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Dad Rips MIL For Saying His Daughter Doesn’t Have A ‘Real Vagina’ Yet After Helping Her Wipe Wrong

Young girl sitting on toilet
CareyHope/Getty Images

Even though it impacts so many members of the population, feminine hygiene is still one of those mystifying subjects that many people are wildly uninformed about.

One of the key misunderstandings, of course, surrounds proper feminine hygiene, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

While his mother-in-law was visiting, Redditor buttsforhats was shocked to discover her understanding of his daughter’s vagina, claiming that it would not be a “real” vagina until she was a teenager.

When she doubled down on this idea, the Original Poster (OP) was furious.

He asked the sub:

“AITA for telling off my MIL (Mother-in-Law) for insisting my daughter doesn’t have a ‘real’ vagina?”

The OP’s mother-in-law (MIL) recently helped out by babysitting.

“My four-and-a-half-year-old daughter has a stomach bug and has been having some diarrhea.”

“My wife needed to take our son to an appointment, and I needed to WFH (work from home) today so my MIL came to watch after our daughter.”

“My daughter needed to use the bathroom, and I was going to excuse myself from my online meeting but my MIL said she had it.”

His daughter later made a surprising request.

“A bit later, my daughter came up to me and asked me to wipe her. I said to her, didn’t Grandma help you?”

“(She knows how to wipe, but with her having diarrhea we’re helping her.)”

“She said yes, but Grandma wiped wrong. She said Grandma wiped in instead of out. (We’ve taught her to wipe out instead of in.)”

“I excused myself from my meeting to help wipe my daughter correctly.”

The OP addressed the issue with his mother-in-law.

“I went to find my MIL in the kitchen. I asked her, ‘[My daughter] says you wiped in instead of out?'”

“She said, ‘I wiped her, you think there’s a better way?'”

“I told her it’s not healthy to wipe into the vagina, you need to wipe out.”

“She said, ‘And you have a vagina?'”

“I said ‘No, but I have a daughter, and I won’t let her get an infection by wiping poop into her vagina.'”

“She said, ‘[Your daughter] doesn’t have a real vagina yet, there’s no chance of infecting anything.'”

“I said, ‘What…? Of course she has a real vagina, she’s a female.'”

“She said, ‘Girls don’t have real vaginas until their teenagers. And that there’s no chance of any infection because their vagina doesn’t actually develop until they’re a teenager.'”

“I was… dumbfounded. And I got angry.”

The OP lashed out at his mother-in-law. 

“I said to her, ‘You’re a woman, you raised three daughters, I’m married to one… you can’t possibly be this stupid?'”

“She told me I’m out of line and said if I can’t appreciate her help, then she’d leave.”

“I told her I’m perfect, in fact definitely more, capable than her of caring for my daughter and that she’s welcome to get out.”

“She did leave, and about ten minutes later, my wife called me and said her mom was furious with me and said I was terrible to her and made her leave without any reason.”

“After explaining, my wife is on my side.”

“AITA for defending my daughter’s ‘real’ vagina?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some were glad the OP had stood up for his daughter.

“NTA, obviously, but I just want to take a moment and acknowledge that your daughter did such a good job of advocating for herself in that situation!! I hope you and your wife have a talk with her to reinforce that she did the right thing!!”


“NTA, your MIL is profoundly stupid, not for not knowing how to wipe, but for not realizing that four-year-old girls have fully formed genitals. God knows what other pearls of wisdom she has in her brain.” – IWAnttoBuyAVowel

“NTA. Urinary tract infections! Bladder infections!”

“While a tiny human is not fully developed in terms of sexual organs, that doesn’t mean poop should be in there.”

“That’s just gross.” – EastPractice2616

“NTA, and kudos to you for appropriately teaching your daughter how to wipe correctly.”

“MIL wasn’t asked to leave for no reason. She was belittling you in your own home for no other reason than your gender used to undermine your ability to take care of your own kid, while unapologetic about her own inability to wipe your little girl correctly.”

“Her comment about the vagina of your daughter not existing until it can be basically used to reproduce is insane.” – GrouchySteam

“NTA. What the f**k is she thinking? Lol (laughing out loud).”

“This is a subject that is remotely debatable. It’s a no-brainer. There is no ‘is that vagina real’ debate in medicine. Or anywhere else, for that matter.”

“Of course, the only way to tell if your daughter has a real vagina is to use my patented vaginometer. It works by measuring the relevant elementary particle: The vaginon.”

