Every marriage has its secrets even if you refuse to believe it.
It could be something as small as withholding information like your embarrassing childhood crush or guilty pleasure song.
On the other hand it could hold a little more weight like what actually went down at the bachelorette party or that the child your spouse raised from birth isn’t actually his.
Yeah, that last one’s a doozy, but a man on Reddit is navigating that recently-outed secret right now, so he turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors after he chose to divorce his wife after she made the revelation.
Redditor No-Bottle4059 asked:
“AITAH for starting the divorce process after finding out my daughter isn’t mine?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My life feels like a bad drama show at the moment.”
“For some context me(33/M[ale]) and my wife (30/F[emale]) have been married for 7 years and what i thought was our daughter is 3.”
“Looking back this all started after my wife gave birth to her daughter.”
“She suddenly became a lot more affectionate to me was a lot more active with me in the bedroom life.”
“She also made my favorite desserts a lot more often(she is an fantastic baker).”
“I of course didn’t suspect anything since even prior to her pregnancy there were no signs of cheating but also possibly could be that just didn’t look close enough into it.”
But then OP’s wife came clean.
“Well this whole fiasco started 2 weeks ago after a day out with her daughter and she just sat me down in the evening and came clean about the fact that her daughter wasn’t mine her waterworks of course also started and apparently it was a guy from the gym and it lasted a month before he disappeared on her after he found out she was pregnant.”
“Honestly even typing this now i feel like crying since i thought i did everything perfectly but she still cheated.”
“As much as i wish i could say i had a stoneface or something i just started crying and she tried to comfort me but i just pushed her away i felt so disgusted with her.”
“After i had calmed down a bit i just grabbed my jacket and left for a hotel and while i was leaving she just begged and pleaded me to forgive her and that i was the only father her daughter knew.”
“After crying myself to sleep in the hotel the next day after i turned my phone back on i had seen she had blown up my phone and i didn’t read any of it and just blocked her.”
OP decided the marriage was not going to work after ingesting that new information.
“I after having a little bit of breakfast contacted a lawyer to start the divorce process and at work i just asked for some time off and my boss gave me a month off.”
But not everyone felt OP was reacting reasonably.
“By the evening my mom and sister were calling me on her behalf and were on her side and that just hurt me even more. While i’m not proud to admit this i did drink myself to sleep that night.”
“After that night i started staying with my best friend and my mom and sister kept spamming and calling me.”
And once OP started the process, things really got heated.
“A few days later after she probably got the divorce papers my mom just sent me a long text that to summarize was that i should step up and forgive her and not abandon ‘my’ daughter and that she woud disown me if i went through with the divorce.”
“My sister and mom are against me divorcing her but my best friend and his wife are saying i have the right not to want to be with her or take care of her kid.”
“I’m split on this on one hand i did raise the baby for 3 years on another i don’t know if i could in the right mind raise the reminder of my wife her affair.”
OP offered some additional information to explain why he thinks his family had an adverse reaction.
“To put some context my sister is infertile, so i think that’s also partly why my mom doesn’t want me to continue the divorce since she will lose her ‘grandchild.'”
Redditors weighed in on the situation with the overwhelming majority declaring OP is not the a**hole (NTA).
“You are not wrong, OP; she only stopped the affair because he split after finding out she was pregnant, and only after a month, she was already sleeping with him without protection.”
“I smell bullsh*t.”
“What would she have done if he had taken responsibility for the child? Most likely run off with gym guy.”
“You are her backup after he left her.”
“I’m sorry this happened to you.”
“You can still be in the child’s life, but I would get into therapy before making any other decisions, but the divorce is 100% justified NTA” – JTD177
“Nta.”
“Your wife also lied to you every single day for three years.” – SpookyRatCreature
“Even if you love the kid, it doesn’t change the fact that your wife betrayed you and lied about it for years.”
“I’d say NTA” – LukeHeart
“Alright, ask your mom and sister if they would raise their husband’s affair baby and stay with them?”
“Your stbx wife doesn’t get a hall pass just because she FINALLY confessed.”
“Although I’m genuinely curious as to what made her confess, I wonder if someone found out and threatened to tell you.”
“She lied through her whole pregnancy and for three years after.”
“It sucks, but the child is young enough now that it’s better for a clean break.”
“You can break from your unsupportive mother and sister too because fuck them for siding with a cheater. NTA” – Rowana133
“Your family taking the side of the cheating liar is hard. They may be ‘family,’ but not Family.”
“Your wife cheated, lied for years, and would have dumped you if her AP didn’t see how horrible she was when she didn’t get off on the thought of cucking you.”
“Run.” – fanastril
“NTA – Every hug and kiss you gave that little baby since one day was based on a lie.”
“You will never be able to forgive or trust your wife again.”
“If you lose your mum and sister at the same time, so be it.”
“When you were at your lowest in your life, they did not have your back and sided with your abuser.”
“Take it easy. This is going to be a tough few months.” – floatingvan
“Not your kid, not your problem.”
“Dont fall for the tears. NTA” – AdvocatingForPain
Many also noted that OP’s sister and mother should have no say in how he proceeds with his marriage.
“This happened to you. Not to your mom and not to your sister.”
“You will have to find a way to deal with this immense betrayal and pain in a way that is best for you.”
“During this healing phase, you need to surround yourself with those who support you. And block (temporarily or indefinitely) those making this hell even harder for you.”
“You will break down if you don’t.”
“You want a divorce, you get a divorce. No discussion.”
“Also, if you do want to remain in the child’s life, understand that you don’t have to be married to the mother in order to do so. (I take it you’re on the birth certificate?)”
“Remaining in the child’s life might end up being very painful for you in the future should the child decide to seek out and build a relationship with their biological father.”
“It might also be the case that the child will bring you love and happiness, albeit a complicated form of love and happiness.”
“This is something you will consider as time passes.”
“And whatever you choose is your prerogative.”
“Some will agree, some won’t. It’s not about them.”
“I‘d continue with the divorce as that seems to be your strongest instinct and take it from there.” – blablablablaparrot
“Ask your sister if she’d raise her husband’s affair baby and ask your mom if thats what she did to your dad and thats why they’re so supportive of cheating.” – Legitimate-Fudge5042
“Your mom and sister can pay to raise the kid since they are the only auntie and granny she knows…”
“I understand that the kid is innocent in all this, but not only did your wife betray you before and during the affair, but how many years was she going to let this go on??”
“Was she actually hoping that you would stay because you had been her parent for three years?”
“That time and guilt alone would force you to stay and raise another man’s child?”
“That to me, sounds like an even worse betrayal since it’s pure manipulation for financial security” – VegetableBusiness897
According to his fellow Redditors, OP is by no means in the wrong for wanting to end his marriage, which many noted was based on a lie.
Unfortunately for OP, though, he still has an upset sister and mother on his hands.