It’s true that there’s no way we can know every little detail about someone else’s relationship, no matter how much we might talk to them about it.
And honestly, it’s acceptable and even necessary for some things to stay between a couple.
Anyone who thinks differently is likely snooping or looking to criticize the couple in some way, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor AITA-soapyeyes was surprised when he lent his phone to his sister, only to be confronted a few minutes by her and their mother for his wife’s “scandalous” behavior.
But when he realized they were referring to a selfie she sent him of her breastfeeding their baby, the Original Poster (OP) couldn’t help but laugh it off.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my mom ‘to wash out her eyes with soap’ after she saw a ‘raunchy’ photo of my wife?”
The OP let his sister borrow his phone.
“My wife, ‘Tiana,’ gave birth to our beautiful son 7 months ago.”
“She works from home and enjoys sending me pictures and videos of my son and the two of them together. Some of the pictures are plain selfies, others are impromptu, elaborate photoshoots of him on our couch.”
“I find the pictures are cute and they always brighten up my day.”
“My sister, ‘Ariel,’ just got out of a bad marriage and my mum and two brothers were helping her pack her things up.”
“At one point, my sister‘s phone died and she asked to use mine to make an important call.”
“I agreed and I assumed that she would bring back my phone in a few minutes.”
He was surprised when his sister and mother both confronted him.
“I assume Tiana sent a picture of herself while I was working (when my sister had my phone) because, when I stopped to take a break, my mom and Ariel approached me, my phone in hand, about Tiana’s ‘scandalous’ behavior.”
“They showed me a selfie of Tiana, sent a few minutes after I had given my phone to Ariel, of her breastfeeding.”
“Nothing was even ‘exposed,’ she was smiling, and the photo was mostly of her face.”
“Ariel told me that it was ‘ungodly and indecent’ for my wife to be sending pictures ‘of that nature’ to me. (Again, there was barely any boob in the pic.)”
“Then, my sister pulls up a video of Tiana in the mirror, showing off her new dress, baby on her waist.”
“The dress showed a little cleavage, but I didn’t think it was anything too serious.”
“Again, Ariel started to go on a rant about how ‘inappropriate’ Tiana was behaving as a ‘new mother.'”
The OP finally heard enough.
“In the moment, I was in disbelief and somewhat amused, so I stayed silent.”
“She kept going off about how ‘disturbed,’ she was after seeing those pictures and how ‘dirty’ she felt after.”
“I was tired of listening, so I pointed to a sink and told her to ‘wash her eyes out with soap if it was bothering her that much.'”
“This did not help the overall situation. Ariel stormed off and my mom told me that I should be more sensitive and understanding about her (marriage) situation.”
“When I told my wife, she laughed but suggested I apologize to help everything go back to normal.”
“AITA? Was I too harsh?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were grossed out that breastfeeding was being sexualized at all.
“I’m still floored anyone would think a mother breastfeeding is in any way sexual.” – MaryAnne0601
“Here is what gets me, she asked to borrow his phone. That gave her zero right to open his messages from his wife.”
“Especially if she’s so easily triggered by… dresses? And… breastfeeding?”
“In what world is that ‘ungodly and indecent’? Isn’t that why God made breasts? To feed babies milk?”
“Her logic is seriously confusing. Apparently, breasts are completely disgusting and disturbing to this woman who also has breasts. Geez.”
“I don’t think he should apologize, he was just sticking up for his wife.” – SaiyanPrincess28
“I was actually JUST having this conversation with my mother. The way people think that boobs are disgusting is beyond me. Like, you see more tit at the beach.”
“Heaven forbid Ariel sees a woman in a bikini. Will she be clutching her pearls then?” – beachylawgirl22
“I think she should be happy OP only asked her to wash her eyes and not something along those lines. I know I would have been looking them up and down with a, ‘If breastfeeding is that scandalous, then we all know now why you got divorced.'” – Dangerous-WinterElf
“NTA. If your wife sent you full-blown nudes, neither she nor you would be in the wrong either. What you two send each other is no one else’s business.”