“Only way to know for sure.” – Stoat__King

“Not only do I applaud you for teaching your young daughter to advocate for herself but also for educating yourself on proper care for the female anatomy. So often, men are ignorant of the female body and the proper care and hygiene of female body parts. You deserve the utmost respect for that alone.”

“Also, clearly NTA.” – angie-anj919

“If it looks like a stupid duck and it quacks like a stupid duck…”

“I find no issue with calling stupid people stupid, especially if their stupidity negatively affects others.”

“I heard a story of a camp counselor who was working with a new counselor and asked the new guy to hand them an axe. The new guy threw the axe at the other counselor, who barely avoided being impaled.”

“New guy said he didn’t do it on purpose and just wasn’t thinking. He was then fired by the boss, who told him, ‘Maybe you didn’t do it on purpose. Maybe you’re just stupid. But if you’re stupid, you’re criminally stupid.'”

“MIL could’ve given her granddaughter an infection because she doesn’t think toddlers actually have vaginas. She’s irresponsibly stupid. NTA.” – cbm984

“OP did come in hot with the ‘you can’t be this stupid,’ which is hilarious, by the way. But he did actually try to address it nicely before MIL got an attitude.”

“I’m tired of people acting like parents need to be grateful for any old half-a**ed ‘assistance’ family is willing to live with kids. I wouldn’t thank anyone for wiping poop into my daughter’s vagina either.”

“NTA.” – cetus_lapetus

While uninformed, others felt the MIL didn’t deserve the OP’s disrespect.

“YTA, your MIL might be stupid and/or uneducated, but that doesn’t mean you can insult her and treat her like this.” – RaZZer_9351

“This sub is unable to focus on the actual question. Somehow ‘MIL is factually incorrect’ means ‘OP is not the a**hole, she is.'”

“She is uninformed and might want to stay her ground out of embarrassment. She’s uneducated, yes, but an a**hole, no.”

“While OP shamed her for her lack of knowledge about her own body, which obviously originates from somewhere other than just pure blissful ignorance, and called her stupid and unwanted. As well as insulting her parenting skills (how could she have raised three daughters like this).”

“Either OP has never heard of tact and has the social skills of a carrot peel, or there are tensions in their relationship that go way beyond this issue. No one can be this much of an a**hole to someone, expecting this is leading to a favorable result.”

“OP, YTA big big time. You are right. She is wrong, her idea of how vaginas work is embarrassingly incorrect. But you don’t get away with talking like this just because it is about the health of your daughter.”

“Do you want your MIL to know better and wipe your daughter or another granddaughter better? Maybe also be more cautious of her own health?”

“Do you think calling her stupid and embarrassing and insulting her is the way to go about this? What the f**k?? All of this could have been communicated in 50 different and less insulting ways that would not embarrass you as a human being.”

“You might have taught your daughter how to wipe correctly, and this is honestly great. Congrats. But I’m much more worried that you will teach her your social skills, and man, that’s not something I would wish her.” – savemarla

“YTA. You’re not wrong, but there wasn’t any reason for you to yell at your MIL (who was only there because she was doing you and your wife a favor) or speak to her so disrespectfully. It sounds like she wasn’t taught correctly, not that she was trying to be neglectful or malicious. Your comments, on the other hand, were malicious and hurtful.” – sketchypeg

“YTA. You’re right; she’s stupid, but you shouldn’t have called her stupid to her face.”

“Whenever I have a disagreement with close friends and family, I try to hold back the worst of my fury because I want to see these people again, right? Your MIL is an idiot if she thinks girls don’t get a real vagina until they’re teens, but calling her stupid was going too far.”

“If the person saying such a moronic thing were a stranger or someone you didn’t care about seeing ever again, then have at it and take them down with a verbal assault! HA! But this is your mother-in-law, and she’s not going away. Even if you divorce your wife, this stupid, stupid woman will always be your daughter’s grandmother.” – Muskiecat

“YTA. This is not the way to treat people, especially relatives. You could just end the conversation with agree to disagree and wipe your daughter next time.” – Pavlinius

The subReddit was grateful that the OP was teaching his daughter to care for herself properly, and even to advocate for herself from a young age, but they were otherwise more divided on how the OP addressed his mother-in-law.

Some completely understood where he was coming from and supported him all the way, but others didn’t feel that being misinformed was a reason to ridicule her for her lack of knowledge.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.