Weddings are meant to be occasions of celebration, a time to honor a couple’s love and commitment to one another.
Sometimes people forget that it’s not just about putting on an Instagram-worthy show, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Educational-Tour-438 was shocked when she found out her future sister-in-law (SIL) had been “trash-talking” her disabled son behind her back, apparently concerned that he and his wheelchair would steal focus from her, the bride.
When even her brother confirmed that she had been saying these things, the Original Poster (OP) no longer felt welcome to attend.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to attend my brother’s wedding after finding out my future sister-in-law is trash-talking my disabled son?”
The OP loved her son and was also close to her brother.
“My (32 Female) older brother (35 Male) is getting married in a few months. We’ve always been close, and I was genuinely happy for him when he announced his engagement.”
“His fiancée, Sarah (30 Female), seemed nice enough at first, though we’ve never been super close.”
“I have a six-year-old son, Ethan, who has cerebral palsy. He’s the light of my life, and while he has his challenges, he’s a happy, sweet kid who loves being around family.”
“My brother has always been great with Ethan, so I assumed Sarah was on the same page.”
The OP soon found out her future SIL did not share the same feelings.
“A few weeks ago, my mom let something slip during a family dinner. Apparently, Sarah had been complaining about Ethan being at the wedding because she’s worried he’ll ‘steal the spotlight’ from her.”
“She even said things like, ‘I don’t want people focusing on the kid in the wheelchair instead of me,’ and ‘It’s my day, and I don’t want any distractions.'”
“When I confronted my mom, she admitted that Sarah had been making these comments for a while but didn’t want to cause any drama by telling me.”
“I was furious. The idea that someone could be so cruel and shallow about my child, who already has to deal with so much, made my blood boil.”
“I called my brother and asked him if he knew what Sarah had been saying. He was hesitant at first but eventually admitted that Sarah had expressed concerns about ‘attention being diverted’ from her on the big day.”
“He tried to downplay it, saying she’s just stressed out and not thinking clearly, and that of course, Ethan would be welcome at the wedding.”
Despite her love for her brother, the OP was no longer in a celebratory mood.
“But here’s the thing: I don’t feel welcome anymore. How could I, knowing that the bride-to-be sees my son as some sort of burden?”
“I told my brother that if Sarah really feels that way, then Ethan and I won’t be attending.”
“My brother freaked out and said I was being unfair, that Sarah didn’t mean any harm, and that I’m blowing things out of proportion. He begged me to reconsider, saying that if I don’t go, it’ll cause a huge rift in the family.”
“Now my parents are involved, saying they understand why I’m upset but think I should just let it go for the sake of family unity.”
“They’ve suggested that Ethan stay with a babysitter during the ceremony, and we can all go to the reception.”
“But that feels like giving in to Sarah’s awful behavior, and I can’t stomach the idea of pretending everything is fine.”
“AITAH for refusing to attend my brother’s wedding because of what Sarah said about my son?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she was as far from being the AH as possible.
“NTA. Ffffff**k that! YOU are not causing a rift in your family, Sarah is! How dare they single out your baby boy! I’m quite frankly disgusted by your parents and brother’s reaction, as well.”
“A wedding is not a pass for being cruel. Tell your brother that he needs to understand that you are a mom and that his partner basically singled out your son and made it so you don’t feel comfortable going to the event.”
“Either he tells Sarah to change her tune and get a grip or you will be mailing him the wedding gift and leave it at that. And don’t get him anything more than a book on manners.”
“Be careful, too. If she’s this way now, wait till they have kids to compare with your son. She might even poison your parents’ mind with the new grandbabies.”
“You should also tell your parents how hurt you are, as well, and tell them that you are astonished that they don’t have the decency to talk to their son about how rude his bride is. I am so sorry for this bulls**t.” – Plastic_Prompt_1104
“I’m disabled and I always think it’s funny when people freak out (brides, usually) about a human being that is disabled existing in their sphere because it will ‘pull focus.'”
“They’re telling on themselves.”
“There are some people who gawk and freak out at the sight of a disabled person, but most normal human beings don’t think much of it. Yes, there will always be people who are weird and rude, but for the most part, human beings aren’t into gawking at each other like freaks in public spaces because they know it’s poor etiquette.”
