It’s a huge deal for a parent to trust anyone to watch their kids.
Parents tend to be extra cautious even if it’s a family member.
That’s why it’s so great to have people you trust.
To know your kid is being looked after and safe is a huge weight lifted.
But that weight can fall back down unexpectedly at any time.
However, once that trust is broken it’s hard to repair.
Case in point…
Redditor Hopeful_Storm_3208 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my sisters that they are not allowed to see my child again?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (29 F[emale]) have 2 siblings, Kara (26 F) and Lois (23 F).”
“I also have a daughter (8 F) who we will call V.”
“Me and my sisters have all been pretty close.”
“We had done everything together when we were younger.”
“As for my daughter, she hates being alone, ever since her father passed, she clung to my side for a long time before she started to become more independent.”
“Yesterday, I took V to see her grandparents for lunch.”
“My sisters live with our parents since they both don’t have a stable job.”
“When I arrived at my parent’s house, Lois greeted us at the door.”
“I asked her where our parents were, and she said that they had gone to the grocery store.”
“She said that she could take care of V until they came back.”
“I agreed since Lois and Kara had both babysat V many times for some easy cash.”
“I left and called my parents to let them know what I had done.”
“I left to go do some errands.”
“When I finished with everything, and as I was heading back to my parent’s house, Kara called me.”
“She said that V is being ‘a brat’ and I need to come get her now.”
“I rushed over there and saw my parents yelling at my sisters and my daughter on the porch crying.”
“I went over to them and asked them what happened.”
“My mom started explaining that my sisters left the house while I was gone and left V alone in the house.”
“Thankfully, she was only in there for about 45 minutes before my parents came home.”
“I was livid.”
“I picked up my daughter and yelled at my sisters that they were not allowed to see me or my kid again.”
“Kara had started saying that it was unfair and that V was old enough to be by herself.”
“Lois was trying to say something, but I wasn’t listening.”
“I left to my car while they were arguing and went home.”
“When I got home, I talked with my daughter about what had happened and asked her if they had done this before.”
“She said that they hadn’t done this before except for this one time, but they were only gone for 2 minutes.”
“I hugged my daughter and told her that we would never see her aunts again.”
“My daughter started sobbing, screaming that it was only a mistake and that she loved her aunties.”
“I didn’t know how to explain anymore, so I told her to have a little nap.”
“When I checked my phone, I received 12 missed calls from my sisters and many texts.”
“I didn’t read any nor call them back.”
“After V sobbing, I feel guilty, but I think I’m doing the right thing.”
“My parents believe that what they did was horrible, but we are family, so we shouldn’t cut contact.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“I don’t think this was helpful.”
“NTA for telling your sisters that, but YTA for repeating it to your daughter when she was already upset.”
“Being so drastic when she comes to you with things could lead to her being afraid to tell you important things in the future.” ~ lihzee
“Yup, but sadly this kid is going to figure it out one way or another.”
“OP lives near the grandparents with the aunts at the house. It sounds like she visits often, and the aunts have often babysat.”
“Daughter’s eight, not three.”
“If OP cuts the aunts off from her kid, she’s going to notice, and she’s going to realize that it’s because of all the adult yelling/upset that already happened about her being left alone.”
“u/Hopeful_Storm_3208 aren’t you worried your daughter is going to learn to lie to you?”
“That if she tells you the truth about anyone she likes doing something you don’t like, she’ll never see them again?”
“This from a kid who already lost her dad and is now losing more family at your hands.”
“Don’t you think she’ll resent you?”
“I honestly don’t understand why you have to never see them again, and I’m an adult.”
“I get not having them babysit again, but that’s completely different.”
“I don’t know or like your sisters and it seems oddly unnecessary even to me.”
“How is your daughter going to feel who actually loves them and has abandonment issues?” ~ TheHatOnTheCat
“Looks like V somehow accepted what happened after all.”
