In this day and age, if someone suggests having some vegan meals at their home, most people just expect everything to be vegan.
Eating vegan for many isn’t just about a diet, it can also be about the beliefs in not consuming meat.
This makes a lot of drama for dinner parties.
Sometimes people just have to have meat.
Redditor rocketperson47 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for bringing a meat-based product to my vegan friend’s dinner?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (22 F[emale]) was invited to a group dinner hosted by my friend Hannah (23 F), who’s vegan.”
“In the message, she said, ‘It would be awesome if you all could bring plant-based dishes so everyone can try everything.’”
“I didn’t think it was a RULE, I saw it more like a suggestion.”
“I am from Chile and my friends love our food, so I decided to bring empanadas de pino (non-vegan) and sopaipillas con pebre, which are vegan.”
“I made sure to put a visible tag that showed the vegan and non-vegan food. “
“She didn’t try any of the dishes I brought.”
“At the dinner, Hannah looked really upset and later texted me that I was really disrespectful for bringing animal products into her home.”
“I apologized, but I also didn’t think it was that big of a deal since I didn’t force her to it and I brought a food that she could also eat.”
“Also, mind you, we’ve already eaten non-vegan food there plenty of times, so I would’ve never guessed it would be such a problem.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was the A**hole.
“Your vegan friend organizes dinner and requests her friends to bring plant-based dishes so everybody can try everything.”
“You decided to bring a non-vegan dish. YTA.” ~ DoIwantToKnow6417
“This. I’m inclined to vote NAH.”
“I definitely get why the host was upset.”
“But I also get why OP thought it would be fine, based on the wording of the comment.”
“They brought their vegan contribution and then a bonus dish.” ~ Legitimate-Suit-4956
“You need to think about WHY most vegans choose to be vegan.”
“It isn’t just so they can have a fun label, they are just disgusted by the barbarity of harming animals for food.”
“So while it would be completely fine for OP to bring a meat dish to someone else’s party that Hannah happened to be attending, it’s pretty shi**y to bring a meat dish to something that SHE is hosting.”
“If she worded the message like how OP said, then I definitely agree that it could have been communicated better, but honestly it kind of seems like common sense to me to not bring something directly produced from the suffering of animals to an event hosted by someone who has devoted their life to mitigating the harm they do.” ~ PseudocodeRed
“YTA. You knew your friend was vegan.”
“She asked you politely to bring plant-based dishes so everyone can try everything.”
“You decided to bring food to your friend’s party that you knew your friend couldn’t eat, and to ignore what she said about everyone getting to try everything.”
“If you want to be invited back-ever-I suggest you apologize properly, acknowledge that was an AH move, and you won’t do it again.” ~ Enough-Process9773
“YTA. I would assume that bringing a meat dish into a vegan’s home wouldn’t be welcome, regardless of how the invite was worded.”
“And if you weren’t sure, a text to the host to clarify would take like 5 seconds.”
“I wouldn’t bring wine or beer, for example, to the home of a recovering alcoholic just because the invite didn’t specifically say not to. Know your host and plan accordingly.”
“It’s possible that those previous times that people brought meat did actually bother the host, and that’s why she specified, albeit not as clearly as she should have, to bring plant-based food.”
“For those who don’t like the alcohol analogy, someone suggested the analogy that you wouldn’t bring pork to a dinner at a Jewish household.” ~ koifishyfishy
“YTA. Even though you’d eaten non-plant-based dishes there in the past, this invite specifically asked for plant-based dishes.”
“You chose to interpret it in a different way because you wanted to make a non-plant-based dish.” ~ keesouth
Some Redditors disagreed…
“NTA. Hannah’s diction is the problem.”
“She should have written, ‘Please ensure that all dishes are vegan so that everyone can enjoy!'”
“By using ‘it would be awesome’ and ‘plant-based dishes,’ she wasn’t specific enough.”
“Some dishes *are* primarily plant-based, but neither vegan nor vegetarian.”
‘The connotation of ‘It would be awesome’ is that something would be good, but there’s no mandatory element, hence the conditional verb tense.”
“Hannah failed to clearly communicate that she wanted all dishes to be vegan.”
“That’s on her.” ~ CandylandCanada
“It was an innocent miscommunication, so NAH.”
“When a social invitation sets the parameters of the event, one should check with the host before departing from them.”
“On the other hand, she could have been a bit more direct (‘Please bring plant-based dishes…,’ or even, ‘Please respect our vegan household.’)”
