When a person is getting ready for their special day with their favorite person, they generally have a good idea of what their perfect wedding day would look like.
That said, a person can certainly go too far with their vision, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor sotb1234 was excited to go to her friend’s wedding and got her seven-month-old daughter a dress that would fit the bride’s color scheme for the day.
But when her daughter had an accident and dirtied her dress, the Original Poster (OP) was accused of sabotaging her friend’s wedding when her put her daughter in a second dress that did not match the wedding’s aesthetic.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for putting my daughter in a light-colored dress for my friend’s wedding?”
The OP didn’t appreciate how her friend behaved while planning her wedding.
“My (24 Female) friend (25 Female) dreamed her whole life of her wedding day, so when she got engaged, she became the most annoying person on the planet.”
“I say this fondly, but the truth is that she became someone very different from who she was.”
“She started being rude to the people she hired to help with the wedding and she is even rude to her own family and friends.”
“The last victims were my daughter and me.”
The OP dressed her seven-month-old daughter to fit her friend’s wedding aesthetic.
“She got married a few days ago, and the dress code was dark colors because she wanted to be the only one to wear a light color (white) dress.”
“All the guests respected it, even the children.”
But the OP didn’t plan ahead when it came to a backup dress for her daughter.
“The thing is, during the ceremony, my daughter had an accident and I had to change her dress.”
“The only one she had was a pink one, and normally I would have packed another dark dress for her, but I’m pregnant, and honestly, I’m not feeling really well. I just made the effort to go to the wedding because she’s my friend.”
“I didn’t have the strength to check all our bags (the wedding was in another city and the baby, my husband (36 Male), and I had to pack clothes).”
“My husband was in charge of packing absolutely everything, and he thought that there would be no problem with a baby wearing a light-colored dress.”
The bride was angry about the appearance of the pink dress.
“I had to choose that one and my friend didn’t like the idea at all. According to her, the dress code was the same for everyone regardless of age.”
“I told her that I understood and that my daughter didn’t have another dress and that pink color wasn’t even a light color.”
“She wasn’t interested in listening to me. She just got mad, and now she thinks that I wanted to sabotage her day.”
“The worst of all this is that my daughter is not 18 years old, she is SEVEN MONTHS OLD and just for that very reason, I think I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I mean, she has the right to choose the clothes she wants her guests to wear, but she can’t get so angry with a BABY. It doesn’t make sense.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some felt the incident could have been avoided and rated the OP with a YTA.
“YTA.”
“Asking guests to wear darker clothing isn’t that unusual of a request at a wedding. You went to the wedding where everyone else managed to follow the dress code, and packed a light dress for your daughter as a backup, knowing that her having an accident was a very likely possibility given her age.”
“It sounds like you thought the rule was stupid so you just didn’t care, and I don’t like the whole vibe of ‘she should just be grateful I graced her with my presence at all.'”
“You could have bought a backup dark dress on Amazon before the wedding pretty cheap, so she would have a second dark outfit in case she ruined the first one.” – lavenderjerboa
“Why wouldn’t the dress code apply to babies? Who told you that? Sounds like an excuse you made up, because you couldn’t be bothered to pack one.”
“I don’t think it’s worth an argument, but you knew it wasn’t what the bride wanted. So for that, YTA.” – StoneAgePrue
“YTA. You knew the color scheme of the wedding. You should have brought a second dark-colored dress. Honestly, you need to try to plan ahead a little.” – katiedoesntsharefood
“YTA, because I feel like your first paragraph was trying to form a bias for readers against her, and the way you justified yourself made me feel like you did it on purpose.” – Ok-squirrel693
“YTA. You knew the rule, and you decided to ignore it anyway. After she got sick, you should have just left if you didn’t pack anything else appropriate. It’s not like she wasn’t blatantly clear about her rules.” – PettyWhite81
“If only there was a way to deliver a dark-colored dress to your door so you don’t have to tax your strength with the extra weight of a 7-month-old’s dress…”
“Look, I think brides who make this requirement are annoying. I think it is a ridiculous request. That said, the fact that you couldn’t handle meeting the dress code because you’re pregnant and you would have to check the bag is bulls**t.”
“You should have packed a dark dress instead of a light one. It is the same weight. However, your husband should have been able to handle that without instructions, and since, again, I think people who take it to this extreme are annoying… ESH.” – Low-Location363
“ESH.”