“She had a shock, cried but she doesn’t have regrets and wants to see her aunts.”
“It’s just a matter of resolving things between adults and letting V have a family.”
“OP is acting like mad pushing V to be more dramatic about it and not listening to her.” ~ Polish_girl44
“What they did was reckless and irresponsible and dangerous.”
“They shouldn’t be trusted with watching your child in the future.”
“However, cutting contact is extreme.”
“You can all still have a relationship – just one where you don’t rely on them for childcare. YTA.” ~ Revolutionary_Let_39
“YTA. Great, your good intentions just retraumatized your own child.”
“What your sisters did was wrong and you had every right to blow up at them.”
“But why on Earth would you rob a child that already lost a father of two other loving (imperfect) adults?”
“Do you really think mourning three people rather than one is an improvement???” ~ Beginning_Ad_1371
“ESH – So you tell a child with a fear of abandonment she can’t see important people in her life anymore?”
“how is she supposed to see the difference between this and losing her dad?”
“Obviously, your sister Kara is in the wrong but she wasn’t the one who signed up to look after her niece so responsibility does ultimately fall on Lois who could have called you, your parents, or taken V with her.”
“Sounds like a conversation on how serious V’s abandonment issues are with your family and if not already some therapy is in order for her.” ~ MiserablyLiterate
“YTA. What they did was wrong and irresponsible, but your response was way over the top.”
“They made a mistake, and you decided to sever ties with them forever.”
“I don’t think I need to explain the issue here.” ~ J4T6
“I think you need to have a conversation with your daughter.”
“Explain you were upset and you are sorry you reacted like you did.”
“Perhaps say that your sisters won’t babysit for the foreseeable future but you can see them together, so your child doesn’t feel punished for telling the truth.”
“You don’t want your child to fear telling you things because you will punish her or that she’ll feel she got loved ones into trouble.” ~ Existing-Tax7068
“This is an 8-year-old who went through the trauma of losing her father and doesn’t handle being left alone well.”
“There is NO reason Kara could possibly have unless it was another emergency situation, and even then she should’ve called her parents to ask them to come home faster.”
“Kara isn’t fit to be around this little girl at all.” ~ Significant_Rule_855
“Well, this seems like the worst possible way to handle a situation where your child has abandonment issues. YTA.” ~ NandoDeColonoscopy
OP came back with an Update…
“I know I had just posted this but I had just got off the phone with Lois.”
“Right after the post was made, my mom had called me and told me that Lois was not at fault, that Kara was to blame.”
“She told me to call Lois for her to explain what happened.”
“When I called Lois she explained that almost an hour after I left, she had gotten an emergency call from her boyfriend since he ended up in the hospital.”
“She told me that she asked Kara to watch V while she was gone, but Kara refused.”
“Lois begged Kara and Kara agreed.”
“Kara ended up leaving shortly after Lois left.”
“When my parents arrived, my mom called Kara and Lois because they found V crying on the floor, scared, and alone.”
“Kara came home first and started getting mad and saying that V is just overreacting.”
“Lois came home a little bit after Kara came.”
“That’s when Kara called me saying that V was being a brat.”
“I’m not mad at Lois now, and I feel bad.”
“Kara, on the other hand, I’m so disappointed.”
“Also people in the comments telling me that the way I told V that she won’t be able to her aunts again was uncalled for, I apologized to V.”
“I told her that it was her decision if she wanted to see Aunt Lois and she said yes.”
“I explained to her that when she gets older, she will be able to decide if she wants Aunt Kara to be in her life as well.”
“I don’t trust Kara at all now.”
“So I want to wait for V to get a little bit older until she’s able to see Aunt Kara.”
“If Kara apologizes and gains my trust again, I will allow V to see her.”
Well, OP, it sounds like you’re finding a way to make it all work.
And it’s great that you explained it to V in a way she can understand calmly.
Hopefully, Kara will realize her mistakes and earn back your trust one day.