“She fell into the classic trap of providing a rationale (‘so everyone can try everything’) that didn’t match the actual rationale (‘Animal products are not welcome in my home’), which invites misinterpretation.” ~ Aequinoctis
“Agreed. What OP wanted was ‘vegan dishes only.'”
“What she said was ‘bring a vegan dish.'”
“She added rationale that matches what she wanted, but not what she said.”
“OP did what the host said, but not what she wanted. NAH.”
“OP should apologize and explain that they misunderstood and thought they were doing what they were asked.” ~ wandering-monster
“NAH. You did bring one vegan dish.”
“So you did follow her request.”
“She didn’t say ‘vegan food only,’ which you would have respected and left the empanadas de pino at home.”
“You weren’t trying to be an AH.”
“She could have been clearer and explicit.”
“I know vegans and vegetarians who don’t care if I eat meat around them.”
“I’ve met others who don’t want to be around anything that’s not vegan.” ~ archetyping101
“NTA. Hannah’s diction is the problem.”
“She should have written, ‘Please ensure that all dishes are vegan so that everyone can enjoy!'”
“By using ‘it would be awesome’ and ‘plant-based dishes,’ she wasn’t specific enough.”
“Some dishes *are* primarily plant-based, but neither vegan nor vegetarian.”
“The connotation of ‘It would be awesome’ is that something would be good, but there’s no mandatory element, hence the conditional verb tense.”
“Hannah failed to clearly communicate that she wanted all dishes to be vegan.”
“That’s on her.” ~ CandylandCanada
“NTA – Her phrasing it as ‘if you could’ means she would appreciate it if you brought a vegan dish, but it’s not a requirement.”
“If it was a requirement, she should have explicitly said so and used clearer language.” ~ ChampionshipWitty705
Others disagreed…
“YTA. You know she’s vegan, and she specifically requested y’all bring plant-based dishes for everyone to try.”
“One plant-based dinner party isn’t too much to ask.” ~ creamatwinkie
“YTA… I think it’s common knowledge that vegans don’t want animal products in their homes.”
“You somehow took her polite wording as not being a clear stipulation.”
“Why would you even risk a situation like this in a vegan home?”
“It’s just not smart.” ~ RoyallyOakie
“YTA. When the host ‘suggests’ something like that, like asking you to bring something specific or take your shoes off inside, treat it as a rule.”
“I’m kind of blown away by the rudeness here – she sends a super polite reminder to bring something that everyone can eat, and you decide to bring a dish that you know the HOST HERSELF can’t eat!”
“Mind you, we’ve eaten non-vegan food there plenty of times, so I never guessed it would be such a problem.”
“Maybe she sent the reminder because she’s tired of you guys bringing food she can’t eat into her house.” ~ scorpionmittens
“YTA. She indicated that you should bring plant-based – aka vegan – food, and you chose to ignore that.”
“I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing, because in some cultures people do tend to be more forward and say exactly what they mean.”
“But in others, some are orders-framed-as-suggestions, and that is not uncommon, and that’s definitely what that sounds like to me, so going the ‘it was a suggestion, not a rule’ route comes off as deliberate and kinda petty to me.” ~ Internet-D**k-Joke
“YTA. I’d never bring anything with animal products into a vegan person’s home without asking first.”
“I think it’s just common sense.”
“Don’t get me wrong, if we meet at a restaurant or such, I’m not going to eat vegan just because they’re vegan.”
“My diet is still my diet, and my choices are my choices.”
“But their home?”
“Nope, wouldn’t do it.” ~ AltruisticCableCar
“YTA. The host made a clear request for plant-based dishes, and you know she is vegan.”
“If you wanted to bring something with meat, the proper approach would have been to reach out to her before the event and ask if she would be okay with you bringing both vegan and meat-based versions of the dish.” ~ morgaine125
“YTA. You brought a dish you knew the host couldn’t eat, after the host requested that people bring food that she could eat lol.”
“Even if you interpreted it as a suggestion rather than a demand, it’s still rude to bring something that the person who invited you can’t eat.” ~ Over_Access3602
“YTA. You already had a vegan alternative, so why was it necessary to bring the meat dish?”
“When you host a dinner party at your house, you could serve the meat dish.” ~ LegendaryChalice
“YTA. You don’t bring food to a group meal when you know that your host won’t be able to eat it.” ~ MagpieLefty
Reddit is a bit all over the place.
A majority has issues with your choices, though, OP.
Maybe next time, call ahead and double-check.
For many, the vegan situation is very personal.
You didn’t have malicious intent.
Hopefully, your friend can get past it.