community had to say, the OP later returned with an update, sharing what the future of his relationship had in store:
“Wow this blew up.”
“Spent my morning thinking this over lol.”
“But here’s some updates.”
“Some people are worried about the $200 a month, that was ten years ago when I was in undergrad, sorry for the confusion.”
“It’s closer to $300-400 now, and some months when I get my school’s student food bank (I only go if they have too much because I know there’s people that actually need it) and it’s like $0-100.”
“So I guess it’s $250-350 average?”
“But yeah, I’m doing alright.”
“I didn’t mention this but I did cover part of my parents mortgage when I was working after my bachelor’s (some people made comments about me leeching off my parents – I am right now but I did help them too….)”
“My parents are angels and they know my friends’ birthdays and always tell me to take them out during those months so they’re ok with paying for my boyfriend but I’m not.”
“Even during undergrad when I dated another guy I thought I wanted to one day marry I never used their money on him.”
“I don’t use their money on anyone but myself.”
“Does that make me selfish?”
“Maybe.”
“But honestly I don’t really care.”
“Lots of people are telling me to dump him.”
“Honestly the spark wasn’t there anymore for a while because we’ve been fighting over this and some other stuff for months and a lot of people are telling me this is a respect issue more than a stupid fight like I thought.”
“I’m gonna think about how to approach this since he’s just ignoring me now lol.”
“But yeah, think letting this relationship go might be the right move.”
“I think I knew already knew, but sometimes it’s hard even if you know it’s the right thing to do, y’know?”
A relationship is a partnership, requiring an equal amount of give and take between both members of the couple.
From the sound of it, it seems that the OP’s boyfriend doesn’t have much concern for anyone other than himself.
Making it hard to argue with those, including the OP, who feel that maybe this relationship has run its course, and it’s time to come to an end.