Learning secrets sounds like fun in theory.
But learning secrets come with responsibility that may not be desired.
Heavy is the burden of a person who knows the whole truth.
Secrets that are not ours, can change the way we look at world, and everyone we know.
Case in point…
Redditor ThrowRA322414 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for threatening to tell my husband’s sister and her husband about the tracking device he put in her car?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Very recently, I found out that my husband had installed a tracking device in his sister’s car (he’s a mechanic) while he was fixing it for her.”
“I confronted him and he refused to tell me what was going on or expand on the situation.”
“His sister and I are close.”
“I threatened him to tell her and her husband but he lashed out saying that this has nothing to do with me and that I was out of line to get myself involved.”
“He told me ‘it’s complicated’ and that he can’t say anything to me now and that I should keep my nose out of it.”
“We had an argument and he started avoiding me saying there’s gonna be an issue if I go through with my threat.”
“AITA for threatening to tell her? Should I back off?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, but I worry does your husband also track you.”
“This is very alarming behavior and wonder what he might be hiding from you if he’s doing this to his sister.” ~ quirkygeekgirl79
“This right here.”
“If he’s tracking her he’s tracking you.”
“Dollars to donuts sister’s husband asked OP’s husband to put the tracker on her car because he thinks she’s cheating.”
“Regardless, it’s wrong and disgusting.”
“Tell her immediately and begin to rethink this marriage. NTA.” ~ cbm984
“OP, u/ThrowRA322414 telling her should be a conversation that includes safety planning for both of you.”
“Luckily for you, neither of you will have to go through this alone.”
“You get to go with a buddy, a sad/happy circumstance since this kind of situation is usually one a person face’s relatively solitarily.”
“I agree with the others who mentioned if he’s doing to her, he’s doing it to you.”
“Until you know otherwise you should assume your device is being monitored too in which case, he’s going to see and read everything you see and read.”
“Any electronic safety planning should happen on devices you don’t own on a different network than one he has access to.”
“Honestly ask yourself if you have noticed and/or ignored any red flags from him.” ~ NameIsEllie
“Thank you so much for mentioning safety planning!”
“I’m a d[omestic] v[iolence] advocate and was coming to the comments to say the same thing.”
“OP, it’s likely that your phone and computer are being monitored as well.”
“Is there a safe, 3rd party person (friend, family member, respected community figure) that the two of you can meet in a safe location?”
“I’d recommend telling your S[ister] I[n] L[aw] what’s going on when you’re not in your home or car, in case it’s already being tapped or monitored.”
“Use your safe, 3rd party persons phone to call your local DV center or county hotline.”
“They can help you with safety planning and next steps.”
“Please stay safe and take good care of yourself.” ~ Icy-Celebration-7843
“Agree with this.”
“OP, I had a friend who was murdered by her boyfriend who had put a tracking device on her car shortly before killing her.”
“Police were involved, she had a restraining order, he was arrested.”
“When he was released, several days later, he killed his girlfriend and her mother (then himself).”
“Point being: don’t f**k around with this.”
“This is not reasonable behavior on your husband’s part.”
“Let your SIL know immediately.”
“You likely want to find somewhere to stay away from your husband before this goes down.”
“And your SIL should absolutely report this to law enforcement.” ~ Investigator_Boring
“You are not the a**hole.”
Tell her.”
“It’s probably illegal and if you know and don’t say anything, you may also get into trouble if it comes out?”
“Check local laws on that.”
“Does he also have a tracker on your car????”
“I honestly would discreetly contact a divorce attorney as a preliminary step because this all sounds sketchy as hell.”
“How can you trust this guy now?” ~ natalyablue
“NTA. It’s illegal for an ordinary person to install a tracking device on someone’s car without their consent.”
“My bigger concern is that your husband threatened you when you pushed him on it.” ~ bob_fakename
“I’ve read this exact situation multiple times, and a variant involving cousins earlier today.”
“Placing unknown tracking devices is illegal in much of the U[nited] S[tates] and can carry considerable criminal penalties.”
“Your husband is the guilty party here, not whomever put him up to it.”
