What’s on the menu?
Always the number one question at a family dinner.
The menu can make or break the tension in any room.
And when it comes to family dinners, nine times out of ten, there is going to be tension.
Suddenly everyone can become a food critic, with maybe a little too much venom.
Case in point…
Redditor Badassfrau to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not allowing MIL and SIL to eat my food after they made fun of it?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (35 F[emale]) had my in laws for dinner.”
“I suggested prior to the dinner that they try something that I really love, which is roasted lamb neck.”
“If you don’t know it’s very similar to ox tail.”
“Anyway, as I suggested this they expressed disgust and said no ‘they’re not savages.'”
“They suggested they cook their own dinner since they’re afraid I will cook something ‘freaky’ so I said fine, all better than cooking for everyone and went ahead and made the lamb roast.”
“Once we were on the dinner table, they noticed that the lamb looks delicious.”
“Extremely soft and juicy meat just as I explained them before.”
‘So they wanted to try it and then I said no, I cooked only enough for me and I can’t risk them becoming ‘savages.'”
“Now they are all upset and saying I ruined dinner.”
“And my friend thinks I should have let it go.”
“For context, I am from the middle east and they’re German.”
“It’s not the first time my M[other] I[n] L[aw] made comments on my food, she once called my bag of broad beans ‘chicken food.'”
“So Reddit, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Two Germans referring to food from the Middle East as being for ‘savages.'”
“They know what they’re doing.”
“It’s not food phobia or even being squeamish about unusual animal parts.”
“They’re racists.” ~ FunkyOrangePenguin
“I’m confused about the point of this comment.”
“I like both kinds of food personally, but Germany is one country and the Middle East is a whole geographic area.”
“The S[ister] I[n] L[aw] and MIL are racist but that doesn’t make German food bad just like middle eastern food isn’t for ‘savages’ just because two racists said so.”
“Both kinds of food are good in my opinion, and everyone wants to try OP’s recipe because it sounds delicious”
“Just in case: I don’t care if the commenter likes German food or not.”
“Simply pointing out that a geographic area comprised of MANY countries will naturally have more restaurants worldwide than a single country would.”
“Also in case it wasn’t clear, NTA OP.” ~ IntentionPerfect
“I’m Greek and I lived in Germany (Aachen) for months with a host family.”
“Never did they disrespect my culture or food.”
“I’ve always felt Germans were so welcoming.”
“Maybe not Warm, but never unkind.”
“These people are snooty. NTA.” ~ Zearidal
“I fully agree on them being ignorant AH and racists.”
“Also, saying that a meat dish is freaky is a little rich coming from Germans.”
“Most of the food is amazing.”
“And some of it turns my stomach just to look at it (yes I’m talking about Sülze and anything like it and I’m sorry to anyone who loves it).”
“But to each their own.”
“As long as I don’t have to eat it, fine by me!”
“I’m so sorry that you have these people in your life OP, nobody deserves to be spoken to like that.”
“Sadly I’m guessing that this is just the tip of the iceberg. Definitely NTA.” ~ Alwaysaprairiegirl
“We just moved to a new house and our neighbors on one side are middle Eastern.”
“Super friendly, welcomed us in, served some mango nectar, kids became fast friends.”
“The wife mentioned having us over for dinner sometime and that she loves to cook.”
“We got home and I told my partner I was so excited to try whatever they make.”
“I’m hoping for some authentic Middle Eastern food, but honestly they could serve or make anything and we would eat it and be thankful to our host.”
“I couldn’t imagine calling some other cultures food savage.” ~ AnxietyAndCandy
“The best tasting meats are the ‘unusual’ ones, chicken-foot, pigtail, ox-tail, and chicken neck just to name a few.”
“Also, Middle Eastern food is fucking delicious, this is from a ‘savage’ non-Middle Eastern person. NTA.” ~ kreeves9
OP came back with details…
“Edit to clarify…”
“My husband always stood up for me.”
“However whenever he confronted her she cries and shivers and claims she doesn’t understand what he’s talking about.”
“She is manipulative and I can only imagine growing up with such a parent.”
“Then in the end she blames me for turning her son against her and talks around how am ruining the family etc.”
“When he spoke about cutting them off he exactly said he would do it if it I wanted him to.”
“And I just said to slow down and give her another chance.”
“You don’t send someone to jail without a fair trial right?”
“So better be sure before cutting her off.”
“FIL is an angel by the way and curbs a lot of her nonsense.”
“Why is he with her is a question to ask him, I can’t answer it if anyone asks.”
Reddit continued…
“I am German and I say: THIS 120%! NTA.”
“The only reason, lamb is not served really often here is because it is EXPENSIVE, so if someone would serve me some, I would be over the moon.”
“I got literally very hungry only from reading this!”
“This hole comment about ‘savage’ is just to talk down on your culture and racist AF!” ~ Unrealistin
“NTA. It’s always so confusing when people won’t eat one part of the animal but will eat the others.”
“In this case though it sounds like racism, dehumanizing you and suggesting that you are a ‘savage’ and ‘freaky’ for eating / making the meal + indirectly calling you an animal (chicken) for eating something as common as beans.”
“Also roasted lamb neck sounds delicious, especially if it’s anything like ox tail.” ~ LeonsOnline
“NTA, that taught them a lesson to not judge so fast.”
“And as a German I apologize for their ignorance.”
“Also I really don’t understand where their thoughts coming from, we Germans eat Beans and lamb too, its quiet regular in my opinion.”
“And in my opinion the middle east food ist for the Most Part really delicious.” ~ MiIiIiII_
“NTA, tell your MIL and SIL they need to stop being judgemental and try something new for a change.”
“You offered them food, they turned their nose up at it before even knowing what it was.”
“So no, you are NTA.” ~ This_Struggle_3359
“NTA. Glad you kept the in-laws from becoming ‘savages.'”
“They probably missed out on a great meal.”
“Find more foods to save the in-laws from becoming ‘savages.'”
“Make those meals and save them.”
“Soon they will be too hungry to open their mouths except to stuff it with your food.”
“What a bunch of savages you have for in-laws.” ~ weeblewobblers
“NTA. Were they never taught either you eat what the chef cooks or you go hungry?”
“While it’s not something I would particularly think of as delicious, I would be willing to try it!”
“There’s crazier things you could cook.” ~ holiestcannoly
“NTA. I don’t eat lamb because it feels like more of a pet than livestock.”
“If I was going somewhere that was serving lamb, I would just not take some.”
“It’s not hard to not be rude. Keep on making your delicious food.” ~ Alternative-Movie938
“NTA. They said they didn’t want to eat your ‘freaky,’ food you are not obligated to give them some after that.”
“You are also not obligated to be polite to people who are rude to you.”
“Yes it is better to take the high ground and not stoop to their level but it doesn’t make you the asshole in this situation.” ~ Hannah2525
OP had a little more to say…
“And an update…”
“We sat her down to speak where I did the talking instead of him.”
“He only translated when it was necessary.”
“I explained what is not acceptable and mentioned all her previous behaviors.”
“She started to cry but I told her she has no reasons to cry we are adults who can talk about anything.”
“That racism is not acceptable and she is not better than anyone because of where she is born.”
“And if she wants to be part of her grandchild’s life (I am pregnant) she better behave and watch her tongue.”
“So she is now on probation so to speak.”
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
But it sounds like you have this well under control.
These conversations are imperative to have.
You and hubby handled it with honesty and grace.
Good luck with the growing family.