“Her for applying that rule to a child.”
“You for not packing a darker dress. Your husband packed a pastel dress. It would have taken a minute for YOU to have packed one in line with the wedding’s dress code or to TELL HIM to show you the dress he picked.”
“You’re slightly more TA than she is, but for the most part, you are both in the wrong.” – GeekyStitcher
“YTA. And by ‘you,’ I mean whoever packed a brightly colored dress for the baby. The dress code was very simple and very clear. Nothing you wrote about her attitude is relevant. And she isn’t mad at a baby, she’s annoyed at the adults who blew off her request and are ruining her picture by having a brightly dressed baby in a sea of dark-colored outfits.”
“Is it the end of the world? Nope. Was it an easily avoided faux pax? Yep. If you didn’t want to go, you shouldn’t have gone. But you did go. And your family didn’t adhere to the dress code.”
“Also, I’ve attended HUNDREDS of weddings as a person in the industry and asking for guests to wear specific ‘wedding colors’ is not at all odd, nor has it been for at least 15 years.” – External-Hamster-991
Others, however, felt the bride was being very over-the-top about a baby’s dress.
“So she needed to buy two new outfits for a baby in a color she wouldn’t usually buy? Nah… the bride can ask, but she cannot dictate what people wear. Nowadays brides just take their ‘visions’ way too far.” – TallOccasion4453
“NTA. I tend to be pretty pro-bride on this sub. I think it’s fine for brides to pick their party’s outfits, the parent outfits, etc. But making a dress code for the entire audience!? And applying it to a seven-month-old’s backup dress?! That’s basically sociopathic.” – ryjack3232
“NTA. I was scrolling around looking for your daughter’s age! Oh my god, a seven-month-old in a pink dress is not going to steal the bride’s spotlight! I’m not entirely sure what she expected you to do, have multiple black baby dresses?” – Leahthevagabond
“Would she have preferred a nice dark shade of baby s**t brown at her wedding? NTA.” – atterysquash
“NTA, and this friend is an absolute control freak and needs some serious help and therapy.”
“This reminds me of my own wedding. I bought identical dresses for my sweet goddaughters, ages two and four. The two-year-old one had an accident on the way to our reception venue; I think she vomited.”
“Her mum changed her into another dress. I felt so bad at her own distress and never cared about the dress. What kind of person throws hateful comments towards a seven-month-old?” – Desperate_Koala6459
“NTA. She’s seven months old and had an accident. It’s crazy to dictate what guests wear.”
“My brother got married when my son was seven months, and his wife was livid because I took the overalls off my son (it was hot) and he was left in a collared onesie that was solid white (eyeroll). Sorry I wasn’t gonna let him melt (shrug).” – there_but_not_then
“NTA. My six-month-old niece wore a dress with a light purple skirt and (gasp!) white top to my wedding. Guess what? I thought she looked so cute and I’m so happy to have her in the pictures with the family.”
“One of the adult women apparently even wore a white dress, but I was having so much fun, I didn’t even notice.”
“People put way too much stock in what other people are wearing on their wedding day. It literally doesn’t matter as long as they are dressed appropriately for the occasion. Unless a guest shows up in a literal wedding dress, then the bride has every right to be p**sed at that.” – TheatreKid1020
“Oh dear. I wonder about the bride’s intellectual capacity if she actually thinks that a seven-month-old baby in a tiny pink backup dress is going to compete with the bride because the tiny pink dress could possibly outshine the bridal gown. That must have been one h**l of a tiny pink dress!”
“Also, a few days ago, it was August! Unless you’re in the southern hemisphere and it’s winter, it’s been hideously hot all across North America, Europe, and parts of Asia. It’s challenging to find fancy dark-colored clothes for anyone in the middle of summer, the little black dress notwithstanding. And there just aren’t that many little black dresses for seven-month-old wedding guests.”
“NTA. Ignore the bride’s silliness.” – Nester1953
Everyone could empathize with the OP that having a young child can be hard, especially being pregnant with the next baby already.
Also, parents can agree that finding dressy colors in dark colors for babies can be a challenge!
That said, when the OP got a dress for her daughter, the easiest thing would have been to buy two, one to wear and one to bring. That would have taken the stress off of her and her husband when packing, and it also would have kept the bride happy, whether or not she was being reasonable.