Battling weight issues is never easy.
It can be a lifetime struggle.
And a lot of the time, it takes an almost impossible level of commitment.
That commitment will put people in difficult situations, particularly when it comes to dining out.
Case in point…
Redditor macroMacroMan29 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for eating a prepped meal in my car before going into a restaurant with my girlfriend because of my strict diet?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi everyone, I’m in a bit of a difficult situation and need some unbiased opinions.”
“Over the last couple of years, I have lost nearly 80 lbs through extreme dedication to dieting and exercise.”
“It’s been a life-changing journey for me.”
“The journey started when my doctors warned me about my poor cardiovascular health because of my unhealthy eating habits and lifestyle.”
“With 30 right around the corner, I couldn’t keep being the man I was before.”
“It was a significant wake-up call.”
“I tried immediately just focusing on going hard in the gym, but I tried lifting weights without eating properly and pretty much fried my C[entral] N[ervous] S[ystem] during deadlifts, causing me to pass out at the gym.”
“It scared the hell out of me.”
“Since then, I’ve taken my health incredibly seriously.”
“I prep all my meals, and they are calculated to meet my nutritional needs for the day and keep a caloric deficit to have me on track for losing weight.”
“I’ve avoided eating out at all costs, as it feels like a slippery slope back to my old habits.”
“For me, restaurants are like relapsing on a drug.”
“One bite of a cheesesteak eggroll and I’m buying Oreos on the way home and falling off the wagon.”
“My girlfriend has been supportive of my health journey but hasn’t joined me.”
“She still cooks and eats as she did before.”
“Which is a lot of food covered in fats and sugars with a lot of calories.”
“I’m appreciative of her cooking, but I can’t eat the meals she makes most of the time.”
“It’s been a bit of a strain on our relationship, but we’ve managed.”
“So, boom.”
“The conflict arose on our anniversary last month.”
“She wanted to go out to a fancy restaurant to celebrate.”
“And, I wanted to make the night special as well, and I agreed to go.”
“I even made sure I had calories left over to have drinks with dinner.”
“However, I didn’t want to break my diet and decided to bring a prepped meal to eat in the car before we went in.”
“She discovered what I was doing and got really upset.”
“She called me an a**hole for not putting aside my diet for one night, saying I cared more about my food intake than about our special day.”
“She said that I was being selfish and that I should have been more considerate of her feelings since it’s our anniversary.”
“I feel conflicted.”
“On one hand, I understand where she’s coming from, and I didn’t mean to upset her.”
“On the other hand, I’ve worked really hard to improve my health, and I’m scared of falling back into old habits.”
“I’m 5’4″ and 297 pounds currently.”
“AITA for sticking to my diet even on our anniversary?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“Sorry, but YTA.”
“This is your responsibility to address man.”
“You have an extremely unhealthy relationship with food you need to work on, probably with a professional.”
“I get this started for the right reasons, but you have wildly overcorrected, and it seems like you are pretty firmly in E[ating] D[isorder] territory.”
“Your S[ignificant] O[ther] has been supportive and literally wanted ONE dinner out with you for your anniversary.”
“You shouldn’t be in a relationship if you can’t do this for her. It is bare minimum stuff.”
“Your mental health is important. Take care of it.”
“I hope you do because what you are describing is not sustainable or normal, and it won’t end well.”
“Please stop flooding this post with your ignorant straw man arguments that this is equivalent to asking an alcoholic or drug addict to indulge in their vice.”
“It is simply not comparable; you’re not blowing anybody’s mind, and you’re not coming across as some intelligent maverick.”
“Food is necessary to live. Food is not good or evil.”
“For alcoholics and drug addicts, the only true solution to healing is abstinence.”
“This is not the case with food.”
“You need to eat.”
“And OP’s obsession with control over his diet is simply not sustainable.”
“It is not normal or okay to not be able to eat at a restaurant for one singular meal.”
“Kudos to him for making the change, but he has gone too far when it has affected his life to this degree.”
“He needs legitimate help.”
“If he can’t relinquish control of his food intake enough to enjoy a single meal for a special occasion at a restaurant WHICH CAN BE HEALTHY, without fear of spiraling into a binge eating hole where he loses all sense of self and eats himself into oblivion.”
