Sometimes family loves to put family in difficult situations.
It’s sad when moments like that arise.
Especially during times that are meant to be joyous, like the birth of a child.
Compromises must be made…
Case in point…
Redditor sarawilson11 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to let my husband take our 6 weeks old daughter to see his mom who lives 4hrs away?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m going to start this by saying that I (F[emale] 23) have never been on good terms with my husband’s (M[ale] 27) mom.”
“She first and foremost never approved of me as a wife and daughter in law.”
“We didn’t fight, we just kept our distance and things got a lot more peaceful when my husband and I moved away.”
“Once she heard I was pregnant, she still kept her distance but sent stuff and gifts saying she was intending on having a relationship with her granddaughter.”
“I had no issues with it, in fact I supported this decision and thought maybe my daughter will help soothe things between me and her grandma.”
“My daughter is 6 weeks old.”
“Her grandma already saw her via video calls but lately, she has been pressuring my husband to bring our daughter to her.”
“She lives 4 hours away and she told him she didn’t want me to come along.”
“My initial response was no because at this age my daughter can not go anywhere without me.”
“My husband tried to argue saying if it’s about feeding then he’ll get formula but I told him it’s not about that.”
“He got mad at me and said that I’m being unreasonable to keep our daughter away from her grandma.”
“I told him our daughter is still too young to travel.”
“He asked me to explain how many ‘years’ his mom has to wait and then said it was no huge deal but I’m making it that way.”
“I said that his mom is the one making this a huge deal by telling me to not come and let my daughter go alone.”
“He laughed sarcastically and said that he’s the other parent and so I shouldn’t feel like she’s going alone.”
“I don’t know, I just felt uneasy being hours away from my daughter for an entire weekend.”
“He told me I was being overly possessive and paranoid.”
“We had an argument and I refused to let him take her.”
“He got more angry and called his family who tried to get me to agree to this but I kept refusing.”
“My in-laws kept saying that my mother in-law is just being respectful of the boundaries I’ve established.”
“And is keeping the distance we agreed to keep.”
“AITA for refusing and rejecting the whole idea?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. I have a six week old and I would never agree to this.”
“Why can’t she come visit you?”
“And her telling your husband you can’t come is ridiculous.”
“Because of that alone, she wouldn’t be seeing my baby.”
“I would not let her see my baby then, you’re trying to compromise and she refuses.”
“What will your child think later on if they go see their grandma and she states how she refuses to be around you?” ~ PlentyCarob8812
“This. I’m usually one to advocate for family peace and forgiveness.”
“But if a person was crazy enough to ask me to leave my 6 week old baby for a weekend trip 4 hours away I WOULD BE FURIOUS.”
“You carried your newborn for 9 months, and all they knew was you!”
“Your heartbeat, your smell, your voice.”
“It would be traumatizing for baby (and for you) to separate you for an entire weekend.”
“Honestly, I didn’t leave my newborn until I went back to work after 14 weeks.”
“There are literal laws that forbid puppies from leaving their mothers before 8 weeks.”
“Your husband is the AH here.”
“He should NOT be asking you to leave your baby.”
“He should be telling his mother to stop being a petty, insecure women and visit or invite you over.”
“Absolutely insane that he considered the request let alone is guilting you about it.”
“Make it clear the two of you are a package deal right now.”
“Don’t let husband pretend that this is a normal or acceptable request! NTA.” ~ GiraffeThoughts
“It also sounds like OP might be breastfeeding.”
“This is a very important time to establish that breastfeeding relationship and her milk supply.”
“Having baby away from her for a whole weekend could have a negative effect on her ability to feed her child.”
“Not all babies will take a bottle and not all babies tolerate formula the same way.”
“Plus in the US there is a formula shortage.”
“I wouldn’t allow this either. OP is TA.”
“The husband is for not supporting his wife and child and choosing his mom over his family.” ~ Vast-Temporary-771
OP responded…
“I said she could visit and even offered to let her stay as long as she wants to.”
