Far too many people still have antiquated views when it comes to masculinity.
Believing that for someone to be a “Real Man”, they would have to behave a certain way, dress in certain clothes, and like certain things.
Though more often than not, those who hold these questionable beliefs as to what defines “manliness” only do so because they feel insecure themselves.
Redditor Ambitious-Salad-2081 found himself under attack by a stranger in a waiting room, who accused him of being insufficiently manly owing to a specific cosmetic choice.
Things eventually became heated when this pestering stranger would not stop talking about the original poster (OP)’s apparent lack of masculinity.
Concerned he behaved inappropriately, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling a Man ‘I don’t care’ when he tried to give me advice about life?”
The OP explained how all his efforts to remain patient eventually wore out when this mystery man continued to criticize his lack of masculinity.
“I (25 M[ale]) was in the doctor’s waiting room when this happened.”
“I was sitting minding my own business on my phone when a man in some where in his 30s or 40s sat next to me.”
“His arm accidentally bumped mine when putting his on the arm rest, the chairs were insanely close together, and he apologized.”
“I said it was fine then went back to my phone.”
“He took a look at my arm and asked me why I shaved because that’s not normal for a man to do that.”
“I didn’t think anything much of it so I explain that I originally started because I did dance as a kid and I never stopped because I like the smoothness of it.”
“He looked confused and asked why I even considered doing dance in the first place if I was going to shave for it since shaving my arms isn’t masculine.”
“I repeated that I just like it, I don’t care if it’s masculine or not.”
“I honestly couldn’t care less.”
“His reply: ‘Well how are you ever going to date if you do this shit?'”
My reply: ‘I’m actually already married.”
“My wife doesn’t care that I shave, she actually likes it and if I stopped she wouldn’t care.”
“It’s not that big of a deal, why are you asking?'”
“He went on about how straight women want a masculine man and that I needed to be masculine if I wanted to date women.”
“I dress masculine so I consider myself masculine, I didn’t see his issue.”
“Eventually I got tired and said ‘If you need hair to be attractive that sounds like a you problem, maybe go to the personality mechanic you chunky bubble guppy’.”
“He got offended and the teenager next to me laughed.”
“My brother later on said I shouldn’t have offended him so now I’m wondering if I went too far.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for clapping back.
Everyone agreed that the man’s old fashioned, closed-minded views of masculinity deserved to be called out.
“NTA.”
“Ironic I know coming from the sub, but people need to keep their opinions to themselves.”
“Unless asked.”- Embarrassed-Sweet905
“NTA.”
“I’m adding ‘chunky bubble guppy’ to my vocabulary.”- FastCamp5027
“NTA.”
“When someone decides that they can comment on your body without any invitation to do so, they’ve forfeited the expectation of a civil response.”
“You remained cordial about it longer than I would have.”- rapt2right
“NTA.”
“His comments sound rude.”
“Even if they didn’t you would not be TA.”
“You don’t have to listen to anyone if you don’t feel like it honestly, sometimes the peace and quiet is better.”- evanp36
“NTA.”
“Whenever a stranger gives you unsolicited advice, you are instantly NTA for ignoring it or telling them off when they get pushy.”- lostalldoubt86
“NTA.”
“Lol.”
“Kudos.”- 9okm
“NTA.”
“But maybe you should have answered that your wife really didn’t want you dating so the lack if hair wasn’t an issue.”- NotSunny813
“Naw, you’re good, he deserved it.”
“NTA.”- fatolderlady2
“NTA.”
“His feelings aren’t your responsibility and he should’ve never harped on you with his views.”
“F that.”- Fire_or_water_kai
“NTA he definitely earned it.”- EvilEyeV
“NTA.”
“You tried to let it be and he kept pushing forward.”
“Despite you being rude as well, it was justified in this case.”- rjhancock
“NTA.”
“He was being a huge bloating asshole trying to push his fragile masculinity onto you, and you rightfully called him out on it.”
“Have an internet fist bump.”- BlommeHolm
“My go-to reply to anyone saying anything that sounds like this is ‘a real man does whatever the fuck he wants’.”
