Keeping a secret can be a stressful, sometimes dangerous endeavor.
Indeed, knowing information that is not for everyone to hear can lead to feeling just about every possible emotion.
Sometimes it’s fun to keep a secret, as you know you will eventually share what you know, and revealing your news is guaranteed to make everybody happy.
Other times, knowing what even you weren’t supposed to know can lead to sleepless nights and anxiety attacks.
It is so bad that you might have no choice but to spill the beans.
Redditor Double_Assistance281 was very excited about the upcoming nuptials of his older sister.
However, the original poster (OP) was astonished to learn that his sister hadn’t told her fiancé something that would seriously affect her marriage.
When it seemed clear to the OP that his sister wasn’t going to tell him before they said “I do”, the OP took it upon himself to reveal his sister’s secret to her fiancé.
Potentially putting an end to their wedding.
After being scolded by his entire family for his actions, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my sister’s fiancee that she is infertile?”
The OP explained why he felt he had no other choice but to reveal his sister’s secret:
“I will try to keep this as simple as possible.”
“My 26 M[ale] sister Emma 29 F[emale] was very sick in high school.”
“Her choice was either to die young or be able to conceive children.”
“It was a hard decision for her and she doesn’t like to talk about it.”
“She has been dating Adam, 29 M, for about six years and he is really nice.”
“The whole family loves him.”
“He proposed to her last year and they were planning to marry in March next year.”
“But here is the problem, Adam really wants children.”
“He always plays around with our little cousins at family events and talks about what he wants to do and teach his future children.”
“We always thought that they were just going to be adopting so we never brought it up.”
“But since the engagement, I have noticed that he always talks about them as their children, as in biological.”
“I don’t know how to explain it but it didn’t seem like they were going to adopt a child.”
“After thinking about it for a while I decided to talk with Emma about it.”
“I asked her out and gently brought up the topic.”
“She did seem a bit angry about me mentioning it but she explained to me that Adam treats adoption the same as giving birth and that he is happy all the same.”
“It sounded believed, but I know my sister, she was lying.”
“During the entire conversation she could not look me in the eye.”
“After a month I finally decided to talk to Adam.”
“This Sunday we were gathered at my parents house for dinner and while everyone was busy and we were alone I asked Adam how the adoption proceedings were going.”
“Were they going to start now or after they got married.”
“He looked surprised, and asked me what I was talking about.”
“I mentioned how he wants many kids so they should probably be starting with the whole process early.”
“He asked me if Emma wants to adopt a child because they had never talked about it.”
“Since my parents were returning, I asked him to talk to me later.”
“Around the end of dinner, I asked him for some help with my phone and led him to the balcony, and I was honest with him.”
“I asked him if he knew Emma couldn’t have children.”
“At first, he thought I was joking, but when he saw that I was serious, he got this dead look on his face.”
“I told him some of the details and said that it would probably be best if he talked with Emma for the full story.”
“He was quite for the rest of the evening.”
“When they got home they apparently got in a major fight.”
“I know that he is currently staying with friends and asked for the ring back but nothing else.”
“Emma hates me.”
“And our parents are mostly on her side and think that I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing. This is such a huge secret to keep from your future partner, but maybe it really wasn’t my place to say anything.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community ultimately stood behind the OP and agreed that he was not the a**hole for telling Adam that Emma was infertile.
While most people agreed that the OP was right, in that it wasn’t his place to say anything, they also agreed that Emma was wrong for being dishonest, and it was better Adam knew before they got married than after:
“NTA.”
“Though I think I would’ve first told my sister ‘I know you’re lying, either you tell him the truth or I will’ but honestly she had 6 years to tell him.”
“The guy needed to know.”- CinderellaGoneCrazy
“NTA.”
“I’m struggling with this because it is obviously such a big betrayal of your sister.”
“It wasn’t your secret to tell.”
“And yet, marrying someone while leading them on about something that can never be.”
“That seems like an even bigger betrayal.”
“He deserves to know.”
“She deserves someone to love, and to raise children with, but it has to be someone she is honest with about how they are going to do it.”
“Emma hates you, but you did the right thing.”
“Hopefully, Adam will forgive her, and they can live happily ever after with their adopted children.”
“But the chances of that would have been much higher if she had been honest with you.”
“Remember, she also lied to you in saying that she had talked with Adam about this.”
“And as a result, her lie made it almost reasonable for you to talk to him about it.”
“I mean, she said that she had told him, so what was there for you to reveal?”
“So Emma seems to be chalking up additional ahole points, and I’m feeling even more forgiveness for you here.”- SushiGuacDNA
“NTA.”
“Emma told you that Adam knew about her infertility.”
“She lied to you just as she lied to Adam, but you can tell her and your parents that you sincerely thought you could broach the subject with him.”
“Of course they all know that Emma lied in the first place, to him and to you.”
“Her marriage would have gone down the drain after a few years, once the truth came out.”
“The ideal would have been complete honesty on Emma’s part, but your betrayal of her (because I know she will consider it a betrayal) is nothing, compared to her betrayal of Adam.”- Mapilean
“I prob going to be the later here and say your NTA.”
“Most ppl will say you are that it was not your business to tell, but I’m of the firm belief that you had every right to tell.”
“She was lying to him and trying to trap him in a marriage knowing she could not give him the one thing he wanted.”
“If she had been up front and they decided together that it was ok and adoption was fine then that is different but they didn’t she lied.”
“I’m sorry she’s your sister, but she is getting what she deserves because you cannot start a marriage with lies.”
“I hope your parents wake up because letting her think this is ok is wrong.”
“You did the right thing of that. I have no doubt bc I cannot have kids, and my husband knew way before we even started talking about marriage.”
“It was one of the first things I told him.”- charmedvampgirl
“Once your sister told you that they were adopting you were clear to talk to the fiancee about that.”
“The fact that he knew nothing about it wasn’t up to you.”
‘Yes you suspected your sister was lying about adoption but that’s whatever.”
“NTA.”- naraic-
“Yes, it’s true that it wasn’t your secret to tell.”
“However sister has had 6 years of knowing this guy wants a family and is very excited about having a family.”
“She should have come clean the first time kids came up.”
“For me, the lying is the bigger issue here.”
“Lying is never the answer, and it was better to have it out now rather than put this poor guy through a marriage based on lies and a bitter divorce later.”
“So while everyone but the poor fiancee sucks, I’ll give you an NTA because you, at least, were honest with the dude while the rest of the family supported the lie.”-WanderingGnostic
Love should always be the driving force behind choosing to get married.
However, it is also important to know that you and your partner are at least marginally on the same page about your future and family planning before committing to one another.
It’s very sad, indeed, that the OP’s honesty seems to have prevented Emma’s wedding.
However, it’s also all but certain that had the marriage gone on as planned, Emma’s lies would have eventually ended it.