“So not only are you revealing that you’re a vapid, empty, insecure person, willing to spite a disabled child because you’re so worried that someone might notice anyone but the bride for 15 seconds, but you’re also revealing that you view disabled people as freaks and have little self-control around them or experience with them. We are just people.”
“It’s all very, veeery telling.”
“NTA, OP.” – BojackTrashMan
“Fellow disabled person here: I don’t think they’re worried about us pulling focus. They find us distasteful and their ‘perfect vision’ doesn’t include having to look at imperfect people.”
“She thinks Ethan is gross and doesn’t want to look at him. She’s disgusting.” – Feycat
“I will never, never get the ‘stealing the spotlight’ thing when it comes to people existing. You are supposed to be celebrating your love with the people you love. What does it matter if said people have to use a wheelchair or have a speech problem or need a service animal?”
“Like, really? I get not wanting someone to propose at your wedding or to announce a pregnancy because yes, it’s not the time; it can at least wait until the next day. But saying a kid is going to steal the spotlight just because he is breathing air in the same room as you and you think his disability attracts attention is just a huge red flag.”
“I couldn’t marry someone like that.” – Good-Groundbreaking
“With someone this self-absorbed and petty, I’m sure Sarah will spend a LOT of energy convincing people that OP was being unreasonable about imaginary ‘Special Treatment’ that she wanted for Ethan.”
“OP was DEMANDING all of these unrealistic things for her son that Sarah went out of her way to accommodate, but OP wasn’t satisfied . . . and on and on about how she’s really the victim.”
“OP should let the rest of the family know the truth now, before the poisoning spreads. I’m certain that her parent’s suggestion that Ethan skip the ceremony was Sarah’s idea, calling it a compromise, and she’s already using it to show them how reasonable she’s being and OP is not.”
“People like her are insidious, using lies and rumors to get their way, and can usually only be seen for what they are by their victims or outsiders. OP needs to be careful and proactive or everyone else will start to wonder.” – Drustan1
Others agreed and questioned how the OP’s brother was still marrying Sarah.
“A boy in a wheelchair doesn’t blend into Sarah’s vision of her perfect wedding pictures and videos. OP should tell Sarah what a big piece of s**t she is on the morning of the wedding just to mess her up.”
“I can’t believe the OP’s brother is still marrying her…” – isabellarson
“I cannot believe the OP’s brother. That’s his nephew Sarah’s bad-mouthing. How the h**l isn’t he slapping her down for being a horrible cunt to his family member?”
“I hope the children that she does invite cause absolute mayhem.” – paupaupaupaup
“Personally, I would not want someone like her around my kid, let alone in my family. This is who she is! So believe her!”
“Anyone with a shred of decency wouldn’t be marrying someone like her, yet OP’s brother is still marrying her and hiding the fact that his fiancée is a horrible person. Now the OP’s son can’t spend time at his uncle’s home, because his evil wife might treat him badly or make ableist comments about him, when she thinks he is out of earshot! Family gatherings will be awkward, too.”
“Nope, NTA! Let the chips fail where they fall. This is completely the fiancée’s fault. I wouldn’t attend the wedding, either.” – Apart_Foundation1702
“OP, if I were in your brother’s shoes, his fiancée’s attitude would be a deal breaker for me. She is, to put it bluntly, a horrible person.”
“The fact that your brother doesn’t seem to see that, speaks volumes. HE and Sarah are the ones ‘causing a rift in the family,’ not you, and not Ethan.”
“I wouldn’t go to the wedding, either. And I would certainly keep Ethan as far away from that woman as possible. NTA.” – ShowerEven1875
“The grandma knows about this and hasn’t defended Ethan?”
“Sorry, OP, but your mom, brother, and the rest of your family can’t complain about your decision.”
“They are not willing to defend their grandchild/nephew/cousin over such horrible comments, so they can’t complain you’re defending him.”
“They are not behaving like your child’s family. They are acting like Sarah’s loving in-laws.” – Lazy_Lingonberry5977
The subReddit was appalled that the OP seemed to be the only person thinking clearly, with no family or friends there to back her decision to stand by her child’s side.
The thought of prioritizing such an ableist aesthetic for a wedding day, over the people who are supposed to be your loved ones, is such an ugly, disappointing look.