“But she said she made a promise to herself that she would never be under the same roof as me and the same place as me.”
“I remember her telling me this and I didn’t make a fuss about it because I thought she was setting boundaries and I wanted to be as respectful as I could.”
“I have a 10 month and I’d raise holy hell if anyone tried to separate him from me for a whole weekend.”
“In those early weeks and even months their mother is quite literally home.”
“It should be considered cruel to separate mothers and babies at 6 weeks the way certain countries like to.”
“OP needs to make this her hill to die on, even if it means returning the gifts and grandma doesn’t get a relationship with her daughter.”
“If she’s trying to get weekends alone at 6 weeks, what’s she gonna try at 6 years or 16 years?”
“Grandma will try to cut OP out of her daughter’s life in every way that she can and her husband of fine with it.”
“If I were in OP’s shoes I would get on birth control immediately and start working on an exit strategy.”
“Even if I never used it.”
‘”It’s a horrible thing to be trapped in a relationship, especially with kids.” ~ QuixoticLogophile
“Your baby, your rules.”
“Yeah, your husband is the father, but you are your daughter’s whole world.”
“Your MIL is petty, and quite honestly, her attitude toward you is reason enough to tell her to kick rocks.”
“YOU are your husband’s wife and you are a mother now- don’t worry about being respectful, you need to whip out that shiny back bone.”
“Your M[other] I[n] L[aw]’s days of thinking she can dictate your marriage and parenting are over.”
“Turn the table on her: Tell her she may have her son’s ear, but you’re still her granddaughter’s mother.”
“If your husband has issues with you standing up for yourself, tell him his mother can keep him.” ~ SilentCounter6750
“Yeah based upon OP’s description of the situation, it genuinely does not sound like the situation with MIL is of her making.”
“If MIL thinks her request is even remotely reasonable than that tells me EVERYTHING I need to know about MIL right there.”
“OP, NTA. You have a massive husband problem.”
“This would be a HARD no in my books.”
“MIL can compromise or the trip can be skipped until Mom is comfortable with it.” ~ thingsarelookingup2
“That seems much more reasonable than making a 6 week old baby travel for 4 hours by car!”
“You gave your MIL options and she’s refused them.”
“If she really wanted to meet her grandchild, she’d compromise.”
“This is clearly more about her power trip than her grandchild. NTA!” ~ malachite_animus
“Honestly I wouldn’t let my husband take our kid.”
“And if she’s playing the victim about setting boundaries’ you can suggest her coming down and staying in a hotel.”
“Your husband can then take the kid to the hotel to visit for an hour or 2.”
“This would give you some free time to nap and do self care.”
“But all of you going out of your way to travel for her?”
“Hell naw. NTA.” ~ Avocadosareawesome
“Anyone who tells you they need to see YOUR baby and won’t let you accompany them, is an AH.”
“Your husband is also an AH for entertaining this idea.”
“Put your foot down.”
“Baby of that age should not even be in a car for that long.”
“MIL can come to you, and if she doesn’t want to, you aren’t ‘keeping the baby from her.'”
“She’s keeping herself from the baby.”
“Your main problem here is your husband taking his mommy’s side against you.”
“You have a world of hurt up ahead unless you get him to realize you, as the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD, get more say than his mommy.”
“Your husband sucks and should be on your side.”
“His ‘I’m the parent too’ attitude is going to be a problem.”
“Your MIL is hostile for seemingly no reason and he’s fine with that.”
“That’s the problem.”
“If she can’t respect the child’s mother, she doesn’t get to see the child.”
“If anyone, including her father, tried to take my 6 week old away for a weekend, one of us would be facing jail time.”
“Because that’s a hard no.”
“You don’t take an infant away from her mother at 6 weeks old without her permission.”
“F**k that noise.” ~ TA122278
Well OP, you have the weight of Reddit behind you.
And that is quite the army.
Sounds like the person needing the biggest talking to is your hubby.
Let MIL do her.
But you and the hubs need a sit down. ASAP.
Good luck.