“He promised him SO a date night at a restaurant, and he shocked her with a brown bag meal in front of the restaurant so he could watch her eat and drink a cocktail.”
“This is not okay behavior as a partner, which is why this is YTA.”
“If he can’t handle that, he should be single.”
“Stop with the ridiculous comparisons to her asking him to drink as an alcoholic. You are so wildly off base it’s embarrassing.”
“Believe it or not, an eating disorder is harmful even if you’re overweight.”
“Nobody thinks you’re some shredded Greek God for thinking otherwise.” ~ Lifesaboxofgardens
“It’s actually the bedrock of maintaining a healthy weight.”
“Know how many calories you’ve consumed, how many are left in your daily budget, and tailor your intake ahead of time so you have enough in your calorie budget for what you want to eat/ drink at a party or fancy dinner.”
“It’s understanding you don’t have to ‘go off your meal plan’ because you’ve factored in ways to afford it.”
“It’s very similar to having a healthy relationship with money, where calories are ‘spend.'”
“You can’t spend the same coin in 2 places.”
“He wanted to spend a bit extra at dinner, so he made a plan that allowed him to afford that.”
“You were not wrong, OP.”
“Good for you!” ~ DruidMoonDancer
“At 297lbs, an unhealthy relationship with food?”
“Groundbreaking. OP has a food addiction that has gotten him to a life-threading physical state.”
“And that addiction is so much more complex than any other because you can’t stop.”
“OP does absolutely need to be in therapy, but he is NTA for knowing his triggers and avoiding them.”
“He isn’t asking his G[irl] F[riend] to change ANYTHING or make ANY sacrifice other than not watching him eat at a restaurant he is still going to with her for ONE night.”
“You wouldn’t ask a recovering alcoholic to sacrifice his sobriety for one night to please someone else, don’t do it for a food addict either.” ~ Waury
“You’re right in saying they are not the same.”
“Eating addiction is worse than alcoholism or drug addiction. Why?”
“Because you HAVE to eat to live.”
“For someone with an addiction, figuring out triggers and avoiding them is normal.”
“And the fact that he is 5’4” and 297lbs AFTER losing 80 lbs already is a huge accomplishment.”
“I don’t blame him one bit for continuing to count calories and hold boundaries.”
“And he didn’t say he wouldn’t go out with her at all. He just made accommodations so he could still celebrate with her.”
“To me, her asking him to give in for one night is her being the AH.”
“Maybe she’s jealous of the weight he’s lost.”
“I’ve seen many relationships where one is overweight or less attractive, and when that balance starts to change, the other one gets nervous that they’ll leave.”
“My vote is NTA.” ~ Traditional-Debt-551
“Healthy relationship with food?”
“He was 5ft 4in and almost 400 lbs, and you want to talk healthy relationship with food?”
“He’s nowhere close to a healthy relationship with food, so he shouldn’t be doing anything that will put him at risk or relapsing.” ~ Cloud_King_15
“Eh, that’s actually not a red flag.”
“It’s extremely common when you’re tracking food/calories for weight loss to plan for ‘special events’ by saving up calories for those treats.”
“It’s a way of acknowledging we make choices about our eating, but we can still have treats without problems if we plan appropriately.”
“It’s more about changing how we think and relate to food as we change our lifestyle to improve our overall help.”
“OP definitely does not have a healthy relationship with food, but the saving calories bit in itself isn’t a red flag.”
“Something more reasonable would be ‘I’ll take my weekly calorie/meal plans into account so I can enjoy a lovely anniversary meal at a restaurant.'”
“Restricting to only being willing to have drinks but cleaving to the diet meal plan so heavily is a symptom of OP’s overall poor relationship with food.” ~ KayakerMel
“NTA OP.”
“If your addiction were drugs, alcohol, or nicotine, all of which you can put down and never pick up again staying alive without, they’d support you.”
“But your drug is food.”
“They don’t get it. That’s fine.”
“It’s not their addiction to understand.”
“But your partner seems to be actively trying to sabotage you.”
“That, to me, is a very big deal.”
“Good luck on your journey.” ~ amagivictoria
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You have to put health first.
Stay strong.