“But photos of her FEEDING your child? They are the a**holes for their judgments on that.” – LilySeekers
“The OP’s question wasn’t about Ariel (who sounds like a really fun chick), but if OP was too harsh.”
“YTA OP, soap is too harsh for the eyes. Apologize: ‘I’m sorry, I should have told you to wash your eyes out with warm water, soap is too harsh… Also, get a therapist.'” – blarryg
Others pointed out it was no one’s business what someone did in their relationship.
“NTA. Even if she was naked in the picture, it still wouldn’t be indecent, they are married. Does Ariel live in the 50s?” – sirnay
“Wow. A nursing mother is a beautiful sight, especially to a daddy that can’t be there to help out at the time. She sounds like a prude, and how can anyone judge someone else for sending pics to their partner?! She sounds exhausting.”
“Ariel should be grateful she has a family to fall back on, and OP and his wife should send more ‘sexy’ photos to one another just for funsies.” – FullyRisenPhoenix
“Is it even still repression if you’re aghast about a f**king picture of a mom breastfeeding her baby sent to the baby’s dad? That’s 100% non-sexual and it was a private photo just for the dad. Not like she threw it on Facebook.”
“Sounds a lot more like she got salty seeing OP and his wife having a loving marriage and being happy with a new baby to me. It’s a sad situation that women respond to jealousy by calling the other woman a slut (and equally sad that men respond by attacking the other man’s masculinity).” – -ggggggggg-
“Even if she sent straight-up nudes of herself, that would still… be fine?? It would be awkward, to be sure, and perhaps an apology along the lines of ‘I am so sorry you saw that’ would be in order, but sending sexual content to your spouse is a normal part of many people’s sexual relationships.”
“People should take all precautions to make sure nothing awkward happens, but sometimes horrible luck or snooping will mean people see things they don’t want to.”
“Just like with actual sex, the onus is on the intruder: if you accidentally walk in on something you were not supposed to between consenting, nonadulterous adults, you leave and pretend it never happened.” – xtaberry
“Ariel sounds like the kind of woman who’d go looking for trouble and then complain about finding it.”
“OP, I would tell Ariel and your mother that you’re expecting an apology from La Snoopy but I already know you won’t be getting it.”
“But I would ensure that Ariel is never left alone in your home (lock your bedroom door if you are) and take away any spare keys to keep her from rooting through your stuff to find more stuff to disapprove.” – Awkward-Wasabi-9262
“NTA and wow, she sounds like a real piece of work. If it were me, looking at a sibling’s phone and an actually x-rated photo from a partner I knew popped up, I’d be like, ‘Oh god, I’m so sorry, I think this is for you,’ and try to forget I ever saw it.”
“I live in rural New England, a pretty progressive area, and folks are breastfeeding toddlers while selling you garlic scapes at the farmer’s market. No one bats an eyelash, nor should they. It’s as normal as feeding a baby from a bottle.”
“Your sister should take a vacation out here and get a quick education.” – SockSock81219
A few joked that they had no idea why the OP’s sister was divorced.
“I’m shocked Ariel is divorced. Surprised, really. Can’t even figure out why that would happen.” – polybiastrogender
“I’d marry her just so I could divorce her.” – I_might_be_weasel
“Ariel is terrible. OP needs to put her in her place and never let her use his phone again. She snooped and saw things she didn’t like. Too bad.”
“OP definitely needs to shut down his sister though. It kind of sounds like no one ever does, which has turned her into the kind of person no one wants to be around.” – crystallz2000
Feeling slightly conflicted after his jab at his sister, especially after his wife suggested he might want to make nice, the OP wondered if he had taken it too far when spoke out to his sister.
But the subReddit had other ideas. Not only had she used the phone for purposes other than the agreed-upon phone call, but she was also sexualizing the act of breastfeeding and wearing what was likely a light summer dress.
If anyone needed to apologize, it was likely her for snooping and judging, not to mention doubling down.