Having to be or choosing to be on a diet with specific and restrictive requirements can make meals with others difficult.
Oftentimes, hosts can’t always accommodate every request.
This can make for stressful get-together situations.
So, how does one make a menu for all?
Redditor Important_Present110 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to change my dinner plans based on my son’s G[irl]F[riend]?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I F[emale] (39) have a frugal lifestyle.”
“Most of the food I feed my family is grown on our farm or harvested from the woods.”
“This causes many of our meals to be some sort of game or egg, seasonal vegetables, and some cheese.”
“My son Jasper told me yesterday he is bringing his new GF Emily (19) to dinner and that she is vegan and on an alkaline diet.”
“The diet is extremely restrictive, and my meal plan, which is meticulously planned for dinner, was pork chops, potatoes, corn, and a salad.”
“After research, I asked Jasper if it would be okay if I just made her a side of some alkaline vegetables because the diet is unaffordable for me.”
“When I told Jasper, he started getting upset and saying I was not accepting and that I shouldn’t be making any meat out of respect, so I told him not to bring her over, and he became very upset.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NAH. If you can’t afford it, then you can’t afford it. Nobody can expect you to throw a fancy meal and then go hungry for the rest of the week cause you went over your budget.”
“But I do understand the son as well, as it would be awkward and unwelcoming to single out a new girlfriend with a small dish.”
“Consider meeting without food, just drinks (not necessarily alcoholic, just you know, watery stuff) and small snacks, instead of a big meal?” ~ REDDIT
“Nothing stopping him from buying and cooking food for his GF.”
“Also to dedicate how op should eat is a big a**hole.”
“She just chose not to eat meat.”
“That’s his GF.”
“OP tried her best with what she could, and if he feels any way, that’s on him.” ~ servnc*ntt
“Agreed. I tend to buy a better cut of steak than my parents (I am in my 40s).”
“When I go to their house for dinner, I buy what my family likes and get enough for my mom and dad to eat as well.”
“My dad still handles the grill, but this way, I get what I like, my parents get a special treat, and no one has to feel bad.”
“I like what I like, and they provide what they have budgeted for.”
“OP’s son is welcome to do the same.”
“He can show up with food that his girlfriend will eat, and I’m willing to bet OP’s mom would be happy to prepare it for her.” ~ AnimatorFantastic469
“Exactly! I have a son who started that special diet stuff when he was 20, and he expected us to cater to it, too.”
“Shocker for him that he had to start planning his own meals.”
“I got sick of his complaints and started making him grocery shop for himself.”
“Now he’s in college and understands that the world doesn’t revolve around him.” ~ ButterflyDC1
“I looked into the alkaline stuff to help fight my GERD, and some parts of it are just weird.”
“It’s not whether the food is acidic right now, but whether the ‘ash’ left in the stomach after digestion is finished will be acidic or alkaline.”
“Cow’s milk, for example, is alkaline when you drink it, but has an acid ash.”
“Orange juice is acidic but has an alkaline ash. Etc.”
“That said, if you only ever eat alkaline ash foods, you will still mess up your body.”
“A balance is needed.”
“And even if her diet is healthy, she doesn’t have the right to insist that everyone else eats the same thing.” ~ mynewthrowaway99
“Exactly! Let the son buy the groceries and cook the meal.”
“Girlfriend can eat however she wants but the son doesn’t have the right to make demands of Mom, especially when he’s just announces he’s bringing his girlfriend to dinner and expects Mom to cater to them.”
“I wonder if his girlfriend has these expectations or if the son is just trying to impress her.”
“Either way, he’s a jerk.” ~ RudyMama0212
“I would agree with you, up until the son suggested she shouldn’t make any meat out of ‘respect.'”
“Like what the f**k?”
“Just cause one person doesn’t eat meat, doesn’t mean everyone else should have to eat the same.”
“It’s the GFs personal choice, so she’s responsible for herself and no one else. I think OP’s son hasn’t learned this yet, but it’s definitely something that should be said to him.”
“Also, NAH of course.” ~ Apprehensive-Law-686
“Your son is TA here.”
“Does he ever cook?”
“He needs to pay for the ingredients and cook the meal if he wants something elaborate.”
“Most vegans are very understanding and appreciate any effort to accommodate them.”
“Depending on your area, a restaurant with vegan options might be a better option, but that’s also expensive.”
“Don’t blame the GF.”
“Your son is at fault. NTA.” ~ fancyandfab
“NTA. I was vegan for years and vegetarian now, and I’m always grateful when someone makes sure I’m accommodated, especially in advance like this.”
“(I’ve always held that I can’t tell people what not to cook in their own homes, and the request to cook no meat may not have come from the girlfriend—clarify that with your son!)”
