Content Warning: Sexual Harassment, Human Resources
Work is one of those places where most would do as much as possible to stand out and to impress those who could help them advance in their career.
Boundaries are just as important to hold in settings like this, though, if not even more so, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Haunting-Teach-2326 enjoyed her place of work, other than how her manager treated her.
After he pushed her boundaries too far, the Original Poster (OP) decided to speak up about his behavior, even if it would impact her role in the company.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for reporting my manager and getting him fired after he repeatedly made sexual comments towards me?”
The OP loved her job until she had to start working with Dan.
“I (27 Female) work in marketing for a mid-sized tech company. I’ve been here for about three years, and it’s a demanding but rewarding job.”
“I’ve always felt comfortable with my coworkers until a few months ago when my manager, Dan (40s Male), started acting in ways that made me deeply uncomfortable.”
“It started small. Dan would give me compliments that felt overly personal, like, “You’ve got such a magnetic presence,” or, “You’re the reason clients trust us you’re the total package.”
Dan’s behavior gradually got worse and more concerning for the OP.
“I brushed it off at first, thinking maybe I was reading too much into it. But the comments kept coming, and they got worse.”
“During meetings, he’d make jokes about my appearance, like, ‘We should send you to the client meetings you’d close any deal with that smile.'”
“Everyone would laugh awkwardly, and I’d just sit there, feeling exposed.”
“I told him privately that his comments were inappropriate and made me uncomfortable, but he shrugged it off, saying, ‘Come on, I’m just joking you need to lighten up.'”
But when Dan’s behavior escalated to touching, the OP knew she had to do something.
“The situation escalated at a work happy hour. Dan had been drinking and was acting even more inappropriate than usual.”
“He cornered me when I was at the bar, leaning in way too close and saying things like, ‘You’re the kind of woman who distracts men just by walking into a room.'”
“I was already planning to leave, but before I could step away, he touched my a**.”
“I was frozen for a second, then just mumbled something, and walked away. I went home that night feeling furious and violated, but also unsure of what to do.”
“I spent the weekend thinking about it and finally decided I couldn’t stay silent anymore.”
“That Monday, I reported everything to Human Resources (HR). I detailed all the comments, the physical contact, and even provided the names of people who witnessed his behavior. HR took it seriously, and after an investigation, Dan was fired.”
The office did not take the change well.
“Since then, my workplace has been tense. Some coworkers have supported me, saying they’re glad I stood up for myself. But others especially those who were close to Dan have accused me of overreacting.”
“One person even said, ‘It was just a tap, and now his whole career is ruined. You could’ve handled it another way.'”
“I feel relieved that he’s gone and that I don’t have to deal with his behavior anymore, but I also feel guilty about the fallout. Dan had a family, and with the holidays coming up, I know this is going to impact them, too.”
“AITAH for reporting him and getting him fired?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that the only one ruining a career was Dan himself.
“Poor Dan. He’s ruining his whole career because he couldn’t NOT touch someone else or stop sexually harassing them. So sad.”
“The next person who says you should have handled it differently. Ask exactly what that looks like.”
“HOW should I have handled it differently? EXACTLY what would you suggest? Draw me a diagram.”
“NTA.” – grayblue_grrl
“It would have cost Dan $0 to keep his hands to himself and his mouth shut. If this ruins his career it’s because companies are (rightly) wise enough to not hire someone who could get them sued for creating a hostile work environment.”
“I think OP should start reversing the question. ‘Why do I have to handle a man sexually harassing me another way? Would you put up with it if (insert male client) came up to you and grabbed your a**?'”
“If OP didn’t step up now, then there’s no way Dan would have stopped touching her. She did the right thing.” – ConstructionNo9678
“Human Resources (HR) COULD have left it at a stern warning and some mandatory sensitivity training, but HR fired him after investigating and speaking with him.”
“His behavior was escalating, and you had tried to handle it speaking one-on-one, without results.” – Theost520
“If it was a one-off thing, then the first option this person mentioned is probably the route Human Resources (HR) would have taken.”
“But HR fired him.”
“He probably has a history of this. He’s probably done it to other women in the past or even ones you work with now, except his sexual assault wasn’t as obvious as it was with you.”
“His being so open about assaulting you is probably why his friends are targeting you because the other women who faced this it wasn’t as open or as frequent.”
“HR fires for a good reason.” – Choice_Outcome274
“Heck, usually Human Resources would fire the person who REPORTED, or otherwise do their best to keep a manager who’s been there a while. If they actually fired him, I have to imagine he’s been having multiple reports against him at this time, or a mountain of evidence.” – Drakka15
“NTA. If he wanted to keep his job, he wouldn’t go around making these jokes and touching you.” – nyithraprorad
“ABSOLUTELY NTA! He f**ked around and found out.” – La_Baraka6431
“He’s your manager, who else are you supposed to tell so it stops other than Human Resources (HR)? No other way to handle it than to involve HR since telling him personally didn’t cut it for him.”
“If you threatened him with telling HR, he would have likely just said take it easy and then started plotting to get you out or make your life harder. He could have taken it more personally since ‘who are you to threaten a manager with HR?’ mindset.”
“When s**t like that happens, you tell HR to protect yourself and others right away. A manager had no biz acting like that, super unprofessional and quite disgusting.”
“Good job! You should feel proud.” – alfrootux
Others agreed and urged the OP to stay away from Dan’s supporters.
“There is no other way to solve this sh*t show. If you do it, do it right, and this is what OP did.”
“OP should have a conversation with Dan’s friends. I wonder if they are condoning and downplaying sexual assault in the workplace. If so this maybe should be reported, as well.”
“These clowns need their a**es set on fire as well, it seems that’s the only way to make sure they get the message.” – u399566
“‘It’s just a tap’ people aren’t living every day uncomfortable.”
“Thank you for doing what some don’t have the guts to do. We need more people like you.”
“This is Dan’s fault ONLY. He’s the predator ONLY.”
“Thank you for being strong. NTA.” – WtfChuck6999
“You did the right thing. He was gradually pushing the limits and needed to stop before it escalated even more. Anyone that is giving you a difficult time about the situation, I would go low contact or no contact.” – lchornet
“Sexual harassment, and now a volatile work environment. Tell Human Resources you are being harassed because of what you did and that they’re openly supporting a harasser’s history over your safety.” – Consistent-Sky-2584
“NTA. Grabbing your a** was 100% unacceptable, and reporting him was the right move. Keep track of absolutely everything that happens in the aftermath. If certain people treat you differently, take note, and if it looks like it’s going to become a hostile work environment, start looking for a new job.”
“I’d say, best case scenario really. If you’d reported him before, he may not have been fired, and you’d have to deal with him still being around.”
“His wife deserves to know she married to a predator, so let’s hope the impact makes her pay attention to *why* he no longer has a job. He might have been abusing his authority for years; he certainly planned to with you.” – Sinacias
“You did the brave thing and probably saved other women from the same treatment in the future. He’s disgusting, and the fact that when you made a boundary, he belittled your concerns and kept doing it is really frightening. Probably not the first time.” – No-Cold6085
Though it was likely hard to come forward and share what she had been experiencing, it was important for the OP to be honest about what was happening in the office so it wouldn’t happen again.
It may have severed Dan’s career overnight, but the fact that he decided to behave this way after being asked not to placed the responsibility totally in his hands instead of the OP’s.