“He could face considerable fines and even jail time.”
“There is definitely an issue if you go through with your threat: your husband will get a criminal record.”
“You are NTA in any of this, but tread carefully.”
“This is a horrible situation your husband has put you in and, frankly, one disturbing enough that I would be considering my relationship with him.” ~ Encartrus
“NTA tell her immediately.”
“And if he’s willing to do that to his sister, he’s willing to do that to his wife too.”
“Check your stuff.” ~ elizanurrr
“NTA. You need to tell her immediately.”
“You also need to make sure your own vehicle doesn’t have a tracking device on it, which it probably does.”
“Get your important papers in order and in a place your husband doesn’t know about, get ready to leave.”
“I’m not sure what he’s up to but it’s not legal and he’s threatening you that there will be ‘issues.'”
“WTF? Get yourself somewhere safe, this is not right or normal.” ~ Caspian4136
“Hell no, NTA.”
“Not only would I tell the sister, but also probably law enforcement as that’s a blatant breach of her privacy.”
“If he’s also a licensed mechanic, he could face penalties.” ~ WholeAd2742
“He knows something.”
“It comes down to whether you trust him or if he is shady.”
“You know him, we don’t.”
“You make the call. NTA.” ~ Sea_Yesterday_8888
“This. Trying to imagine my partner doing something weird and out of character like this, and if he told me, ‘I have good reason for it that I can’t share right now, please trust me.'”
“I would give him the benefit of the doubt that there’s an extenuating circumstance at play and let it go for a while.”
“But that’s because, historically, he’s not a weirdo who does weird controlling crap on the regular.”
“If it were my sister, on the other hand, doing shady things like this, I’d tell their target because she is generally a shady person with no qualms about screwing other people over.” ~ lasting-impression
“NTA. It is a huge invasion of privacy for your husband to be tracking his sister’s whereabouts without her knowledge.”
“The fact that he won’t share the reasoning with you is also a huge red flag.”
“You’d be well within your rights to tell her.”
“Another thing to consider is that if he’s putting a tracking device on his sister, is he also doing the same to you?”
“Secret cameras inside the home?”
“It would be worth looking into.” ~ Introvertedlikewoah
“NTA. Go to a different mechanic and get YOUR car checked.”
“I bet there’s all sorts of ‘complicated’ reasons why your husband is tracking YOU as well.”
“TELL HER!”
“Maybe you can both strategically use the trackers so your husbands get screwed in the divorce.”
“This is so shady.” ~ veni_vidi_dixi
“NTA… and this may blow up your marriage but if he’s fine tracking her, I can almost guarantee there’s a tracker in your car and other places for you.”
“I saw a good comment ask his mom about it since he claims she knows.”
“He can’t be mad if you do because he told you she knows so you just wanted to share your concerns with her.”
“Also do not tell her husband because that’s probably who was actually on the phone.” ~ Calm-Association2774
“NTA. Holy s**t. This is so disturbing and wrong and he is a million percent hiding something based on his shady response.”
“You need to tell her immediately and also find somewhere safe for yourself to stay.”
“I wouldn’t trust being under the same roof as him.”
“Also would bet anything that you have a tracking device on your car too.”
“Noting how you phrased the title… I would bet that her husband approached your husband because he suspects her of cheating.”
“Either way she needs to know.”
“This is so controlling and wrong.” ~ shericheri
“NTA… it’s illegal for a starters, I’d also be checking my own car.” ~ Churchie-Baby
OP came back with some deets…
“More context: I was asked to put more context but I’m not sure what is and isn’t relevant.”
“But I found out about the tracking device when I heard him talking on the phone.”
“He said his mom was on the phone and she knew about it but I doubt it because she’s close to my S[ister] I[n] L[aw] .”
“And also, when he was talking on the phone it didn’t sound like he was talking to his mom.”
“His tone was more formal than usual.”
Well OP, Reddit is with you, and concerned for you.
It sounds like there is a lot to find out about here.
There may need to be some therapy involved and there may need to be some actions involving lawyers.
Be carful and good luck.
And good luck to the your SIL.