“A plate of your farm-fresh vegetables sounds divine!” ~ BlockedByJax
“My son has life-threatening allergies to a bunch of stuff.”
“Sesame, all nuts, eggs, certain yeasts, so his diet is very restricted.”
“Whenever we are invited anywhere to eat, we bring his meal.”
“Every time. If you have a restricted diet, especially by choice, it’s on you to bring what you can eat.” ~ Extra-Lab-1366
“Exactly! Allergies restricting your diet are understandable.”
“I don’t cook any shellfish at home even though I grew up with lobster rolls and clam cakes because my husband is allergic, and I would never want to serve anything that could send him to the hospital, but a dietary preference is not that.”
“Catering for allergies is reasonable, but for pseudoscience ‘diets,’ nope.” ~ Outrageous_Mode_625
“NTA. Your son is AH because he is expecting you to accommodate his girlfriend with an expensive, time-consuming diet that you can’t make.”
“He’s probably old enough to buy enough ingredients to make the dinner, so why doesn’t he do it instead of forcing his mom to do it.” ~ ThatGuyWhoEatsBagels
“NTA. It sounds like you are serving potatoes, corn, and a salad.”
“Those are all vegan and should comply with her diet, so long as you don’t put butter on them (people can add that at the table).”
“If she needs another dish, she can bring it, and/or your son can prepare a dish and bring it.”
“Dictating that no one at the table should eat meat just because she doesn’t is rude.” ~ dragonsandvamps
“NTA. Tell son, ‘If your gf needs a special diet then it’s your responsibility to buy the stuff she can eat since she’s your guest’ leave him at that.” ~ curiousblondwonders
“NTA. If your son wants to organize a dinner party without doing the majority of the cooking, then tell him to plan a potluck.”
“That way, you bring one dish that’s convenient for you to make, he makes something his gf can eat, and his GF makes something she likes.”
“Everyone wins.” ~ MustangTheLionheart
“NTA. At most, one can maybe make a dish to help with this need, but if a person has chosen a dietary preference that is different than one the host does, then they can bring their own meal and should be respectful of what the host has chosen to make.”
“It’s selfish to expect an entire party to change based on one person’s decisions. The hosts and other guests have every right to choose what they want to eat as well.” ~ Piper6728
“NTA. But also, curious how many partners he’s brought before.”
“Considering how last minute it is, you’d either have to shop or – more likely – go out to eat.”
“This is just to say, that I’m wondering if ‘you’re not being accepting’ is code for ‘our way of life/ our income level is embarrassing and I want us to do something completely different so she doesn’t know how we live.'” ~ Sure-Beach-9560
“NTA – at all.”
“Offering to create a vegan meal for her to eat while the rest of the family has their normal meal, even going so far as to cater to a bulls**t pseudo-scientific fad diet, was plenty to show you respect her dietary wishes.”
“Your son, however, is in fact being an a**hole.” ~ Hiply
“NTA. Families are on a budget ESPECIALLY right now with the economy.”
“Even still, JUST BECAUSE SHE is vegan/alkaline diet doesn’t mean YOU ARE OR HAVE TO BE.”
“Maybe they should take you out to dinner at a restaurant that THEY choose because it fits in with her lifestyle.”
“To act ENTITLED to tell you ‘that you should or have to’ do XYZ when I’m assuming it’s your house and you are also paying for and supplying all of the food is beyond ridiculous.”
“Tell him that he is more than capable of buying the food and cooking it for everyone since he thinks he’s got to choose whatever he wants.”
“Your son is being ridiculous.”
“The only one who so far isn’t accepting anyone is your son (and possibly his girlfriend), though you don’t know that she is demanding this or if it’s just him being ridiculously entitled.” ~ Rightfullyfemale
“NTA. No idea what a vegan alkaline diet is but he should’ve talked to you about this weeks ago so you could plan something she could eat.”
“Instead, he waited until you had the meal planned, knowing there would be meat involved.”
“He’s inconsiderate of you and his GF is inconsiderate if she expects people to cater to this diet when vegan food is difficult for many non-vegans to figure out.”
It would be one thing if your son had come to you weeks ago with recipes his GF likes instead of surprising you with this demand.” ~ Clean_Factor9673
“NTA. What is your son doing telling you he’s bringing her for dinner?”
“He should be asking first of all.”
“Second, he knows what meals are like in your home and he’s demanding you change for her?”
“Oh hell nah.” ~ booboo773
Reddit is with you on the menu, OP.
You offered a reasonable separate option.
People with specific diet requirements should come prepared.
Your son will come to understand this.
Hopefully, this will all work out.