“Also NTA.”- ilikedmatrixiv
“NTA.”
“And loved your reply lol why constantly ask about someone else’s shaving habits so strange why do they need to know xD.”- Churchie-Baby
“NTA.”
“WTF?”
“Who actually criticizes a complete strangers body like that?”
“Then to tell you it’s not masculine?”
“I know a lot of women who love shaved men, I myself don’t find overly hairy men appealing.”
“He got what he deserved!”
“Chubby bubble guppy is my new favorite BTW!”- IndependentShelter92
“NTA.”
“LMAO go off, men need to be put in their place.”- moldog737
“NTA.”
“What he said was highly judgmental and doesn’t take into consideration the many reasons people might have no hair on their body for no fault of their own such as alopecia.”- Acceptable-Wrap-6724
“NTA but why is the format so weird on this post?!”
“At the beginning, I mean.”- universalbluff
“NTA, buddy needs to learn to mind his own business, you never asked for his opinion.”-ShadyVermin
“NTA when being polite didn’t work, telling him off did.”
“Also that was hilarious.”- PurbleDragon
“NTA.”
“What on earth is a chunky bubble guppy?”
“Whatever it is I love it as an insult.”-TheHalfHandedHobbit.
“Lol, NTA.”
“And good for you for speaking up.”
“Some people just need to mind their own business.”- purplehippobitches
“NTA.”
“If someone does this kind of thing to me, I always make direct eye contact and say ‘Hey, don’t talk to me’ and it usually unnerves people enough that they stop.”- philmayf
“If you had jumped straight to an insult, I might have been inclined to say E S H.”
“But you didn’t.”
“You answered/deflected politely THREE times and he wouldn’t drop it.”
“If you can’t take the hint after 3 times, you deserve an insult.”
“NTA.”- etds3
“Your bother is just jealous you handled yourself so well, and this man is promoting toxic masculinity, NTA.”- GoPeeOutside
“NTA and I hope your brother learns that enforcing boundaries is healthy and spines are a natural and useful part of human anatomy.”- ScreamInHeart
“NTA.”
“He, a f**king stranger, was rudely trying to impose his ridiculous and rigid gender beliefs on you.”
“You were way more patient than I would have been, I think.”
“He sounds like a bully who ran out of people to sh*t on so he started to pick on a stranger in the waiting room of a doctor’s office.”
“That’s weird and rude as hell.”
“Especially given the content of what he was saying.”
“Screw that guy.”
“He deserved everything you said and worse.”
“NTA.”- Aggravating-Humor-63
“NTA.”
“He was being a d*ck, you responded at like 20% of his a**hole levels.”-moosepoints
“‘Bubble guppy’.”
“That is my new favorite phrase!”
“NTA.”
“He’s probably single and in the closet.”- Guess_What_I_Think
“NTA.”
“You chunky bubbly guppy amazing words for him and his unneeded remarks.”-Denuse99
“NTA.”
“Ew, that man was way out of line.”
“I will also be stealing the ‘chunky bubble guppy’ phrase.”
“Thought you ought to know.”- BooksCoffeeDogs
“Totally NTA.”
“None of his business.”
“Also a bit weird that he was looking at your arms that closely.”
“Does make you wonder about some people.”- Remarkable-Dig-6876
“NTA.”
“He had no business even asking, but you were conversing with him to be polite.”
“Since the doctors waiting rooms in my area are still using the social distancing policies, and have that posted and usually even on the chairs, I would imagine he sat next to you just to make that comment.”
“However, I do hope to be in a situation someday where I can call someone a chunky bubble guppy LOL.”- Curious_Discussion63
“You should t have offended him?”
“Good thing you’re a secure, strong man because he was being insanely offensive.”
“NTA.”- EntertainerFlat
Some people just can’t mind their own business, nor do they have a thick enough skin to handle getting a taste of their own medicine.
Even if the OP could have used more polite words, it truly seemed he had no other choice, as none of his more cordial requests for the man to keep quiet seemed to work.
One only hopes this man will keep his antiquated opinions about what it is to be a man to himself going forward.