Choosing a religion, or a belief for you kids is an intimate experience.
And it’s one that doesn’t have to involve every family member.
But that doesn’t stop this issue from growing into major problems.
Case in point…
Redditor Ecstatic-Bullfrog291 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not wanting a religious ceremony for my kids?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband and I have 3 month old twin girls.”
“We live a 3 hour plane ride from our families.”
“But are looking to move closer to them next year (still 2-3 hour drive).”
“My M[other] I[n] L[aw] who just got finished imposing herself on us the first two months of the twins being born, is now trying to plan a blessing ceremony in a baptist church for the twins.”
“And randomly reached out to us to let us know she has a pastor lined up.”
“This was our first time hearing about this.”
“We don’t know any of these people, as it is her community.”
“I don’t want a bunch of strangers hovering over or touching my children.”
“And my husband and I haven’t set foot in a church in over 12 years and have no intention on raising our children in a religious setting.”
“It just seems unnecessary and hypocritical to have this ceremony and have the stress of traveling with twins to appease what seems to be her need to make a show of the twins.”
“I didn’t know much about the ceremony.”
“Ao I asked my oldest sister (who is the only one in the family that attends church regularly).”
“She thinks we should compromise with her and have a small ceremony for family.”
“Apart from her son, neither of my other siblings children were pressured into compromising to have this ceremony.”
“AITA for refusing it? Or should I just go through with the hassle of having it?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. It’s your kids. You do you.”
“She didn’t reach out until she had everything lined up and expects you to pack up ship on her whim??”
“If you say yes to this I’m afraid that sends the wrong message to Grandma.” ~ Sarcastic_Troll
“NTA. IF you do not make your wish/intention of a non-religious upbringing clear now it will only result in more and more disagreements in future.” ~ PurpuraLiber
“I was on the fence until you said this.”
“Your MIL does not respect your religious choices at all.”
“This isn’t about your twins, this is a show to elevate her in her church.”
“Don’t allow it.”
“If you do, she will continue to force her views on you until you eventually have a showdown.”
“Better to nip it in the bud now.” ~ maidenmothercrone333
OP responded…
“My husband has mentioned it to her previously and how we don’t go to church, we don’t pray etc etc.”
“She just rolls her eyes and will at later points in time randomly ask about doing religious things as if we didn’t mention it previously.”
Reddit continued…
“I am always in the NTA for not forcing your religion on children who cannot make a choice on what they want.”
“OP should put their foot down and say no.”
“Sadly I’m betting that will put MIL in toxic, sneaking, and victim mode.”
“Expect facebook posts about it,”
“MIL being the victim always, and you two damming your children or the like.”
“She’ll get family and friends on it with the ‘it’ll make her happy, just do it and don’t worry about it going forward’ statement.”
“I’m also betting MIL demands to have the kids over a weekend, because it’s a long distance, and they need grand parent attention.”
“She’ll just do the thing then behind your backs so you’ll find out later.”
“She strikes me as the ‘Damned to the parents my grand baby’s are getting baptized to save there little souls’ type of person.”
“This can happen anywhere from now to late teens easily as well.” ~ Blinken01
“NTA. She expects you to…”
“Expose your babies to germs from hundreds of strangers that you don’t even know when Covid, monkeypox and polio are around.”
“Travel in a plane with 3 month old twins.”
“Because that is oh-so-easy.
“Use up your money and possibly your vacation days, both of which are undoubtedly in short supply since you just had two babies.”
“Spend days caring for two infants away from the comforts of home.”
“Pretend to be a part of a religion you are not part of.”
“All to satisfy her ego.”
“None of this is about supporting you or the babies.”
“All of this is about using the babies as props in her ‘I’m a devoted religious person whose family follows my faith’ play that she is putting on for her friends.”
“Which is ridiculous, because if you were followers of her religion, you’d have your own congregation and she’d be traveling to you to celebrate.”
“Tell her no. She will have a tantrum like a toddler.”
“But that is okay. It’s good practice for you.”
“In two years, you will have two little people who have similar tantrums.”
“The difference is: your kids will outgrow tantrums and will learn that the world doesn’t revolve around their whims.” ~ mindful-bed-slug
“NTA. I too am not religious, but my friends who are religious will agree that you shouldn’t partake in religious rituals unless you intend to subscribe to that religion.”
“By participating in the ceremony, you would be symbolically agreeing to the ideas behind the ritual.”
“As a side note, baptisms are supposed to wash the child of original sin (Adam and Eve eating from the Tree of Knowledge against God’s orders).”
“It is believed in some denominations that baptism is a prerequisite to entering heaven.”
“The practice of doing this at birth started at a time when most children didn’t make it, but some newer denominations make it a choice for their version of ‘adults.'” ~ whatever-the-logo-is
OP said…
“I completely agree it would feel like we’re agreeing to continue this religion.”
“Even what I can find on Google says to upkeep the blessing you have to continue to teach the faith etc etc.”
“My sister tried to convince me that you don’t, but it just doesn’t feel that way at all and logically it doesn’t make sense that it isn’t hypocritical.”
We continue…
“NTA. I would not go through with this unless you want her boundary stomping going forward.”
“If you aren’t raising your kids religiously, they don’t need a religious ceremony.”
“Especially one that was planned without your knowledge and to be held during flu season.”
“Back out.”
“Politely decline and just say the kids aren’t feeling well so you won’t be making the trek or something.” ~ Conspiring_Bitch
“NTA. I don’t believe you should do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
“You should never be pressured to do anything like this.”
“Please let them know you are not into this.”
“I’m religious but it’s never ok to force your beliefs or practices on someone else.” ~ Indyblu52
“NTA. Your kids and your decision.”
“However you do have a huge mother-in-law problem and it sounds like your spouse really needs to step up.”
“If as you say she has impose herself on you for the past two months and no one told her that wasn’t OK.”
“Someone needs to have a conversation with her.” ~ GonnaBeOverIt
OP shared…
“She was supposed to help, but what I requested help with and what she ended up actually doing were very different things.”
“He tried to keep a balance to make everyone happy.”
“But at least at the end of the day he tells her he’s going with my decision as his children’s mother.”
“And to be fair, she doesn’t really respect his boundaries and often pulls the ‘I gave birth to you’ card despite us both being 30+ years old.”
Continue…
“NTA, I was raised with the liberty of choosing if I wanted to be in the religious social community or NAH.”
“The blessing ceremony can be postponed until she can decide by herself if she wants it or not.”
“I got it at 10 after being told ‘you will get the gifts and the cake even if you don’t do it’ to make sure I wasn’t going into it because I wanted the gifts.”
“A child should be raised with their parents allowing them to decide instead of doing something ‘to make a side of the family happy.'” ~ Spina97
“NTA. Tell MIL ‘thanks but actually we are going to have a naming ceremony instead and introduce the children to the family there.'”
‘”They will choose a religion and can be baptised when they are old enough to understand what they are agreeing to.”‘
“Then plan your own party and never leave the kids alone with her when she could baptise them against your wished.” ~ Obsidian-Winter
Well OP, Reddit hears you.
Your kids, your choices.
It maybe time for a chat with MIL.
Good luck.